conversations

Yesterday went good. I finally got Nikki's quilt done, but not with out some complications. I so measured wrong, so I had to cut and patch to make it fit, but it is done. I will have to wait until she spends the night at a friends house to do all of the detail work on it.

Buddha, the sick kitten, is hanging in there. She has ben eating her high calorie food and sleeping. Rusty was just happy to see her eating and at least walking again. I just know that she is going to pull through this.

Yesterday Rusty started throwing up at work. I think he just has a bug since he is not running a fever or anything. So while Rusty was laying down Buddha jump up on his chest and went to sleep. Rusty just cuddled her and kept her warm. rusty said that he could not stand to see an animal in distress.

Amber asked Rusty to help her find some stuff on the Internet, so he got up to help her. About an hour later I come out of the bedroom and I interrupted their conversation. So I left.

It turns out that they were talking about college and why I would not allow Rusty to adopt them. Rusty told Amber that he would have to talk to me about that. Rusty knows the answer but did not want to tell her.

So I am waiting for Amber to ask me. The reason is actually very simple. If Rusty adopted the girls then my ex would be off the hook for child support and I will be damned if I am going to let him get off that easy. Once Amber turns 18 she can go have her name changed. Hell I will even pay for it. Oh do not get me wrong. I do not get any child support but his bill keeps mounting!

Yesterday I noticed that the water heater was leaking. Great that is just what we need. We have fixed and patched our water heater for two years now. I just hope that we can fix it again. The again spraying fabreeze on turd still makes it a turd. So patching the water heater will still mean it is going to go eventually. I so want one of those tankless water heaters.

Why does everything involve money? I told Nikki that she will not be going to Costa Rica. The bonus check that we were waiting on still has not come in, so there is no extra money. I am going to try to find a business that might sponsor her for this trip, but if that fails then she will not be going. Nikki said that was fine with her. She is going to start saving for her mission trips for next year.

Well life is calling so I better get busy.

I am still going

Well everyone before you start to read, go grab your coffee and get comfortable.

Last Friday Beth, George and I went to the goodwill to do some shopping. It turns out that it was 50% off day! Man we all cleaned up! I got my ball gown and I only paid $4 for it! I could not believe it. I saw the dress on a dummy and I made George help me undress it so that I could try the dress on. It was a perfect fit! The dress is very simple and everyone has said that I do not need to embellish it, but we will see.

I also got this long black,sexy little thing from Frederick of Hollywood. So while Rusty was going to the bathroom I slipped it on. I swear his eyes popped out of his head! I asked him if he wanted $4 sex, and he did. I can't believe that I got a Frederick of Hollywood nighty for $4!

On Saturday Beth's brother,Alex, came in. Beth got out of the service so Alex was going to help Beth drive across the country. So Sunday, I took Alex over to see the ocean. Alex had never seen the ocean, so it was so nice to see his face when h felt his first wave hit his feet. I could not have timed it better. The sun was going down, the ocean was packed with surfers and the water was warm! It was so nice to get to know this young man and to spend some time at the ocean.

Monday was a bad day for us. The computer went down. Beth got a call saying that her mother has to have a massive tumor removed from her stomach. Then one of the kittens took a really big turn for the worse.

Also on Monday a marine hurt me really bad. I was sitting at the sewing machine and I was sewing some stuff for the shelter since I was going to be going down there on Tuesday. This marine comes in and say's "what are you sewing mom?" So I told him. Then the marine says to me " Will I ever get my quilt? If not I can I ask George to make me a blanket." I just looked at him and said "If you want to ask George to make you a blanket then go for it. Everyone gets a blanket before they leave for Iraq. You will get yours."

What is that about? I make these blanket out of the kindness of my heart and they are not cheap to make! I just cant believe that he would say that to me.

Tuesday I had to take the kitten to the shelter and then down to the vet's office. The poor little thing lost so much weight that it was nothing but skin and bones! They gave her a bag of fluids and put her on a special food. It turns out that she has worms and that they worms were eating all of her food. The poor little thing was starving. So now she is on a very high calorie food and has to be fed about once an hour. I just know that she will pull through this.

