my poor mother

Well my batteries are recharged today and I am ready to take on all that I need to get done. Which by the way is a lot.

I called a friend yesterday and cried on her shoulder and she set me straight. I do not detest my family I am envious of my family. She is right.

We have less time then I thought to move out. So not I am in the rat race again. However I am better prepared this time.

I called my friend Linda who owns a property management company. She has a house that we can move into!

Linda and I cut a deal. I get the carpets cleaned and clean the place myself and then I can have the keys to the place early. Deal.

On Monday we can go see the inside of the house. It is a four bedroom 3 bath house with a huge yard and we can keep all of our pets. Can you believe that the house has two master bedrooms? I think that is just crazy, but oh well.

No I have to decide which girl get's the other master. I am going to draw straws on that issue.

The house is in a nice neighborhood and it is close to high school, but it still in the ghetto. It is only a block and half away from where we use to live. Rusty does not like that idea. I have been told already that I will need to keep all of the doors lock even while I am home and that butter will need to be inside with me. I think Rusty is over reacting, but I just said yes dear.

I got two call from the school system yesterday.

I got a call from Nikki's school saying that they will give her the exams early. I was so glad to hear that. I was all prepared to go down to the school and bitch until I got my way.

The other call was from Ryans school. It seems that the ot person wanted to evaluate Ryan. The conversation was very one sided here is what was said.

Me: great, when are you going to start providing services?

ot: well we have not evaluated him yet so we don't know if he qualifies.

Me: Oh he qualifies. The last time you guys evaluated you said that he did not qualify because his mental and physical abilities were on the same level. Well now he is mentally at a third grade level and he still can't tie his shoes, use a knife, button his own jeans or 99% of the other stuff that third graders can do. Please let me know when you are going to start services.

ot: I will do that.

Who do these people think they are? do they think I am going to let them change the rules every time Ryan qualifies something? They do not want to provide services because it cost the school system money.

Nikki's other mom Deb is a special ed teacher. I told her that I was so sick of dealing with the school on my sons behalf. I bet there is some illegal child getting services. We are u.s. citizens!

Deb told me to hire an advocate for Ryan. They will take the pressure off me and they know all the free lawyers who will be happy to take Lake Elsinore Unified to court.

I added that to my to do list.

In the middle of all this chaos yesterday my mother calls. I did call her earlier in the day, so she was just returning my phone call.

I did have something very funny to tell her. I had pulled my credit report and there was an account on there that was opened in 1974. Hmm I was 4 when this account was opened.

So I call these people. The lady says are you K.L. Mcmahan. I said no I am K.E. Mcmahan. Then they lady says is your birthday 6/19 and I said no my birthday is 6/16. That is when it hit me. I said you have dead fathers stuff on my credit report! Thanks dad! everything about my father and is very similar.

Then my mom asked how everything else was going. That was when I let loose. Finally at the end of the conversation I said " Well I need to go get Ryan from school and then I am picking pizza up for dinner."

Fine I go and do that. I get to the pizza joint only to find out that I do not have my wallet! I have been driving around for three hours with no wallet!

So I call Rusty and have him bring it to me. In the mean time my mom calls back and asks me what my social security number is. So I give it to her. My mom said something else and I said oh don't worry about it, I can to pick up pizza and realized that I left me wallet at home. Hell if I had gotten pulled over I would have begged the officer to take me to jail. At least there I would not have to deal with all of this!

Today I need to start going through all of our stuff. I have already found a ton of stuff that I do not want to move again. Soon there will be nothing left to move.

Rusty told me that he is going to be working most of the time while all of this is going on. He has some big sales and will be working the weekends. I told him that was fine. I will just do it.

We also talked about Egypt. Rusty said no to me not going. The girls trips will be canceled and I will go. I am happy about this, but right now I have way to much on mind.

