a day filled with love

Today was such a nice day! I took Rusty out to buy a model to build. Rusty said that is was beginning to go stir crazy, so this model should help keep his hands busy.

Then we took a nap. That's right a nap. I loved just laying there next hima nd being able to hold him and touch him. Just being able to lay next to Rusty is a turn on. Now that might sound sick or strange, but now that I realize that life is short, the little things mean a lot to me.

Once it cooled off this evening Rusty worked on his model and I actually got to work on the tub! I am just about done with getting the rust off! My neighbor, Alex, is going to bead blast the feet for me! So soon it will be ready to be primed. I am not going to paint the tub until I am ready to install it, but I am just happy to be working on it again.

Tonight I actually soaked in the tub! It felt so good to chill. Life is good.

I did tell Rusty tonight that if nothing happens to Hazel, then I am walking away from the post for good. I do not want to be around when Hazel is mean to someone else. Rusty said that he understood, and that was the end of that.

I need to try to find someone who can fix the air conditioner in Rusty's truck. Wou;dent you know it would give up the ghost when we need it! Rusty doed not handle the heat at all, so he cant drive his truck. I know that someone nice will come our way and that they will fix it. I just need to wait.

Well in the a.m. we have to go see the vet. rep and then in the afternoon Rusty has a doc. appointment. It looks like we will have another day of running,but that is o.k. Rusty and the children are doing great, so life is good.

stronger then ever

Today I went and had coffee with a friend. It was nice to get out and just hang with a girlfriend. After we had coffee we went to a clothing exchange. I scored a lot of nice clothing for free.

Then I went to wal crap to get the children a slip and slide. It has been so blazing hot here and I figured that they could use some relief. While at wal crap I found some awesome material with dragonfly's on it. So I am going to make myself something special out of the material.

I am working on a very simple quilt as a thank you gift for one of our friends who was there for us when the chips were down. Rusty and this guy go way back.

I am going to go to the distric meeting for the v.f.w. just so I can ask this Jack Smith guy what he said to Hazel and ask him if he would put it into writing. I want Hazel removed from the post as a bar tender. I am no longer worn out and stressed out, so my mission now is to make Hazel's life a living hell.

Rusty had a good day, but he still cannot be in the heat and he still gets worn out after very little walking. I know all of this will change, but I am glad that he resting so that his heart can heal.

I called my parents today and my dad is hanging in there, He is still sick, he still cannot feel the ground below his feet, and he is still....... well he is hanging in there. My mom asked me how I was doing and I told her that I am now well rested, and stronger then ever. I am ready to take on the world again. Life is good.

My boss called me yesterday and asked me if I would want to come back to work. I jumped at the chance! Rusty is not happy, but he will get over it. Rusty hates my job bcause I work in the heart of the ghetto, and because it is nights, and because my boss has been shot at, and because there was an attempted stabing there a few months ago. However my boss pay's me cash and it is good money. We can use the money to pad our savings account and to get the girls ready to go back to school. Life is not easy, and I have to do what I have to do.

While Rusty was in the hospial he asked me to call his mother. I did not. I actually had a friend call her. I told Rusty tonight. Rusty was not upset. I just explained to him that I could not handle her at the time. She would have been no use to me. She cannot handle all three of the children and the last thing I need is her stressing the rest of us anymore. Rusty said that he understood and he said that he would call here, however I am hoping that he just never gets around to it. Is that mean? Or just the truth.....which might be mean? who knows.

Well I am off to bed. It has been an awesome day!

great day

Today was another good day. I am sure glad that it was a good day because I need some.

I finished a baby quilt for the lady down the street. I do not know Jeanne very well, but last Christmas she sent down some home made goodies. Well last week she stopped by to take Ryan to v.b.s. Anyway I told her that I can not even cook slice and bake! This is true. I burn slice and bake cookies. So we got a good laugh. Well today I went down to her house and told her that I may not be able to bake, but that I could sew, and I handed her the quilt. She was in tears. I am glad that the quilt made her happy. It is just a little thing that I like to do....sew quilts

The girls off at a youth group get together, so I took Rusty and Ryan out for ice cream. We have not actualy gone out for ice cream in a long time.

In the morning I am going to run away with a friend. We are just going to go hang out and do nothing. I love hanging out with girlfriend and doing nothing.

