Wednesday, October 31, 2007

our black cats are safe

We have three black cats and I made sure to tell Amber to keep a close eye on them tonight while she is passing out candy. I do not want some sick person taking my cats and using them in a sacrifice. Some people are just sick.

So last year the children were all about carving pumpkins. They made such a stink over it. So this year i grew some pumpkins for  them. Not a one of them even asked to carve the pumpkins! I even suggested that they carve them. Oh no they are sitting by the door.....untouched.

Yesterday I wanted to get some more pet quilts made. I have this huge stack of scraps just sitting on the table. So I am standing at the table sorting through the scraps. I found enough scraps to make a baby blanket! So I did get a little girls baby blanket top done yesterday.

Today I must go buy some candy. I know there is nothing like waiting until the last minute to do something.

Nikki and Ryan have youth group tonight, so they are going to have some trick or treating up at the church. I think that is cool.

Hold on I need some music. o.k. I got it now. I am listening to the mom song from youtube.

Last night I had a major goal. Take a bath and then watch the unit, and go to sleep. Oh no that did not happen. I went to take a bath, but Amber was in our shower. So I crawled into bed and I was going to watch some ncis. The next thing I know the alarm is going off! I went to bed at 8 and slept in my cloths all night! I must have been just worn out.

I was asked how Sam did with fighting the fires. He did good! I am so proud of him. Not only did he get some experience, but he got to work close to home, and that meant that he was fighting the fires that were close to our homes. Damn I am sounding like he is one of my own children.

Amber on the other hand did not do good. She was so worried and scared for Sam. Yes, Amber you are dating a guy will put his life in danger.

I was sent this video yesterday. When I watched this video I could not believe how talented some people are. So, pull up a chair and check out this video while I go get ready to start my day. O.K. for some reason I can't get the video to load, so here is the link.


Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Thank you Canada!

Saturday night I was working. Rusty called me to tell me that the fires had peaked the ridge! So I walked out of my bosses house, who lives across the lake, and sure enough the fire was coming down the mountain!

A few hours later the fire was gone! Canada sent down this water dropping aircraft, and it had dropped water on the mountain. Thank you Canada.

Yesterday I took time out of my hectic schedule to go by the lake and get a picture of this massive bird. I am so glad that it is docked in our lake. I think that is the biggest thing to our town in a while.

I have been working some crazy hours. Rusty has been working some really long hours. Last night we were both so dead dog tired, but we actually sat up until midnight just talking. It still amazes me at jut how much I love this man. I miss him so, when we are not together.

Rusty told me last night that we are not going to the ball on Friday. What? I bought a dress! I was so prepared to make small talk with strange women. I was all ready to hear all of your stories again. No ball this week. I guess that is o.k.

I am not sure if I have to work today. What I do know for sure is that I have to get this house cleaned up. The children are bitching because I have not cooked in a very long time. So I will cook dinner tonight.

I have to go mail a package, do laundry, and get some more sewing done. I swear my house work should go away when I am working a job that I actually get paid for!

Well I guess I better get dressed and get moving. I have so much that I need to do and I am just hoping to get some it accomplished today! LOL

Thursday, October 25, 2007

just for the record

So I thought I would share some of the lighter sides of the last few day.

1. Rusty does not want his private part waxed

2. Rusty will not let me cut his under arm hair

3. Rusty will not let me braid his hair

4. Rusty does not like having mango body butter rubbed on his face.

5. If Rusty is watching a movie that you are not interested in.... well he does not want his ears licked

6. If you say little hints like " I want some chocolate" does not mean that he is suppose to go get you some. Even if you have said this for 3 days and have told him that your pms is out of control.

Well I think that about covers our pillow talk! LOL

I have some one interested in buying Kevins car. I just pray that the car sells because that was suppose to pay for Nikki's trip. So Everyone say a little prayer for us.

For now we are not in danger and I am hoping that the cooler temps help.

I have made plans to work all day tomorrow. Then I found out that the children do not have school. The air quality here is so bad that they do not even want the children to be outside.

