registration day

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So here I sit. The babies have been fed several times, the house has been cleaned up, and dinner is in the crock pot. I even survived Nikki's registration day.

I got up this morning knowing that I needed to go buy Nikki some new tennis shoes and take her to get registered.

Nikki, Ryan and I walked over to the school and to my great surprise registration went fairly smooth. When we got to the part where we had to start to pay the fee's I told the lady that we could pay them on Friday. The lady said that I HAD to pay them today or that my daughter would not be able to get her schedule. Really, so are you just going to let this child wonder around campus for a year? I am just suppose to shit out $120?

So we moved onto the next station. That is where we are suppose to pick up Nikki's schedule, but we couldn't. So we just asked to look at it.

Nikki got into advanced geometry, and chemistry, but was so disappointed that she did not get into advanced placement world history. For whatever reason they would not let her not take a lunch. GRRR

Oh well, it looks like we will be back at the school on Friday.

We ended up at Wal mart. I hate that store. There are to many people there. I told Nikki that I had $30 to spend on Tennis shoes. We did good and were able to get two pairs of shoes!

I am so glad that someone gave us new school clothes and school shoes for Ryan.

A family from down the street asked me if they could put some moving boxes and packing material in my recycling can.

What? yes that is where they go but, I know that there was someone out there that could use them. So I told them to stack the boxes and just put them in the driveway.

I put an ad up on craiglist for free moving boxes and packing material. They were gone by night fall. The family was surprised.

I would rather see someone else use the stuff before it goes back into the recycling bin.

I have also placed an ad for all of my used body butter containers. I have a few people who want them. So I guess who ever gets here first gets them.

Last night someone gave me a box of material. I went through it and then piled it all back in the box. The box had a lot of t shirt material. I do not usually sew with t shirt material.

Today I went through the box again. The t shirt material is very boyish. That works because I still have two baby boy blankets that I still need to get done.

There was also a lot of upholstery material in the box. I will have to think on how to use it. I am sure that I will come up with something.

As for everyone that wants me to come clean. Well no you don't. I just throw everything away!

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cleaning day

Today I am doing nothing but cleaning. I do not mean a general clean up but a really good clean up.

On my list today is the dinning room and the living room that we never use. I know. If we never use them then why I am I cleaning them?

I am cleaning them because.... I don't know why. We have a roll top desk and another dresser in these rooms. I think I am going to go take everything out of the drawers and put it all in a box for a yard sale. I have not seen the stuff since the last move, so it is time to get rid of it.

I hate clutter, even if I can't see it.

Sunday while we were at the exchange Rusty found the sees candy display. He found a box of their suckers and had to buy it. O.K. whatever. He said that his mom use to buy them for him when he was little. Well I am now hooked on them! The cafe latte sucker is the best. I love the taste of coffee in a sucker!

Nikki has been having softball tryout's. I know that she will make the team, but I am just wondering what position she will play. Nikki usually plays first base, but I think the junior varsity team already has a first basemen.

The foster kittens are getting so big. I will have to charge up the camera and take some more pictures of them. I am so amazed at how fast they grow. I don't know why I am amazed, after all it is the same with every litter.

I have not heard from George in several day's. The last time she was up here George started complaining to Rusty. Rusty just told George to grow up and suck it up. After all she is the one that signed on the dotted line. So I guess she is pouting. For whatever reason I can't really find the time to care to much.

Last night I finally got to have my husband to myself. I kicked the animals off the bed and locked the door. Finally so alone time with my husband. I swear I was beginning to think that alone time was over with.

Last week I made stir fry for dinner. I had made it in so long, so I broke out thewok. Rusty loved it and asked me to make it more often. So Yesterday I went to the store and bought a ton of fresh vegi's and made chicken stir fry. I had to laugh as I was making it. I can put any fresh vegi's in a stir fry and Rusty will eat it. But if I put squash in front of him any other time he would not eat it.

I guess I need to make stir fry at least a few times a week. LOL Don't tell Rusty that he is eating fresh organic vegi's!

Well I need to get back to my cleaning. And yes I would be happy if we lived in a house with nothing in it. Just think how easy that would be to clean!

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Sunday was welcome home day

Rusty called me yesterday morning and said that he was getting ready to leave 29 palms and he wanted to know if I would like to ride back down to Oceanside with with him. Hell Yes!

It was so nice to see Rusty. Rusty came in and dumped his laundry on the floor. Then we were off to Oceanside.

It was just nice to be alone with Rusty and chit chat about what had been going on during our week.

After we dropped all the stuff off at the store we went to the exchange so we could get a few items. As we were walking up to the exchange a bus load of soldiers and sailors showed up. What was that about? Now the exchange is packed.