Wednesday Rusty finally figured out what was wrong with the computer. It turns out that we had a virus!

Ryan has been bugging me to decorate for Halloween. I am so not in the mood and I do not even like Halloween. So, he was having an autistic moment and he kept bugging me. I just lost it. i finally told him that I was not going to decorate and that there would be no trick or treating this year. I am letting them go to church for their celebrations. At least that way I know that there will not be a pervert watching my child.

Today I am going to finally finish Nikki's quilt. I had run out of material so I finally got more. Today is going to be a sewing day.

It is actually cold again. I am thinking about turning the furnace on tonight. brrrrr

 

life lessons

Right now I am listening to the beach boy's surfing USA. For me the really cool part of listening to this song is the fact that I have been to all of the beaches they mention. Is there life without the beach?

So last night I slip into a nice hot bath. I left the bathroom light out and just had the bedroom light on. I am thinking I am going to get a nice relaxing bath. Oh no that would never happen in this house.

Amber came in and sat on the toilet and told me that she is so frustrated with Sam. ( her boyfriend)

Now years ago I heard a piece of advice that wish someone had given me when I was young. The advice is to make a list of everything that you want in a husband, and to make a list of everything that you don't want. Then ask yourself what list the other person fits into.

One of the things on Ambers list is that she wants to travel the world and she wants to go live back east. Amber has been all over the United States and she has been to Mexico and Nicaragua. Soon she will be adding Europe and Costa Rico to her list. Amber says that there is more of this world that she wants to see.

Sam has been to California and Arizona and has no desire to leave. Ouch. I had to ask Amber if that was a deal breaker for her.

Amber said that she is not sure. She did say that she will not stop traveling world and that much she does know.

I am glad that she is going through this now and not once she gets married and has children.

So yesterday I get a call from the marine that took Rusty's medals in to get mounted. He wanted to know what they all were. Like I would know that! All I know is that I gave him 8 medals and that was is the Kuwaiti liberation medal. So this marine is going through a poster of all the medals. Then I hear him say "Why in hell does Rusty have a medal from the CCoast Guard?" Like I would know. I did not even know that the Coast Guard gave out medals.

Today I am heading out to 29 palms. I am going to pick up George and then we will take her back on Sunday. I am looking forward to getting out of the house for a few hours. Beth and CJ said that they would come up and be here when Ryan got off the bus. Yes, I am free for the afternoon.

Oh what, an afternoon of adult conversation? What will I do with myself.

Well, I need to get some stuff done before I can leave so I have to go. I hope everyone has a great day.

 

 

marine corps ball

So Rusty came home last week and told me that we had be invited to 1 mef staff and officer ball. 

For every one not up on the marine corps lingo 1 mef stands for 1st Marine Expeditionary force. Staff and officer ball mean a lot of snobby people.

O.K. so this is very important to Rusty. I sent all of his mini medals down to get mounted. (he can now wear his mini's on a tux since he is not wearing his uniform) Now I need to remind Rusty to get rent a tux.

Then there is me. What dress should I wear to the ball? Last year I cleaned out all of my ball gowns. I got rid of all but two of them, and I really do not want to wear either of them. I always try to find a dress that will make a statement, with out looking like a slut.

So this year I have a dress in mind. I am thinking tie die with pot leaves. George told me that I could not wear that unless I wanted to give Rusty another heart attack.

So I have decided to shop all of the thrift stores and then add all of my own little touches to it.  I do promise no pot leaves.

This could be fun. I have never decorated my own dress before. I usually just try to find a funky one. Now I going for funky and hippy.

I swear that my children are going to eat me out of house and home. Just letting you know that since they are in the middle of cooking dinner.

Any way back to the ball. I need to start looking for a new dress.

I keep thinking of this line from "We were soldiers and young once" The ladies were standing around and one lady says to another. "get out your best dress lady, the guys will want to celebrate"

routine is good

O.K. it is another day. For that I am grateful. Today I am choosing to trust. Rusty made a mistake, and i am going to trust him to fix it. I must trust. Rusty is not a bad man by any means. Rusty has been my rock many times and I must trust him again.