So Amber wants to go work with me. I know that she is not going to like it. I told her that she needs to be up and ready by 6:30 a.m. and that I am going out to work. I do not want to hear her complain that she is hot, or cold, or my feet hurt. Or anything else that a teenager would complain about.

I guess she will find out what a full days work is like.

Well I am going to go to bed, and maybe my ass will not be dragging in the morning.


We made it

Well we made it! The fire fighters got the fire out just a few hours after someone started it! The cool part is, Sam was called out to fight that fire.

I am hoping that all of this will soon get under control. The Santa Annas should be slowing down and we are suppose to have cooler weather this weekend.

A lot of base is on fire. At the end of this entry I will give everyone a few links. Marine moms.... all of the marines are safe.

The marines are very frustrated. They so want to go and do something to help, but for right now they are just sitting and waiting. I feel their frustration. I so want to go do something, but I have been told to stay put, and not go near the base.

Today I am going to go work for a few hours. I must admit that the extra money is nice, but I just wish it was all going to come in at once and that I could pay for Nikki's trip. Oh well

Yes, we do have an orange haze, and smoke everywhere! We have all of our doors and windows closed but it still smells like smoke and and we still are getting some ash in the house. I keep cleaning but I must wonder why. I guess it makes me feel like I am doing something!

Thank you to everyone who keeps checking in on us.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

ready set not go yet

The fires have just come with in two miles of our home. I am staging everything by the door. When/if we get the word we are out of here.

I guess I will get to live on the beach after all. Should I pack a swim suit?

$34 an hour

This is Amber. If she was a blond everyone would hate her. She is a California girl, has legs that never end and think that the world revolves around her!

Amber is not getting many hours at her "job". They say it is because they are training new people and that they are gearing up for the holiday shopping season.

Whatever. Amber told me that she does not have enough money to pay her cell phone bill. I said cool. I need a new cell phone because mine is on its last leg.

So Amber asked me if I would ask my boss if she could work. So I did, and my boss said yes as long as she works with someone.... because she is new.

Now let me back up a little here. I do petitions. I have done them for about 8 years. The last few years I have worked in the office, But now I am back to petitioning.

So yesterday I took Amber for out about an hour. I showed Amber how to do it, and then I went to another door. Amber calls me five min. later and asked me how many signatures I got. I told her 6. Amber started pouting because she had only gotten two.

So I went down to help Amber again. After a few minutes I left. Amber wanted to leave but I made her stay out there until she finished one full page.

We were out there for a whole hour! Amber only made $34. Now think about this. Amber is 17 and she just made $34 an hour! I had to remind her that 34 is a lot bigger then 8.

She so does not get it. She can work for one hour and make more then she can working 4 hours at the store. Oh this child should have been my blond.

Anyway, Rusty made it to work today. I am not working today since Ryan will be coming home early. I am going to try to do some stuff around here. I would like to clean, but I am wondering what the point of that is since I have a feeling that everything will still end up covered in ash.

I talked to most of the marines yesterday....after I posted. They are all doing good. They are just itching to go do something. They can't leave base, and they cant work. These marines either want to go fight the fires that are burning down their base or go down to the beach and help set up for all of the people. They want to be doing something.

I feel the same way. I want to go do something to help someone else. But for now we are blocked in. Rusty said in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed anywhere near base. I tried complaining to the marines but they took Rusty's side. All I heard was mom "mom stay where you are. We will be pissed if you get hurt". What is a women to do.

Oh I know I will go finish that quilt. LeRoy will be happy to have his very own blanket this weekend. If they can make it off the base.

I need to run and start my day.

Oh! Lyn, I have not heard anything on santee. However if you bil would like to log on to kfi they have the fire reports going on around the clock.

Yes our air ports are still open, but if you coming this way please bring a mask. The air here is so bad.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

nerves of steel

Well, we are still here. I am sorry for not posting this morning.

I have decided that until we are evacuated I am going to go about our life. The children need to have a sense of normal.