I go and grab the one item I wanted and I am watching Rusty walk around looking at everything else. That is when I noticed all of the younger crowd getting out of Rusty's way and saying "excuse me sir". I looked at Rusty like a deer looks at headlights. Then I saw his cap. He was wearing a ball cap that said retired marine. Oh take that hat off! He was making us look old! LOL

On the way home from base we got a phone call from one of the marines! She was on the east coast and would be home tonight!

Once we got home Nikki and I went over to our friends Deb house to get some butcher paper so we could make a welcome home banner. The banner turned out so cute! Deb's granddaughters helped us color it and they even got to sign the banner.

Rusty said that he was just to worn out to go back to base with us, so the girls and I headed out. We stopped by the vfw and got the flags.

It was nice to spend some time with the girls. Even if it was just a car ride down to base. On our way through base we went by the main parade deck. no one was there, so we went into the duty's office. They knew that a load of ammo was coming in, but they had no idea that people were on that flight. SURPRISE! So the very nice marines tried to find out where we were suppose to go, but they had no luck, so we headed for the main gate.

The main gate is blocked off? Well what the heck is that about. After several wrong turns and going the wrong way on some way roads we finally got close to the main gate. So we get out of the car and start walking toward the m.p.'s. The m.p.'s met half way. I explained that we had a friend coming in and that we were looking for the parade deck. Those two stupid m.p.s sent us back across the base!

I finally called Rusty and he told us what part of base to go to. After searching for more then an hour we finally ended up in the right spot.

Once we got there we met up with Haileys family. It was nice to be able to sit and talk to them and get to know them.

We also met four other marines corps brats that were waiting for their loved one. These children were so much fun! They helped us hold the flags and the welcome home banners.

I have to tell everyone about a very special young man that I met last night.

Nikki and I were sitting on the curb waiting for the busses. Another family came over to join us. A young man I am guessing in is mid 20's came and sat between Nikki and I. I asked him what his name was and he told me that his name was Nick and that his sister was coming home. I asked Nick if is sitter was his little sister or big sister. Nick said that his sister was little. Nicks mom said no. But Nick was right his sister was little.... littler them him!

After everyone welcomed home their loved ones I went and found Nick. I asked him if he found his sister and if she was safe. Nick just smiled and gave me a really big bear hug.

I walked up to Nicks mom and gave her a hug and said I have a mentally retarted son too. She just cried and we hugged.

I will never see those people again.

However I know what it is like to raise a mentally retarded child and also know what it is like to have adults be mean to them.

We rolled back into the driveway about midnight. My ass is dragging today, but it is not dragging enough that I cant jump my husband tonight.

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Now this is some nice I ooops I mean eye candy! YUM

Amber just walked in and turned down Nickleback! She said I am so sick of you blaring this every morning. Well it is 9:00 so get your ass out of bed! Just to rub it in I started playing icp the mom song. There's nothing like rap music in the morning.

I figured out what more of my problem is. My lack of adult conversation. I have been hoping that my daughters would provide it. I am being unfair to them. I should not expect them to provide me with some adult conversation when they have a life of their own.

We have raised the girls to be independent, so now me wishing they would spend everyday here with me just so I can have someone to talk to is very selfish.

I found out yesterday that Ryan's friend will be moving in less then a month. That would figure. I knew it was to good to last.

However, Ryan's friends old sister came down yesterday. She was telling me that the family she babysits for is in need of a new sitter and for someone to take their daughter to school. I TOLD Amber that she was going to take this girl to school. The mom is willing to pay Amber and it is only 2 miles round trip. I am thinking that is gas money for Amber. Nikki said that she would pick up some of the babysitting hours.

I talked to Rusty for a few minutes last night. I miss him and wish that he would come home.

I know that I should not be complaining about Rusty being gone for a week, but Rusty is not on active duty anymore. I should not have to miss him so much.

Today I got a very strange e mail. Remember that charity that I use to work for? Well one of the chicks that I use to work with me sent me an e mail that said "are you still out there?" I must wonder what she wants. This gal never screwed me over but I will still be guarded whenwe talk. After all she id not help me when I was thrown to the wolves.

I actually have to get dressed today. That sucks. I have to go pay our rent. Amber said that she was going to pay for her half of the smog test, so IF she actually follows through I will have to go with Amber to get her car smogged.

Yesterday I drug a bunch of material out, so today I am going to spend some time cutting, and I might actually get some sewing done. When Rusty gets back with the camera I will take some pictures of the pet quilts that I have done.

 

 

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I don't want to.....

Last night was very trying for me.

I had to send Ryan back to the shower twice because he forgot to wash his feet. Now when you wear sandals all day the dirt line is very noticeably! Finally, after Ryan got out of the shower, I had to wash his feet myself.

That was when I discovered that he has very bad athletes feet. Great now on top of still having to wash this child at the age of 13, I now have to put cream on his feet every night.

Will this ever end? Will Ryan ever be able to do things on his own?

I want to go to the lake or the beach, but the last time I took Ryan to the lake he sat on his towel pouting because he wanted to go home.

