still here

So I got done cleaning out the van, and one of our neighbors came over to check on dad. Pat is just a sweet old lady! Anyway Pat had mentioned to me that she had to choose between buying a new mattress or going to see her grandchildren.

I thought that if I did something nice for someone else I might feel better. So I went out to look for a mattress. Well I went to this one store and I told the sales lady what size of mattress I was looking for and that I wanted to keep it under $150. Well she went and started checking, so I was walking around looking at some other stuff. I saw this lamp that Ryan would love! So The sales lady finds me and tells me that she did not have any mattresses for under $250. So I asked her how much the lamp was. She said "Well it is more then you would like to pay for it. That lamp is $80!"

O.K. now the bitch has crossed a line. I may look a little rough on the edges because I just got done scrubbing the van, but listen here, my money spends the same as anyone else's money. I just left the store. That lady was so rude!

Then the child from hell showed up. I tried to keep it together, but I could not. I went outside to grab my shoes and my mom was like " what is wrong"? I just told her that now was not the time nor the place.

I put on my running shoes and started running. I was running and crying so much that I could not breath. I slowed down and ended up walking.

I got a lot of thinking done while I was on the walk. First of all I never want to see corn grow again. Second of all, I never want to come back Chicago again. Third of all, I never want to see my sister or hell child again.

I guess I should tell everyone what set me off this time. A side from my dad yelling at me, all he asked for was hell child. Then my mom and sister kept calling me by her name!

Now I guess I need to explain why that up set me. First of all there are more grandchildren then hell child, Not once has anyone asked how MY children are doing.

I would love to be called by my name. All day long my mother and father called me hell child's name. Then my sister started doing it. That was when I lost it.

I am a person with a name and with feelings. Rusty said that I should tell my mother how I am feeling. But I figure what is the point. All it will do is piss them off, and nothing will change. I thought I tell my mom (after my sister left) how I felt but......well all she said to me was " dinner is done, come eat".

I so want to go home, but instead I am going to try to get some sleep.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who has left so many nice comments. Maybe I am not alone anymore.