busy day

I had to take Nikki down and get her registered for school! That was such a joke. First they could not find her on their forms, and then they wanted to give forms in Spanish! If I am speaking to you in English do you think I want Spanish forms?

Nikki is off to summer camp for a week. I am telling you guys the girls have been gone all summer long. I am just so glad that they had a great summer.

As for my quilt. I use a machine. I am hoping that one day I will get a quilting machine, but until then I am still happy.

Yes Zoe, I am very honest. I don't know why I am so honest, but I am. Being honest has gotten me into some trouble, so over the years I have learned that just because I am thinking it does not give me the right to say it.

Our friends were talking about skeet shooting. I want to go do that! O.K. I want to try that! I am not sure if I could hit a moving target, but I will try! LOL So I told Rusty once the children go back to school we will have to go down to base, so I can learn this "sport".

There is something in my fridge that just smells. I so cannot find it. I guess I am going to have to take everything out and scrub it down real good.

Well I have to go drop Nikki off for summer camp.

picture of quilt

Well as you can see, this is my scrap quilt! Tonight I will get to snuggle under it for the first time. Can you believe that I have never made myself a quilt? This is actually the first quilt that I have made for Rusty and I to share!

just chillin

 

My goal for today is to get the back of a quilt put together. A few years ago I started taking all of my scraps and sewing them together. Well now the scraps have been sewn into a quilt for mine and Rusty's bed. I can't wait to sleep under it!

Yesterday our friend Tony rented a jet ski, so we were at the lake for most of the day. It was so nice to get away.... and to cool off!

I have not heard anything from my mom. I am fine with that. I do still need to cool down a little bit more before I talk with her again.

I wanted to take the children down to base one day next week, but I just looked at the calendar and someone has something going on everyday next week! I really wanted to go to the archery place and learn how to shoot a bow and arrow, and then I thought we would go the beach after that. I guess we will have to put that off for another week.

Well I hope everyone has a great day!

time to think

Last night I so wanted a girlfriend to come over and buy me some starbucks! Instead I drove around for a while and came up with some answers.

For whatever reason no one wants me to go home so I can see my dad or help my mom out.  Fine. That is their choice.

My mom chose my niece over the rest of her grandchildren. Fine. That was her choice.

Well I have made a few choices myself.

1. I am going to cry my eyes out here. I want it all out of my system before I go back to Chicago.

2. I am not going to make a big deal about my niece. I am just going to move right past her like she was never born.

3. By going to Chicago for a few weeks I will be putting my life on hold. However once I get back to California, I am going to start living again..... without my mother, sister and niece.

4. I am going to let my mother have what she wants, my sister and niece. There will be no more phone calls to say "hi". I am done trying to please someone who does not even want me.

5. I hope that my niece enjoys watching my father die. I hope that my dad comes back and haunts her. I hope that every time she closes her eyes she will see him. That is my curse for her.

Last night all of my friend just gave me a hug. Tony said that he had no idea what to say so he just gave me a hug. CJ and Jake did the same thing.

The life I have made for myself is good and this is where I want to be. I want to be my husband, my children and my friends. We have good friends and good food so what more could I ask for?

                 

Hey everyone check out what Zoe wrote about me! I never knew I was a radical! LOL I like being called that! LOL

Quickie update

Just a quick update huns,the tag I got of the hunky man came from Kelli shes also on my sidebar,shes a radical but full of heart and isnt frightened to tell it as it is,if you get time pop over to see her,her father hasnt got long to live and she is a very angry young woman,I feel she needs support and she enjoys a laugh with people too,shes a great favourite of mine and she always pops over to me to comment,Ill post an entry later as my AOL is playing up again grr lol mwahhss xxxxxx 

Thanks Zoe! Hugs from across the ocean

pissed off!

I talked to my mom a few minutes ago and now I am so fucking pissed off that I want to go shooting. The only problem is there is not a range close to the house.

So my mom tells me that she finally got my dad into the tub today. He had been in the same clothes for four days! I know my mom is doing the best that she can. I know that she has to work and take care of my dad. Please keep in mind my dad not soil himself he is just stubborn. Anyway, my question is: What in the hell is my sister doing?

That is our father. I am sorry but at some point I would think that she would step up and help. Let's see she only lives 20 minutes away and she can drop her child off for my mom to watch, but she cannot give our father a bath?

Then I asked my mom if she was ready for me to come home. She said no because my father does not want people to see him die.

That was when I lost it. I said "then why is it that Kaily ( my niece) is allowed to watch him die? Why is it mom?" All my mom could say is that "Well she has been here from the beginning"

Then I bit my lip. You know I still not understand why my own mom kicked me out when I needed her. Why was I allowed to go homeless with the girls? Why is it that Kaily gets the privilege of having grandparent as a babysitter? How can they choose one grandchild over another?

I am so pissed of right now.

Anyway, I told my mom that I can be on the next flight out. I told her that I had planned on being there for two weeks.

After I vented on Rusty, which really did not make me feel any better, I realized something. When I do go home I will no one to lean on. I will have to hold my anger in and I will have to try really hard not to kill Kaily.

I will be facing the unknown on my own. I will have no shoulders to lean on. I guess this is going to be a true test of my strength.

The more I thought about it, I will not even have a friend to call on. The town I grew up in is filled with people I know. However I am not the same person I was when I was 18, and I know I don't want to be around any of them anyway.

So this trip is either going to make me stronger or it is going to make me need bail money.

Enough. I now have to put on a happy face. The children are home and more people are their way up.

it is friday

Well it is Friday and I do actually have some stuff to do today. But for now I am going to write and drink some chi tea.

Tonight all of our single marines will be coming up. I am sure going to miss them when they leave. They are suse to be on half day's since they will be leaving soon, but their commands have been making them work long hours. So I thought I would make them a good dinner filled with comfort food.

The other day Nikki and were bored so we started pricing air fare. Did you know that we can fly from California to Hawaii for only $250 round trip? We started calling of our girls friend and asking them if they wanted to go! LOL Now if only we could actually get everyone together and go.

Amber is home and she said that she was starting to get home sick. That funny, because she is now out at a friend house!

Next week I have to take the girls to register for school. I am not sure if I am looking forward to that or not. I know I am looking forward to the first day of school. I think to celebrate the first day of school I am going to walk around totally naked and do nothing!

Yesterday I went to the store and bought some stuff for me to take back to my parents house. Nikki asked me why I was buying some of the stuff, and when I told her, she said "pop won't die, he said that we are going out there next summer". I know that it is going to be hard on the children when my dad dies. I guess grandparents are not allowed to pass away.

Anyway, I need to get busy and get moving. I hope everyone has a good Friday!

 

should I do something?

I so do not feel like doing anything today. I wonder if anyone will notice if I sit my ass on the sofa all day?

I spent most of yesterday cleaning and working in the yard, so I do not have to do that today. I even did all of the laundry! LOL

Amber comes home tonight and I can't wait to see her. Amber told me that she hates portland because it is cold there. I guess when you are use to living in hell anything is cold.

I am thinking about ordering a pizza with ham and pineapple, and maybe some bread sticks. YUM!!! Now I am hungry.

I have not talked to my mom in a few day's, so I am not sure how my dad is doing. I just hope that my dad is not suffering. I know his mind and body are going, but I just hope and pray that he is not in any pain.

Well I hope everyone has a great hump day!