I am back to working full time. This should last until about Christmas. It will help with bills and with Christmas.

I am still looking for a sponsor for Nikkis trip. Sigh. My heart breaks because I can't provide this for my children. I know that I need to get over it.

To all of the marine moms out there. All of the marines are safe. Dustin has been evacuated, but everyone else has not.

I have set up a network that goes like this. Some of the marines gave me their mom's phone number. I am calling them with updates, and then if we do get evacuated they can call their marine and let them know.

I talked to my former mother in law and she was worried about the girls. I told her that they were fine and that for now we do have everything under control. She told me that I must have nerves of steel.

Maybe I do, but right now I am doing what I have to do to keep my family safe.

Other then that, there is not to much going on. The roads should be open tomorrow, so Rusty should be going to work tomorrow. The children will be going to school, and I will go to work.

Thanks to everyone who left a prayer for us. the hedge around our house is still standing.

As for how Rusty and I are doing. We are doing. Things are getting better and we are strong and we will get through this storm.

Will everyone please say a prayer for the marines and for all of the families. A lot of housing has been evacuated. Pray for them. Please.

Monday, October 22, 2007


There are fires all around us and none of the fires are contained.

Right now we are trying to find a way for Rusty to get home.

There are no fires in our area as of yet.

Yes, I have locked everything in the safe and all of the pet crates are out.

I called the shelter because they are in the area that is starting to evacuate. I told the shelter that I would take as many of the cats as I could.

Even with the windows and doors closed I have ash and dust everywhere.

Sorry for not commenting. I am trying to get ready to evacuate.

say a prayer

Amber's boyfriend just got called up to go fight the fires. Amber is crying and is very scared. Pray for both of them. This is Sam's first forest fire.

fire and dirt

Well I worked most of the weekend. That was nice, but my ass was dragging!

Yesterday I had to take George back to 29 Palms. This drive is usually 2 1/2 hours one way. Yesterday it took forever. We have very high winds. I had to drive through a sand storm. While that was cool it was also so scary. I could not see the car in front of me! Oh well I made it through that and then we drove through a gravel storm. I do not know if that is what they are called but all that was blowing was gravel. My windshield took a beating.

I was actually going to go out and petition today, but Rusty said that he does not want me out in this weather for any reason. So I all of the stuff I wanted to do will have to be put on hold. No work, no dmv, no.....nothing!

So now what? Now I have to make new plans. I guess I can find stuff to do around here.

Nikki went to homecoming on Saturday but not before loads of drama. That bitch told Nikki's boyfriend that they could not go to homecoming! Then she calls us 2 hours before homecoming starts and says that she has changed her mind! What is that about? I swear that lady needs some meds!

Here is a link to what is going on in our area. Check it out. It is kinda scary.


Thursday, October 18, 2007


My morning started off great! A friend came over and we sat around drinking coffee for several hours. It was so nice to just sit and talk. I know you guys can't believe that I have friends that don't live in my computer.

Then I went to get some liquid crack. While I was getting that my old boss called and asked me if I wanted to come work at his house. So i jumped at the opportunity to work. My boss is going to call me and let me know if this is going to be a regular thing. I use to go into the office and work, but some bitch slipped speed into my coffee and my boss works in the ghetto. Rusty put his foot down and said no more unless I work from his home. Anyway I am hoping for some more hours.

I have been getting phone calls from other mom's concerning this damn homecoming dance tomorrow night. Let me rewind a little. Nikki was told that if she wanted to go to homecoming with her boyfriend that the boyfriend needed to come over and ask Rusty. So this kid did and Rusty told him that he better have her home by 11 or he will never take Nikki any where.

So, Nikki's friend is dating one of boyfriends brother. So nikki's friend mom called me and wanted to know if Nikki could go out for pie and hot chocolate after the dance. I told her that Chris (Nikkis boyfriend)would have to talk to Rusty.