 

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pass the cheese

Main Entry: de·test Pronunciation: \di-'test, dē-\ Function: transitive verb Etymology: Middle French detester or Latin detestari; Middle French detester, from Latin detestari, literally, to curse while calling a deity to witness, from de- + testari to call to witness — more at testament Date: circa 1535

1: to feel intense and often violent antipathy toward : loathe2obsolete : curse, denounce

synonyms see hate

— de·test·er noun

Well go ahead and pass the cheese because I have enough whine for everyone.

See the definition of detest? That is how I feel right now. I totally detest everyone and everything in my life.

Rusty called me today and asked me if I would like to work in his warehouse. Hell yes I would. I can run a warehouse like no one’s business. Then it hit me I better really think about this before I say yes. So I told Rusty that we would talk about it.

I made a list of questions and when Rusty got home we talked about three out of the five questions. Of the three questions I asked the answer was no or I am not sure.

I guess there goes the idea of me working.

I would have to work around Ambers schedule. If Amber is working then I can’t work because no one will be here with Ryan. Can I take weeks at a time off while the girls are gone on their trips? Can I leave work at any time when the children are sick?

I detest Amber for moving on with her life and leaving me in her dust.

I detest Nikki for chasing all of her dreams and changing the world because I am stuck here.

I detest Ryan for making me stuck here.

I detest Rusty because while he is at work he gets to talk to other adults.

I detest George because all she does is call me with her problems and bitches.

I detest my sewing machine that has not been used in way over a month. I once loved to sew and now I do not even want to hear the hum of it.

I detest the 20 pounds I put on this year because I am now seeking comfort in food instead of exercise.

I detest my animals because they have no cares in the world and I have way to many cares.

I detest all of the other mom’s of the children going on the mission trip. Why is it that I can show up at every yard sale and run my ass off and then there are other mom’s do nothing.

I detest the fact I am sitting here in a house full of people and no one knows how I feel.

Well all of that was written last night. I struggled with weather or not to post it. However I decided to post it for two reason.

1. this is life.

2. maybe another mom is going through what I am going through and she won't feel so alone.

I can't spend any more energy on this negative stuff. This is the hand that was dealt to me.

I called regional center yesterday to see if they would help with child care cost, but they don't do that. Today I am going to call down to social services and see if they have any programs that would help for special day care for Ryan. I am going to keep looking until I have looked everywhere.

I need to call the distric nurse. The school has a program where they help children get glasses, so I am going to try to get Ryan on that program.

I have a quilt cut out and I actually got one lined done. Then I realized that it will not be enough to make a big quilt for a marine. I guess that is perfect since Nikki's best friend asked me when I was going to make her a quilt. She wants a little quilt, so I will use all the strips for that quilt.

I actually bought a book earlier this week that is really good. It is called the driven child, understanding the over achiever. I thought this might help me to understand Nikki. So far the book is very good.

I have a lot to get done today and I should get moving.

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the big bang

Yesterday was a very dull day here. I tried to do everything that needed to get done, but I could not find the motivation.

Sometimes dull is good, but yesterday it was not good. It gave me to much time to think.

Rusty said that he is glad that he can't read minds because he would be scared to know what I am thinking. Yesterday that would have been true.

Yesterday I so wanted to have a job. I just wanted to leave the house. I wanted to do something use full and productive. I wanted and still want to contribute to the household budget.

Then Rustys words kept coming back to me. "It's not worth it. By the time you pay taxes, gas and then child care for Ryan.... well you wont make any money."

Rusty is right. The thought of being stuck home all summer long does not make me happy. The stuff I would like to go do I can't/won't take Ryan with me. So I guess I just need to get use to being stuck at home.

Then I really thought about our budget. We are doing o.k. now. We have that income tax credit coming in this week, and I was going to put that money on the Egypt trips.

Egypt. The cradle of civilization. One of the oldest place in the world. A place full of history. A place I have decided not to go.

After doing a lot of soul searching I have decided to not go. I can't afford to send three of us to Egypt. So I will send the girls.

I have not told Rusty yet. I know this is going to blow that vein in his head. I can hear Rusty now.....No, the children not go so you can go. Why do you always give up your dreams for the children. Our children are spoiled.

