crying

  I am telling everyone that I just want to cry. I was happy earlier day, but since then it has gone down hill.

I had called a friends dad yesterday to see if he knew anyone who could help my parents out, but he told me no. Then after I talked to the people who lived across the street from my parents..... Let me get my thoughts together. So my friends dad and his cousin show up at my parents house. My dad was less then nice about having someone else take care of the yard.

I got this guys number anyway and gave him a call. I just keep kicking myself. The house is in worse shape then my mom is telling me. The lawn guy, Ed, told me that the gutters are clogged and it does not look like the back yard has been touch in a long time. My friends father, Willie, told Ed that my father would have never let the house look like that.

Now my parents are mad at me because I have hired someone to take care of the yard and the outside of the house. All my mom kept saying was "We don't need the help, I can mow the yard with one arm" So my parents are mad, and that really hurts me. I am trying to help them out, I am trying to do the right thing and they are slapping me in face because of it.

Rusty keeps telling me that they are not mad at me, they are probably embarrassed. I know that my dad has pride on the line, but man, all I want to do is help.

Rusty just asked me to myself in their shoes. He said how would I feel if I was no longer able to take care of my family. I reminded him that when I was really down and out, my parents told me to go live on welfare and threw me out. Should I return the favor and just say that this is pay back for what they did to me?

It seems that I have grown as a person. I am trying to help the people who do nothing for me, when I needed them the most. I guess that makes me the better person?

All I do know is that I am sick of trying to do the right thing and then getting shit on because of it.

My dad got so pissed off at Rusty earlier today because we would not book them a hotel room. I don't know why that can't stay here. They were going to have the master bed room and a private bath. I just could not argue anymore so I went and booked them a room. I have no fight left.