Then the boyfriends mom calls me. Now keep in mind that this is the same lady that told my daughter to watch her back! So she invites Rusty and I to go out for pie and hot chocolate after the dance, so we can talk to the about the dance. She also said that she would like to get to me.

I told her that I most likely would not going since Amber will be out with Sam and Rusty is working out of town this weekend. I told her that I would have no one to keep Ryan. So she says well just bring him. I told her no and that was not a good idea. She said that she understood about not wanting a little one out late. I told her that I can't just change Ryans schedule. Then she said well you should really get out more and that it sad that I am controlled by Ryans life.

I am so glad that I have semi learned to hold my tongue. So I will vent here.

Listen here lady, if you want to get to know me then bring me over some doughnuts and I will put the coffee on. If you wanted to get to know me then why didn't you invite me to the friendship dinner at the church. If you want to get to me then why don't you get off your ass and make an effort. I personally do not want to get to know you. I do not like your son. He is not good enough for my daughter and I think he is a candy ass that needs to grow some balls.

I am use to not being able to do things because of our son. It is a part of my life. Yes, sometimes it gets me down but that is my reality. Don't you dare stand there and say that you understand when you have no idea what my life is like. You do not know what it is like to have a mentally retard autistic child! So lady you can goback to where ever you came from.

As for talking to the children about the dance, well I talk to my child all the time and I do not need a special time to do it. I do not care to share my feelings with you.

Oh I feel so much better. Since Rusty will be out of town most of th weekend i am going to cook some real simple easy meals. Nothing like saving money when I can.

Tomorrow morning I am going to run out to 29 palms and get George. I know that we will have a blast this weekend. I just love sitting around talking with her.

Anyway, I better go start dinner. I think the children are going to want to eat at some point tonight.


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Tuesday sucked!

OOOOHHHHh Amber, Rusty and Ryan are on my last nerve.

Lets start with Ryan since his is short. I was doing all of his laundry and I noticed only two pairs of underwear in the wash. I TRIED to find out what happened to all of his underwear, but I got the usual blank stare. I finally asked him if he threw them away. Once again I got the blank stare. The stare of I am in here but I have no idea what you are saying. I did catch him throwing his clothes away last week. I went outside and said what are you doing? He had confused put away your clothes with throw your clothes away! So now I have to go replace all of his underwear. I swear to you on all that is holly that if throws them away again he will be free balling it.

Now lets move on to Amber. I sold my antique sewing machine yesterday and gave Amber the money so that she could buy her grad night ticket. Yes you read this right, I sold my prize sewing machine for my child. I came up $10 short and all she said to me when I gave her the money was "cool". My heart broke.

Then Amber starts looking at college out of state. I asked her why. Amber said "Well you are the one that said I could go"

I told Amber that before she started looking at colleges in Alaska and by her Grandmother that she needed to get a lot of stuff in order. Little things like saving money to buy a car when she gets there, paying her own car insurance, putting gas in her car, figuring out if these people are going to charge her rent, how she is going to get a phone on her own....with no credit and then she needed to figure out if Rusty's disability benefits will cover her if she goes out of state. Oh lets not forget little things like health insurence.

That was when Amber lost it. Did she honestly think that WE were going to continue to pay for all of these things?

Then I asked her why she wanted to go to my moms house. After all my mom has put her out before. Remember that my mom did not even spend 24 hours with you before picking up hell child. You about lost it over that. What do you think is going to happen if you live there. Do you think that your grandmother is actually going to love you more? Hell no. You will just be a built in baby sitter!

Amber did not want to hear this. I guess reality sucks. HMMM welcome to my world.

Maybe I was wrong to be so blunt with her but there it is. Amber got mad and called Rusty.

Rusty is mad at me for selling my sewing machine. Well I either gave her the money now, or took it out of his check. Either way the money needed to be paid.

Yesterday I did get part of the garage cleaned up and got all of the laundry done. Over the weekend someone was nice enough to throw the clothes from the dryer on the floor, so the got soaked, and I had to re wash them. Oh the joys of my life.

