I just got an email from my mother asking my she has not heard from me in a while. Do I need to explain myself? If I did here is how the letter would go.
Mom, I got your email, and you do not know why I have been in contact with you. Please let me explain myself to you.
While I was in grade school you made my life a living hell. No matter how many times I cried out for help you told me to suck it up.
When I want to go to Europe for 6 months you told me to go earn the money, and yet you sent your other daughter to London on YOUR dime. Then when I told you that I was not coming back to the states and that I wanted to stay in Europe you had a cow. Dad ended up calling me and threaten to come get me if I did not come home.
Your chosen child got married and you gave her $10,000. Let me see what did I get? oh that right I got nothing.
I gave birth to Amber, your first grandchild, and you could even be bothered to ask if we needed anything. Oh, yes I remember that you sent me a bouncy seat and some cloth. I had no crib, no diapers and no money.
When we did come home for a visit you went to a yard sale and bought Amber a crib to sleep.
Then when I said that I wanted to come "home" to have child number two you acted all excited. When I asked you to please leave the birthing room you would not. I want to give birth to my child alone, Oh no you just would not listen to me.
I started to file for divorce after Nikki was born and you talked me into trying to save my marriage. So I stayed married to man that beat the shit out of us.
When Nikki was about 6 months old you told me that we had two weeks to find a place to live. Now lets re cap here. I had just gotten a job, and I had no child support or anything else coming in. I did not even have a car.
I went and found us a rat and roach infested apartment, but WELFARE was paying the rent on it!
A few years later your chosen child got pregnant and not only did you give her a baby shower and buy her a crib, you bought a brand new crib for your house.
You even offered to raise the chosen child, child! Hello what about me!
Over the years when I needed a pat on the back you were never there for me.
Lets fast forward several years. Rusty had a heart attack and I asked you to come out. I told you that I could not afford to fly all of the children out to you, but that I would pay for your ticket. You told me no.
Dad is not doing well and you asked me to come home. You told me that you told him that I was on my way and to hold on. I am so glad that he did. I needed that time with you and him.
Instead of asking what was wrong and why I was crying so hard that I could not breath you just told me to go for a walk and calm down.
When I did confront you about how you have chosen to treat the girls and I and you just put your head down and said nothing.
When you came out for Christmas I thought we were having a great time. Until we pulled up at the airport and you told me that you are leaving everything to your chosen child. Oh that's right the children and I can whatever cash is left over and all of that must be divided 6 way.
Then I hurt my back and you bitched about me not going to the doctor and even said I told you so when I ended up at the e.r. I have no medical insurance!
I am done being hurt by you. I will warn you, hell hath no furry like a women scorned. What you do not know is that over the years I have been paying attention and asking questions. Once you die I am going to unleash my furry on your chosen child and I am going to make her wish she had never been born. Remember when you said that you would never tell the chosen child who her real dad is. Well I will. I will let everyone know about all of the property and the money that you left her. I will make sure that she looses everything.
I am not going to send this letter. I am just going to at like I never got her e mail.
Oh! I need to say something positive right now.
1. I am so thankful for my mom because she has taught me how not to treat my children
2. I have an awesome man who loves me
3. I have three of the best children in the world.
14 comments:
Kelli, your mom sounds just like my dad, I'm sorry she hurt you but I'm glad you have great kids !!!!!!!! Hugs Lisa
DAMN...I WISH I COULD VENT LIKE THAT...
I could make a list like this. I know your hurt, believe me I do. Paula
I know it wouldn't help much but I wish I could give you a big hug! I wasn't mistreated as a child, had most needs met and such, but I was never hugged or treated with unconditional love. Mom is severely depressed and spent most of my childhood sleeping on the couch, ignoring me. I guess I am thankful for her for showing me how not to treat my kids too.
Part of me wishes you would go ahead and send the letter! It would serve her right.
Traci
((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))))))))))))))))I dont know what to say,that I am sorry you had to go through all that.It made me relized how much my Mom was and still is good to me and my Dad.I always know they are good parents.You are a better person for what you had to go through.I know you are good Mom and you take good care of your of your kids and your Husband.Have a nice night.
Friends are our chosen family. For that, I am grateful. I feel sorry for your mother... something inside of her has made her bitter and that bitterness is a cancer to everyone she comes near. She has missed out on some beautiful relationships with her daughter and grandchildren because of that cancer. How sad.
*hugs*
heather
'applause' all i can say is well done you,well said my friend well said,love zoe xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/zoepaul6968/DomesticAbuse/
You cannot choose your family unfortunately. Your Mother will need you one day I am sure. Thinking of you Louise xx
Your mother is the one that is living in her own little hell right now. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. In all honesty..I don't blame you.
Lisa
this is exactly how my mother is. she has two chosen ones though. ive always been left out of everything. i dont have guts but if i did i would send the letter. debbie
dear Kelli,
It 's usually hard for people to come to terms with this much grief but you have.
You went through a storm with this lady and also with your ex and you have come out of this with healthy kids , much stronger and now a great husband and father for them. Bravo.
My mother singled me out as kind of her scrapegoat. I did feel a terrible lack of mother love, but I did believe in forgiving and forgetting as much as possible. If we survive death I feel there will be a place and a time to work on these problems. I often comfort myself thinking of how I will talk to both my mother and dad. That kept me from wasting negative emotion in this life on them, because really some people are too deep into a type of behavior they cannot change in this life. May your heart find peace in time from these scorching pains coming from rejection. Gerry
Kelli, I wanted to say one more thing. When I was young I would seek out kindly older women for friends. I knew it was the mother feeling I was looking for. I would be honored if you would think of me as kind of a mother as I have come to feel close to you. I need more daughters. A mother needs all kinds of daughters and sons. I have three sons and only one daughter who is going to college right now, very very busy with family, keeping up her home, and her dancing. She does not have much time. You are the kind of woman I would like to have for another daughter. Gerry
((Kelli))
I'm so sorry. I guess every family does go through this "chosen" mess and here I thought I was alone. I could make a list of stuff too, but not with my mother or father, but my inlaws. My three children are their only blood grandchildren and they have never had anything to do with them. Now that I'm getting divorced my ex has a woman in his life with three kids that they treat like royalty and my SIL is now also with a new man who has a daughter so they have all new grandchildren who are treated better than their own. I don't understand it. My ex chooses our youngest child over the other two and I can't stand it. I like that you were able to be grateful for stuff as a result of how you've been treated. I just keep reminding myself that one day they'll be sorry and it'll be to late.
Take care, Chrissie
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