time to think

Last night I so wanted a girlfriend to come over and buy me some starbucks! Instead I drove around for a while and came up with some answers.

For whatever reason no one wants me to go home so I can see my dad or help my mom out.  Fine. That is their choice.

My mom chose my niece over the rest of her grandchildren. Fine. That was her choice.

Well I have made a few choices myself.

1. I am going to cry my eyes out here. I want it all out of my system before I go back to Chicago.

2. I am not going to make a big deal about my niece. I am just going to move right past her like she was never born.

3. By going to Chicago for a few weeks I will be putting my life on hold. However once I get back to California, I am going to start living again..... without my mother, sister and niece.

4. I am going to let my mother have what she wants, my sister and niece. There will be no more phone calls to say "hi". I am done trying to please someone who does not even want me.

5. I hope that my niece enjoys watching my father die. I hope that my dad comes back and haunts her. I hope that every time she closes her eyes she will see him. That is my curse for her.

Last night all of my friend just gave me a hug. Tony said that he had no idea what to say so he just gave me a hug. CJ and Jake did the same thing.

The life I have made for myself is good and this is where I want to be. I want to be my husband, my children and my friends. We have good friends and good food so what more could I ask for?

                 

Hey everyone check out what Zoe wrote about me! I never knew I was a radical! LOL I like being called that! LOL

Quickie update

Just a quick update huns,the tag I got of the hunky man came from Kelli shes also on my sidebar,shes a radical but full of heart and isnt frightened to tell it as it is,if you get time pop over to see her,her father hasnt got long to live and she is a very angry young woman,I feel she needs support and she enjoys a laugh with people too,shes a great favourite of mine and she always pops over to me to comment,Ill post an entry later as my AOL is playing up again grr lol mwahhss xxxxxx 

Thanks Zoe! Hugs from across the ocean