Part of me agrees with Rusty. However the bigger part does not. When I was their age, I wished I had the opportunity to travel. Now that I am married with children I know that the opportunities' are not there. I want the girls to experience life before they get married and have children. That was a mistake I made.

I also know that education does not only take place in a class room. By the girls going to Egypt the will learn more and experience more then what a book can teach them.

I also know that opportunity only knocks once. Africa is a very unstable place. All women and children have been pulled from Kenya. Will Egypt be next? The girls need to go see this place before it becomes unsafe for them to be there.

As a mom I do not think I have the right to deny the children these opportunities.

Last night the kittens thought they were big cats. The climbed all the way up the stairs and climbed our blankets, so they could get into our bed!

I just had to laugh. I grabbed them and told them that they were not big cats and that they were still the babies. The kittens did not listen. The just crashed out on our bed.

Fostering has become the best thing I have ever fell into. Most days those little ones give me a run for my money, but I so enjoy it.

Well, I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I better get moving. Time march's on even if I want it to stop.

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my human foot print

 

There is a show on the Natgeo channel that I want to see. However we do not get that channel. The show is called the human footprint. So I went to their web page and was reading about the show, and that got me to thinking.

How will my one footprint affect the world. How will my daily routine affect my grand children?

Rusty and I differ on this subject. Rusty say's that one person can't change the world and I think one person can.

So since Nikki's birthday is on Earth Day and I was busy ...... here is my Earth day entry and how I am trying to change the world.

I reuse everything and Most people who know me know that to be true.

For Nikki's birthday

We reused milk jugs and made lemon aid in them.

The hotdog bun bags were brought home to be used for cat box cleaning.

Rusty brought home pallets for the bon fire. Usually they just throw them away.

My day to day seems so routine to me that I had to think about all I do to leave a good footprint. Here are just some of the things I do to help save the world and help save money.

All glass, can's and plastic bottles are recycled. I do not put them in our recycling can, I actually take them in for the money.

All plastic bottles are re used until there is nothing left of them.

I take my own green bags to the stores with me. Those plastic bags are made from oil, and they never break down.

Rusty and I have recycled toothbrushes. That is right. There is a company that make toothbrushes from recycled plastic and then if you send them back they will send you a new one for free!I will post the link at the end.

I save all boxes. Once I get a ton of them I post an add on craigs list for free moving boxes. I would rather see someone else use them before they are trashed.

I dig through our trash and I pull out the stuff that can be recycled. Rusty does not believe in recycling, so it is my job.

I buy pet food in bulk, so I reuse those bags as trash bags.

I have a few things that I still need to do. I need to figure out how to turn our sprinklers off. Our city is asking us to not water our lawns one day a week to help save water. I am thinking I can go two days a week.

So what does your human footprint look like? E mail me what you do and I will post all of them at once. Maybe together we can change the world.

 

http://www.reusablebags.com/

http://www.recycline.com/catalog/index.php

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the almighty $$

O.K. I am sick of the school system. Did you that there was  huge explosion here in the so cal? That was me!

Nikki's teachers have been calling me and they are all refusing to give her, her final exams early. The teacher I just spoke with came right out and said, "well it comes down to the almighty dollar. We loose money everyday that she is not in school."

O.K. let me get this straight. My daughter can not chase her dreams because the school might loose some money.

--- The state give the school $35 a day every day that our children are in school.

---The school gets $20 a day because our children are on free lunch. So they get $60 a day just for our children.

---The school gets an obscene amount of money because Ryan is in special ed.

--- Our elementary principals make over $100,000 a year!

--- I bet the pregnant girls get their exams early.

--- With all the money that school system gets for just our children they should be able to find Ryan a teacher.

So I have a call into the Karen down at the district office. I am not happy right now and I am going to let her know that.

Lets see...

Oh Nikki's future husband came home from Iraq this weekend! His name is Aaron. I love this guy. He has the same values as Nikki and I hope that these two do end up dating.

