damaged pride

So yesterday I talked to this vet rep and asked him what the hell we were suppose to do now. He told me to let him think on it over night. So when I saw hime today he had some shocking news for me. He told one of our friends and the past post commander about our problem! I screamed at this man and told him that I would accept nothing for the post. After all the last thing I need is to be told once again that I need to find a way to care for my children. I have always kept food on the table and clothes on my childrens back. We had lived in some rat holes but at least we had shelter, so dont come in here and tell me how to care for my children.

When we got home I went straight to our room and sobbed like a baby. I do not want thosse people looking at me and wondering if I am takining care of my children. I really dont want Hazel knowing that things are tight. As a mom my pride is hurt. I have always done what I needed to do. To take a hand out will be hard.

After I calmed down Rusty and I talked more about the subject. I guess some people have called tonight and that something is in the works for us. Rusty said that in one of my journal pages I asked when it was going to be our turn. Well now it is our turn. I guess. I just dont like taking a hand out.

Rusty went and saw his doctor today. It seems that the type of heart attack he had is common in junkies and very old men. Well Rusty is neither so what the hell? Anyway a certain hormone level was in the 6,0000 and that after two days it should have been normal. So they are rtying to figure out what is going on there. He is still on some blood thinners so we have to watch for bleeding in the urine, eyes, and gums. Rusty can have nothing else done to him and he has to be very carefull or he could start bleeding. He is going to the ear doctor to see if he will ever get hearing back. I think he will since a little bit of it is back. Other then all of that he is doing good.

Rusty is going to a job interview in the morning. Everyone has told him not to go, but he said that he has to support his family. And he calls me pig headed!

Not to much else has happened today, so I am going to take my damaged pride and go get a bath.