I don't want to deal that.

I want to take a few hours to myself and get away, but I can't. The girls are gone doing their thing and Rusty is at work.

So here I sit today. One of laundry is started. The kittens are fed and their bedding is changed. The living room is cleaned up and the dish washer is unloaded.

So now what? Yet another day stuck in the house.

I did get the closet cleaned for the most part. I decided to only unpack and organize my stuff. That really did not take that long, because I just decided to get rid of a lot of stuff. I just stacked Rusty's stuff on the other side of the closet.

I do think that I am going to go get some space bags. I have a few suits and all of my dad shirts that I am just going to shrink down and then I can deal with all of it later.

I just had an epiphany. The reason that I am the crazy cat lady, and the reason I prefer to be around my animals is because that is what I have been forced into.

Rusty has a job and other things that he is involved in. The girls have school, friends, sports, and whatever else.

So who does that leave to take care of the house and Ryan? Who does that leave stuck at home all day everyday?

Me.

I have just as intelligent conversations with my animals as I do with Ryan. At least the animals love me back.

I need to end this entry. I can feel myself spinning downward. I need to go find something to do.

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I wonder

I just sat down to read a few journals. The second one that I read was Gerry from the daughter of the shadow man.

She really made me stop and think about my own dad.

Right now I miss him. I miss him so much. I want to pick up the phone and call him. I want to hear his strong sweet voice.

I want my rock back. After all he is the one who taught me to be tuff. I am sure that there are so many more lessons that he did not teach me.

My dad left this world without answering a lot of my questions. There are times that I want to curse him. There are times I want to give him a hug. There are times when I just want my dad.

Sometimes I wonder if I had lived closer to him if I would have had the opportunity to ask my father these questions. Then again He and my mom were the ones that drove me away.

I am still so angry at my dad. I still speak of my father as if he is still alive. I know that my dad is dead. I helped my mom fill out the death certificate. I have some of his ashes.

Why do people die before the family can ask them all of the questions? Why do good people die. Why can't the people on death row die first?

Soon it will be the second anniversary of my fathers death. When will I cry? When will I forgive him? Will I ever stop loving him? When will stop talking about my dad as if he is still alive?

Today while I was cleaning out my closet I came across some of my dads old flannel shirts. I just looked at them and hung them in the back if the closet. I can't even bring myself to wear his shirts or to even look at them.

I so wish that Rusty was here so I could talk to him. No wait. I don't want Rusty here. I feel guilty when I talk to Rusty. I will start to say something and then I think that I am being selfish because Rusty has lost both of his parents.

This is a burden that only I can carry. I can't share this load with Rusty. So I guess until I figure out how to deal with all of this I am just going to keep going.

I do know that my dad is here with me tonight. I can feel him. I have looked around the room, and I do not see him, but I can feel him.

So this song is for my dad. He use to sing it to me all the time. The sad thing is... my dad asked me to come visit him and I told him that I couldn't because Amber was sick.

 

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how do you sleep?

Well I think Amber is finally registered for college. I know that she still has to go turn in one paper to the veteran rep.

Yesterday Amber went up to the college and ended up calling Rusty and I in tears. Now on some level I should care, but for the most part I do not.

Amber has having trouble filling out some papers and some other things. Now 2 weeks before school starts Amber is rushing around and trying to get into some classes.

I just looked at Amber and said "I told you to start this whole process as soon as you graduated and instead you dicked around. Figure it out!"

Amber did eventually figure it out, so I am glad about that.

I am not trying to be a bitch here, but I am sick of helping Amber out. She needs to learn to stand on her own to feet. Don't get me wrong. I will be here if she gets into a real bind, but.....

I hate it when Rusty is gone. I am not sure how to sleep.

Rusty sleep's kinda in the middle of the bed because one of the dogs sleeps on the edge. The Butter is usually in the middle of Rusty and I. Then we have cats scattered all over the bed.

When Rusty is gone all of the animals claim his half of the bed. I actually got to spread out! It was so strange.

Today my major goal is to clean out my closet. I don't think Rusty or I have actually stepped foot in that closet, but it does need to be unpacked and gone through. If I find those damn botany cards, well they are going to disappear for good.

Yesterday I made a pet quilt and I have another one cut out. I have an idea for another big quilt, so I am looking forward to getting some sewing done today.

I do not know about the rest of the country, but we have an awesome 99 cent store! Yesterday Rusty and I went out there to get him some stuff to take and man we cleaned up!

When I go to the 99 cent store I can buy stuff that I might not normally buy. Well Yesterday they had a dozen eggs for 99 cent! Well, I bought my limit on them. I don't know how people make it if they are not shopping at the 99 cent store.

O.K. my day is calling me and I need to get everyone moving. Nikki is already gone for the morning. She started tennis practice yesterday.

I love the fact that Nikki plays sport's because that means she will spend less time with the "boyfriend from hell".

 

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