Today I have to go to the bank and get some money out. I need to go get nikki something to eat since she has an away match tonight. Oh did I mention that Nikki made Varsity? Then I have to go buy Ryan his underwear. The bank does not open until 10 and I have to be home by noon because Ryan gets out of school early today.

It is cold here and I do not care about the gas bill. I am turning the furnance on.

Who says that a house rats life is dull. The excitement never ends here.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

a quick question

Marty and I have been talking about how sometimes we just do not want to leave our houses. How sometimes we do want other people to ask us to do anything and we just want to run from the world. Are we alone here?

pictures everyone!

This little one is Buddha..... the sick kitten. She so loves sleeping in the sun.

This is the cat tree that the marines built for me. The big black cat is actually Rusty's. His name is gunner.

Here all three of the foster kittens. I just love seeing them napping together.

The black and white cat is Oreo and the solid black cat is Lucky.

This is the table that I sew at and the table that Rusty would like to eat at. Silly boy you just can't move sewing! LOL

This is Nikki's blanket. Amber asked me what I made it with because it is so heavy. I am thinking good because that is what Nikki wanted!

This is the scrap quilt. I love the way this one turned out! The sad thing is.... I still have more scraps! I have gotten all of my material down to 1 medium tote so I am doing good!

I have no idea what is going on with aohell. It is not allowing me to read most of the journals! Sorry if I did not comment, it was not me it was aolhell.

Today I am going to do some stuff around here. Nothing major. I may pull out what is left of my material and go through it and figure out another quilt or something. I am not sure yet.

I have taken over paying the bills. I even have some of them set up to be paid on line. I am liking this on line bill pay. So yesterday we got some bills in the mail and I jumped to look at them! The bills were so small! With me being able to pay on line I can go on and pay whatever I want through out the month and then when the bill comes it is nothing! I am so loving this.

Do I look like a pillow.... don't answer that! I have three kittens sleeping on my lap.

Anyway, I have figured out that I want to put black cats along the bottom of my ball gown. Rusty said no because it is not Halloween. So I will have to go look around for something funky, yet not to funky.

Does anyone out there other me watch Oprah? Did you see the one with Jerry Seinfeld and his wife? Well she sneaks vegi's into everything and her children love it. Rusty is not a vegi eater. I am like his vegi cop.

So last night I was looking at some of this gals idea's. For dinner last night I made meat loaf. I was able to sneak in an ass load of carrots! I do not have a food processor so I just chopped them up super small! I also added some potatoes. I diced them up small, and you could see them, but Rusty likes Potatoes. Anyway it turned out son good! I am going to have to try more of her ideas!

I also had a dream that someone called the aspca on me! What is that about? Yes, I have a ton of cats but lets face it, they are all taken care of! Oh well

I am off to start my day. I need to put dinner in the crock pot, and switch around the laundry. Oh my life is just so thrilling.

Monday, October 15, 2007


So last night I was sitting on the bed rubbing down with lotion. Then an Elvis song comes on the t.v and I started singing. I sang the entire song. Rusty just looked at me.

I looked at him and said "What my mom was an Elvis fan" Rusty laughed and said that his mom was also an Elvis fan.

Then I thought of something from my childhood that made me laugh. I asked Rusty if he remember's when the post office was going to put out the Elvis stamp and you got to vote for the stamp. My mom and I had a huge disagreement over this stamp. I wanted the young Elvis and she wanted the old Elvis. So we both voted and the young Elvis won.

Once again Rusty gave me the deer in the headlights look! O.K. maybe have always been a little bit strange. Anyway, I was surfing youtube this morning and found my favorite song by Elvis.

Just for the record I was born in 1970 so I do not remember that much about Elvis. I do remember my mom being sad when he died.

I do not have that much that I need to get done today. I do need to figure out what to make for dinner. I am so not in the mood to cook. I need to fold some laundry, but that can wait until I sit down to watch Oprah. I need wash my hair, but I hate washing my hair.

