lets see

My friend called me this morning and asked me if I could pick her up, take her to do some running around and then take her to work. Why not! I Before she went to work she came back here to shower. She kept saying that it felt so good to have a hot shower. I have offered for her and her husband to shower over here, but they seldom take me up on the offer. Anyway, my friend is now working full time and it looks like her husband will be working full time soon. I am so happy for them. I am going to go help them clean their new place, and then she has a home inspection on Monday! I really hope that they will have their children back and that they can celebrate Christmas as a family.

Ryans IEP was no big shocker. He can get no services, and yet he is still way behind. I waisted my time home schooling him since he has forgotten everything. He really did not forget, but I .... I am just so sick of the whole system.

Ryan is very sick right now. He is running a fever, but it is starting to come down. SHHH don't tell anyone, but I went to the store and bought his favorite soup and water. We can't tell anyone because after all I am a hard ass! LOL

We are such a white trash family. This morning Rusty and Amber got into it and they were screaming at each other. We so are not ozzy and Harriet Nelson. We are the Nelson's that no one wants to admit they know! LOL

Dinner is done and my back hurts so I am going to go rest for a while.

 

really good day

Well Rusty got the job that he had been wanting! I am so proud of him. He starts tomorrow and then on Sunday he leaves for Virginia for some training. Three cheers for us!

This means that I do not have to break my back working as a day laborer any more. I will still work between Christmas and new years just to help out a little bit more. Then in Feb. my data entry job will be open again!

I talked to my mom tonight and she just broke down crying. I think she is at her breaking point and I am glad that she will be here soon. After all that she has been through, she told me today that one of the pipes from the well broke and she now has water pouring into the basement. So she has to set her alarm and get up in the middle of the night just to empty buckets. First my dad dies, then a tornado comes down her street, and now this. I am just glad that she is coming out here. I think this will be a much needed break for her.

Tomorrow I have to go to Ryans iep. I am not looking forward to this. Everyone thinks they know what is best for our son, and I end up getting pissed at everyone. I am really going to shock them when I tell them that we want to keep Ryan back another year.

Ryan has many issues, but one of them is that he is half his bone age. So he may be 11, but his body thinks that he is 5 1/2. Ryan has not started puberty and is still wearing super man underwear. I know the boys in the locker room will just make fun of him. There is a long list of reasons why we don't think he is ready for junior high, so we feel that keeping him back another year will not hurt him.

I should be in bed, but I just can't sleep. Oh well, I am going to try to get some sleep.

looking up

 O.K. to everyone that sent a prayer up, the blessings are coming down.

I should have known to call the marines! I took a shot in the dark and called an old friend who works with a charity that helps marines. He knows that we are not active duty, but he said "I have some gift cards for food that no one knows I have, so you can have them!" I just about shit my pants!

Then he said call this lady and tell her what is going on. So I called this lady and she said will you please put this in an e mail along with your children's wish list. I have a company that wants to help 3 families and you would be the third"

The prayers went up and now the blessings are coming down.

My back is really hurting today, so I looked up some stretching exercises and I did some of them. That seemed to help a little bit. I just wish I knew what I did to hurt my back.

Rusty and I are just so relieved right now. It feel like a huge weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

I hope everyone has a good day!

shoot the t.v.

 This is me the Grinch. If I see one more commercial of a happy mom out Christmas shopping I am going to shoot the t.v.

As you can guess today did not get any better. I no work today which equals no money. No money equal no gifts for the children. The children keep asking if we are going to get a tree. only if we steal it! What is the point of getting a tree if you have nothing to put under it?

I did however get most of the house cleaned and I got some laundry done. My back is still bothering me, so I tried not to lift anything heavy.

I think I am going to go to bed early tonight and hope that this is just a really bad dream that keeps repeating in my life.

Bah Humbug

mixed day

I am not sure if I want the holidays to come this year! Today was both good and bad. And since it ended on a bad note I am in a bad mood.

The job I went on today went very well. I worked for an hour and got paid for 4 1/2! I thought this was great and was hoping for a good day. Oh no that was all that went right.

A lady at the office asked me if I would give her a ride home. I did not really want to but I thought that being rude would not be nice either. So on the way home she is just going on and on about how hard her life is. Then she says well at least I have food stamps left. Well good for you NOT when I really needed help and applied for food stamps we were turned down, and yet you can get food stamps. I just wanted to throw her out of the car!