Any way, Nikki met up with Aaron family and they all went to the air port to pick him up. I am so happy for Nikki. However Aaron is only here for a month and then he has to go back to Iraq. I know Nikki will cry when he leaves. Then my heart will break, because once again we sending another young man to war.

This weekend we also took the last of the Marines down to 32 Naval station. They are gone and will be gone for 6 months.

Why do we as a nation send our young boys to war? I have been saying for years that I have a solution to this damn war.

I think we should take every women who has ever been done scorned, has bad pms and just in general hates men. Then send all of us to Iraq. I know that we would just go over there and end this thing right now.

Today holds more of the same shit. I am going to go through a few more boxes, and see what else I can get rid of. I have to go to the post office, but other then that I don't have to much going on.

I found out that we have 120 days to move once this house sells at auction. That is if the house sells. There is a loan of more then $500,000 on this house. So I guess we will find out around the 15 if this house sold or not. So we are sure how long we are going to be here.

 

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got to move again

Well are days of squatting here are numbered. I got a notice yesterday that the house is going to auction.

This does not come as a shock to me. We knew it was going to happen. We were just hoping for a little more time.

I am so thankful that our property manager let us stay here rent free for a few months. It really helped us get caught up on our bills and now we are in a better place.

One down side is that our property manager does not have anything open, so we have to start house hunting again.

That's o.k. I am going to stay focused on the positive. We got caught up on some bills, I have had time to go through our stuff and get rid of stuff.

Last night the kittens really surprised me by climbing all the way up the stairs. So now they are going to really keep me on my toes.

I talked to Rusty last night and he is doing o.k. Rusty just really hates all of these trips. He says that he does not sleep good, and the food sucks.

Today I am going to clean out the car and then I have to repack it because Nikki has a yard sale tomorrow. I may also go through some more boxes that we have not unpacked from the last move. If I have not missed the stuff in 4 months then chances are I don't need the stuff.

Well I better get dressed and get moving. I suddenly have a lot to do, so I need to get ready for the rat race.

a silent voice

When Rusty is gone I have to get up and do his morning routine. Today that meant getting all of the children up, dressed and out the door. On top of that I have to do my morning routine.

No big deal, I just drank more coffee.

Today I had to take Nikki to school. So while I was there I went into the attendance office to see why I keep getting phone calls about Nikki not being in two of her classes. Well it turns out that her name is not on the softball list so they think she is ditching on the days that she has to leave early.

O.K. I got the form to clear all of this up and then I walked over to the athletics department and talked to her coach. He is going to clear all of this up for me.

Now it is back to the attendance office to see about putting Nikki on independent study for the rest of the year. Nikki will be leaving for Pa. before her classes are over. Anyway, this lady was giving me the run around.

I got back into my car and drove down to the district office to talk to Karen. Karen not only handles special ed, but also the gifted students. I think I owe Karen lunch or something.

So after talking with Karen and telling her everything that is going on with Nikki her is what I now know. Nikki can take her finals early and Karen will contact all of her teachers. Karen is going to look into Nikki going on independent study for all of next year. Karen is also going to find out when they are giving the test so that Nikki can just test out of high school.

O.K. my brain hurts. Then it hits me. If Nikki passes the test to test out of high school that will mean one of two things. First I willhave two children in college next year. Second, Nikki may opt to go to the mission field and she will be gone for a year.

I am not going to jump the gun here or panic. Nikki has not taken the test, so for now I am going to keep my mind focused on what is going on right now.

I did not get any of the laundry folded yesterday. I guess it will get done when we all run of stuff in our drawers.

Yesterday is a balmy 69 degrees. Now this is cold for us. It was up over 100 just a few days ago. So I froze my ass off yesterday. On a good note, I did get to see Nikki hit her first home run of the season.

Well today I have a lot I need to get done, but I am just not motivated to get those things done. I think I will go walk the dogs instead. I need some fresh air and I need to clear my brain.

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