Oh screw all of it. I am going to go pull something out for dinner and then do some sewing. Life is to short not to sew.


Sunday, October 14, 2007

fire place

Friday was so chilly and we are still holding out on not turning the heat on, so I put a fire in the fire place. It was so nice to sit by the fire and sew. I have not done that in a long time. Oh note to self. Get one of those chimney cleaning logs.

The marines decided that the fire was nice, so they kept it burning all night long!

We got some rain over the weekend so our fire wood got wet. That is not the best for making a fire! So the big bad marines went and bought dry wood so they could have their fire! LOL To my great surprise the marines even cleaned out the fire place before they left!

Our water heater is still leaking. Rusty is looking around for a deal on a new one. Sometimes I think it would be easier to rent. Then we could just call the land lord and them pay for it.

Saturday night 4 of us went to the store to get burgers and dogs for dinner. Now this may sound easy but it so was not easy. After about 20 minutes of the guys trying to figure out what type of burgers to buy... well I went and got starbucks. We finally make it to the check out and the guys decided to use self check out. O.k. this should be an easy job. Oh no. Never allow two marines to use self check out. After about 30 minutes of them refusing to let me help them..... I crawled into the shopping cart and just sat down. The guys just looked at me. Well I was sick of waiting on them. Finally we are done. By now there is a crowd by the door. One of the marines yells at Rusty " I got mom!" and he pushes me out the door!

One old lady gave me the thumbs up and laughed. Everyone else just stared at us!

Ryan asked me if he could go out front and play I told him no because it was time for to get ready for bed. Ryan just looked at me. So I looked at the clock.. it was only 6:30! Damn this is a sure sign that my long days of summer are over! Dark at 6:30! yep it is time for me to go tan.

This week I will take a picture of Nikki's quilt. I have started working on another marines quilt. This marine LeRoy said that he did not care what was on his quilt, so I asked him if I could make him a quilt out of all of my scraps, and he said yes. So I am actually almost done with that quilt top.

Last night LeRoy  saw what I had done and he said that he loved it. I showed him what some of the scraps were from just in case anyone gave him shit about having pink in his blanket. I just love the way this blanket is turning out!

Well the sick kitten just ate 1/2 can of high calorie food. She is feeling so much better. I think she is back from the edge.

Friday, October 12, 2007


Yesterday went good. I finally got Nikki's quilt done, but not with out some complications. I so measured wrong, so I had to cut and patch to make it fit, but it is done. I will have to wait until she spends the night at a friends house to do all of the detail work on it.

Buddha, the sick kitten, is hanging in there. She has ben eating her high calorie food and sleeping. Rusty was just happy to see her eating and at least walking again. I just know that she is going to pull through this.

Yesterday Rusty started throwing up at work. I think he just has a bug since he is not running a fever or anything. So while Rusty was laying down Buddha jump up on his chest and went to sleep. Rusty just cuddled her and kept her warm. rusty said that he could not stand to see an animal in distress.

Amber asked Rusty to help her find some stuff on the Internet, so he got up to help her. About an hour later I come out of the bedroom and I interrupted their conversation. So I left.

It turns out that they were talking about college and why I would not allow Rusty to adopt them. Rusty told Amber that he would have to talk to me about that. Rusty knows the answer but did not want to tell her.

So I am waiting for Amber to ask me. The reason is actually very simple. If Rusty adopted the girls then my ex would be off the hook for child support and I will be damned if I am going to let him get off that easy. Once Amber turns 18 she can go have her name changed. Hell I will even pay for it. Oh do not get me wrong. I do not get any child support but his bill keeps mounting!

Yesterday I noticed that the water heater was leaking. Great that is just what we need. We have fixed and patched our water heater for two years now. I just hope that we can fix it again. The again spraying fabreeze on turd still makes it a turd. So patching the water heater will still mean it is going to go eventually. I so want one of those tankless water heaters.