I must say that I think I want to smoke because now I am putting on weight! oh well I am sure I will lose it. I am back to walking two miles a day, and next week I am going to start lifting weights again. I need to get into my old work out.

Well I am off to work on another quilt. I have never done this pattern before so we will see how it turns out.

awesome day

Today was just so great! Rusty is doing so much better and he even got to drive today! We went out to dinner....just the two of us.

I really have not gotten anything else done today. I just wanted to be happy and to be with my family.

So I think I am going to go do more of that.

I need a smoke!

Today was a really calm day, But man sometimes I just need a smoke! I am still not smoking but the cravings are so bad some days.

Tonight after the children leave, I am goiong to take my letter of complaint over to Doug. I hope Hazel gets her ass fired!

Rusty is doing much better today. He is much more balanced today, and not as moody. I know that the road to recovery is going to be long, but I am glad that today was easy.

One of my girlfriends just called me and asked how I was doing. I told her that I was doing good today, but Rusty said something to me that made me sad. I asked him to go out with me for a little bit and he said no because he is sick of people staring at him like he is some freak. So Elli and I are going to take him out and kick everyones ass! We will just tell them that we ae in anger management classes! LOL

So anyway, I am going to go chill and work on this baby quilt! Today has been a good day and I weathered the storms of yesterday. I am still standing.

when does it end?

What a day. I felt good whn I woke up this morning and was looking foward to a good day. Instead I had a day filled with tears.

Today was the funeralfor the girls friend ( the youth pastors son). What a sad event. This was the first time the girls went to a funeral for someone their own age. Amber really took it hard. Everytime she cried I wanted to take her pain. The girls wanted to go to the grave yard, but Ithought it would be to much for them.

A few years ago someone called me a light house. She said that I seem to stand strong when the storms of life hit me. Is that how I appear to people? A rock? Well then I must be doing a good job of fooling people or the people are not looking behind closed doors. The last few weeks I have weathered the storms and I am still standing, but I almost crumbled under the preasure. I thank God for friend who held me up and took a lot of the preasure off of me.

I heard a new saying today, and I think I need to make it one that I should live by. The saying goes like this..."here is my shoulder, come and lean on it". I have learned a lot the last few weeks and I can always be a friend by lending someone a shoulder to lean on.

Well I still want to work on the bath tub and get the yard tilled, but I am still waiting. One of these day's I will have the time to do what I want but for now my family needs me. So my families need's must come first.

Ryan is no longer talking to me. He will not talk to me for any reason. I am back to square one. Is it because he blames me for "taking" Rusty. Or does he .... who knows. For now I am just blowing it off, he will eventually stop being mad for something I did not do. I have to laugh.... I do know that he is mad at me because I now make him do more work around here. But then again all of the children are doing more work around here, so I am not picking on him.

Rusty booked us a two night stay on the queen mary! It is not for a few moths, but I am looking foward to it. I have been wanting to see the queen mary.

Are random acts of kindnes still random acts of kindnes if you tell someone about them? Amber was with me when I did something totally unexpected. She was just in shock and asked me how often I do nice things for other people. I just smiled and told her that she will never know. My children will never know just how much I do for strangers, and I dont feel that they have that right. I guess this is something that my family does nothave to know about. I am not hiding anything, but I dont them to think that I am bragging.

Well I am going to go get this house cleaned up a little more and then go for a walk. Rusty begs me to take rascle when I walk, he says that it is for her, but I think that it makes rusty feel better.

I thought I would have my picture taken today since I do not have black circles under my eyes.

Anger

For some reason Rusty has been getting very angry with me the last few days. Someone we knows says that this is natural, But how much anger am I suppose to take?

Our friend told me that his anger is coming from the fact that I must now do just about everything for him.. Rusty cannot even drive right now, he still gets winded after only a few steps and I must sit with him when he showers. OH He also has no sense of balance, so he is very unstable, even with his cain.

Now dont get me wrong, I do not mind doing everything for him. I love him and I will do anything for him, for as long as it takes.

Another thing that really bugs me is that Rusty will not even touch me when we go to bed. I am not talking about sex, I am talking about a hug or something like that. Whats up with him not wanting to touch me? Have I done something wrong?

Who knows? what I do know is that I love him and I will wait for him and help him for as long as he needs me to.