 Rusty's boss is in town, so Rusty will be around much this week. Then the owner of the company is coming out on Thursday. I really miss Rusty when I do not get to see him.

I have been sticking to my routine and as Gerri said I think it is the best thing to do. If I did not have a routine I think I would loose my mind.

Lets get back to my everyday. The foster kittens are doing awesome and the will soon be done with their med. I swear my day's are filled with taking care of animal's. Right now we have 8 cats and 2 dogs and I would not change it for the world.

I have to run to wal mart today and get the trim to finish Nikkis quilt. The trim that I want to put on is going to be tricky. I have never used this type of trim on a quilt before so I need to make sure that I get it right. I so do not want to have to take the whole quilt apart and do it again.

I found out this morning that tivo is a necessity. I guess because Amber has to run Nikki around that she will miss the next top model. I think I am suppose to care, but I just can't find the time yet.

Last night Nikki won $100 at church! She is going to use that money to go youth convention. Youth convention start's the day after Thanksgiving. This is where 6,000 youth from the so cal gather to listen to Christian rock bands and when we find out what mission trips are coming up. I pity the tourist in San Diego on that weekend.

Amber has to take the math part of the exit exam today. Amber is very worried about and so am I. Amber struggles in math and she really needs to pass this test.

Well, nothing is getting done by me sitting here. Ryan gets out of school early today, so I need to go do my running around so that I can be here when he gets home.

Feeling a little bit better

I would like to say a big thank you to each of you for sending up a prayer for me yesterday. I am feeling better today and I am trying to move forward one step at a time. Please continue to pray for me, and for our family.

I must tell everyone that Rusty did not hit me. That would never happen.

I think Rusty is going through a mid life crisis and the children and I are in his way. However I do not have time for his crisis. Maybe my size 7 1/2 shoe up his ass will help?

Today My goal is to work on Nikkis quilt as much as possible. I would really like to get it done this week. Then I have to find a good hiding spot for a queen size quilt! LOL

Youtube is really pissing me off this morning. For some reason it is taking forever to load.

Anyway back to my day. I am hoping at some point today to get a pile of laundry folded. Then there is still the question of what to have for dinner. I am thinking sloppy joes. I am still not in the mood to cook anything.

Tomorrow I have to take Amber to the clinic to get more birth control pills. I need to have her ask what happens when she looses her insurance next year. The girls are on state aid because my ex does not provide insurance for them. I wonder if I can still get state insurance on Amber if she is in college. I could take my ex back to court and get a new court order for it, but right now I do not have the energy to think about that.

Well everyone, I am still here and I am still standing. Time marches on and so must I. I am getting to all of my alerts. It is just going to take me a little longer today.

 Please keep our family in your prayers.

 

hurt and broken

My ex husband did some really bad shit to the girls and I. We were beaten, left homeless, and hungry. My ex took my spirit and trampled all over it.

Years ago Rusty told me that he would take care of me. Rusty told my dad that he would never hurt me.

Earlier this summer we saw Big and Rich in concert. When they sang the song holy water I just cried and held my hands in the air. I have been in that ladies shoes before. Rusty came and put his arms around me and told me that he had me and that he would be my holy water.

Today my world has come crashing down around me. I am not ready to fully talk about it.

I have tried to move on today and do all the things that need to be done. I have been doing laundry, pulled something out for dinner, went to wal mart, and even got Nikki's quilt cut out. I even hit my knee's and cried out to God.

All I want to do is cry. What I should be doing is kicking myself. I let my guard down and I got hurt. I let someone else make the decisions and I trusted them. I never checked or made the decisions myself. I totally blame myself.

How could I have been so stupid as to let this happen to me. I was and still am an idiot. I TAKE FULL BLAME for my world being shattered today.

I still have several hours before I can go to bed. I have to paste on a smile, and continue with my day. Tonight I am going to take a sleeping pill and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Trust me when I say tomorrow can be worse, but I am going to hope for the energy to get through the next few days.