I had a second job planned, but that fell through. I was planning on using that money to buy Amber her one and only gift this year. Oh well. so goes my life.

Now that I am done with my rant. I have no anger against people who get food stamps or wel fare. I am just wondering what we have to do to catch a break.

I work my ass and I get no where. I even wrote to Santa and that got me no where. Do good things happen to good people? What am I saying. yes they do. I am just being negative. so I am going to end this entry.

ptsd

Last night was another bad night for Rusty. We had gone to sleep and I heard it start raining, so I was going to get up and go check to see if the roof was leaking. When I went to get up he pushed me back down on the bed and told me to stay down. I lay ed their for a few moments and then tried again. Once again I was pushed back down on the bed and told to stay down.

This morning I asked Rusty how he slept and he said not to well. I told him that he had another episode last night. He just looked at me and asked what he did. When I told him he was relieved that he did not hurt me.

Dealing with P.T.S.D. can be stressful at times. Rusty only does things when he is sleeping. So far I have been punched, kicked and bit. One time I woke up and he was standing over me with his arm drawn back. This is just another obstacle in life that we will have to get through together.

This morning a friend called me and asked me if I could give her a ride to go do laundry. I told her no, but instead that I would pick her up, and that she could do her laundry here, as well as take a shower. She is homeless and doing the best that she can. I really like helping her because she is trying so hard to get her life together and she usually does not ask for help.

Yesterday Nikki and I went up to the store and we were only going to pick up a few items. The boy scouts were out front and they were handing out pieces of paper asking people to buy some of the items on the list and that they would give them away to needy families for Christmas. I went and got the items that we needed and I told Nikki " we only $6 left so lets see what we can find" We found pasta and sauce on sale. We found canned vegi's on sale. We were able to get a lot of stuff for six dollars!

On the way out we handed the bag to the boy scouts and as we walked away one of them said these people gave us a lot. We just smiled. Nikki asked me how come the lady behind us could only give a can of fruit, but she had a four dollar cup of coffee?

Rusty called me a little while later and asked if I knew anyone who could use a turkey. The vfw had some left from Thanksgiving. So we took some down to the boy scouts. It felt good to watch their faces light up.

Today I am not going to be doing much. I have to work tomorrow, but I do not have to start until 9:30 and I think the job is only for four hours. Well at least it is work and since I know people who are getting laid off I am not going to complain.

Rusty

So last night I was telling Rusty about this guy I work with. He has a brand new car and he is having nothing but problems with it. Rusty asked what type of car it was and I told him. Rusty said " I was thinking about buying you that car next year if this job works out"

What? I just looked at him like a deer looks at head lights. I told Rusty that I did not want a new "family" car. The one we have is paid for and it runs. He says yes but you need a new car. I said no I do not NEED a car. The next car I want is my dream car. He said o.k.

I think I hurt his feelings. With the children getting older and being able to drive and care for themselves I don't want a car that we can use a family car. I want a little to seated Porsche! LOL Rusty is such a doll to all ways be thinking of me.

The other day we got a Christmas card in the mail and it had an over seas stamp on it. I opened it up and it was suppose to be for Rusty's mom. Rusty just looked at it. We are approaching the one year mark of Rusty's mom death.

That night we were laying in bed and Rusty asked me if there were phone lines in England. I said yes there are. Then it hit me. Rusty would really like to hear from his brother, even if his brother has hurt him.

For all of the new readers of my journal. Rusty has a brother in England, and he did not come back to when his parents died. Rusty and I did everything. Rusty's brother did call and ask for half of everything. Rusty told his brother that if he wanted half to come get it, but to also bring money because he wants him to pay for half of the bills since his parents had no life insurance and we paid for everything!

I feel so bad for Rusty.

Last night Nikki asked if she could go spend the night at a friends house. We said yes. Then we get a phone call from the other girls mom. It turns out the girls had pulled a fast one on us, and we at a football game that they were not suppose to be at.

So Rusty and this girls dad went up to the game. The women working the gate would not let the guys in, so Rusty called for a police escort into the game! Nikki and her friend were pulled out of the crowd by their fathers and the police!

Nikki is on lock down. School and home will be only activities for a while. We do not mind Nikki going to the games, but she was not truthful with us, and that is what got her in trouble.

We went through this with Amber a few years ago and you would think that Nikki would have learned but I guess not.

Anyway, I am going to go hit a yard sale and then start cleaning up the house.