Why does everything involve money? I told Nikki that she will not be going to Costa Rica. The bonus check that we were waiting on still has not come in, so there is no extra money. I am going to try to find a business that might sponsor her for this trip, but if that fails then she will not be going. Nikki said that was fine with her. She is going to start saving for her mission trips for next year.

Well life is calling so I better get busy.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I am still going

Well everyone before you start to read, go grab your coffee and get comfortable.

Last Friday Beth, George and I went to the goodwill to do some shopping. It turns out that it was 50% off day! Man we all cleaned up! I got my ball gown and I only paid $4 for it! I could not believe it. I saw the dress on a dummy and I made George help me undress it so that I could try the dress on. It was a perfect fit! The dress is very simple and everyone has said that I do not need to embellish it, but we will see.

I also got this long black,sexy little thing from Frederick of Hollywood. So while Rusty was going to the bathroom I slipped it on. I swear his eyes popped out of his head! I asked him if he wanted $4 sex, and he did. I can't believe that I got a Frederick of Hollywood nighty for $4!

On Saturday Beth's brother,Alex, came in. Beth got out of the service so Alex was going to help Beth drive across the country. So Sunday, I took Alex over to see the ocean. Alex had never seen the ocean, so it was so nice to see his face when h felt his first wave hit his feet. I could not have timed it better. The sun was going down, the ocean was packed with surfers and the water was warm! It was so nice to get to know this young man and to spend some time at the ocean.

Monday was a bad day for us. The computer went down. Beth got a call saying that her mother has to have a massive tumor removed from her stomach. Then one of the kittens took a really big turn for the worse.

Also on Monday a marine hurt me really bad. I was sitting at the sewing machine and I was sewing some stuff for the shelter since I was going to be going down there on Tuesday. This marine comes in and say's "what are you sewing mom?" So I told him. Then the marine says to me " Will I ever get my quilt? If not I can I ask George to make me a blanket." I just looked at him and said "If you want to ask George to make you a blanket then go for it. Everyone gets a blanket before they leave for Iraq. You will get yours."

What is that about? I make these blanket out of the kindness of my heart and they are not cheap to make! I just cant believe that he would say that to me.

Tuesday I had to take the kitten to the shelter and then down to the vet's office. The poor little thing lost so much weight that it was nothing but skin and bones! They gave her a bag of fluids and put her on a special food. It turns out that she has worms and that they worms were eating all of her food. The poor little thing was starving. So now she is on a very high calorie food and has to be fed about once an hour. I just know that she will pull through this.

Wednesday Rusty finally figured out what was wrong with the computer. It turns out that we had a virus!

Ryan has been bugging me to decorate for Halloween. I am so not in the mood and I do not even like Halloween. So, he was having an autistic moment and he kept bugging me. I just lost it. i finally told him that I was not going to decorate and that there would be no trick or treating this year. I am letting them go to church for their celebrations. At least that way I know that there will not be a pervert watching my child.

Today I am going to finally finish Nikki's quilt. I had run out of material so I finally got more. Today is going to be a sewing day.

It is actually cold again. I am thinking about turning the furnace on tonight. brrrrr


Thursday, October 4, 2007

life lessons

Right now I am listening to the beach boy's surfing USA. For me the really cool part of listening to this song is the fact that I have been to all of the beaches they mention. Is there life without the beach?

So last night I slip into a nice hot bath. I left the bathroom light out and just had the bedroom light on. I am thinking I am going to get a nice relaxing bath. Oh no that would never happen in this house.

Amber came in and sat on the toilet and told me that she is so frustrated with Sam. ( her boyfriend)

Now years ago I heard a piece of advice that wish someone had given me when I was young. The advice is to make a list of everything that you want in a husband, and to make a list of everything that you don't want. Then ask yourself what list the other person fits into.

One of the things on Ambers list is that she wants to travel the world and she wants to go live back east. Amber has been all over the United States and she has been to Mexico and Nicaragua. Soon she will be adding Europe and Costa Rico to her list. Amber says that there is more of this world that she wants to see.

Sam has been to California and Arizona and has no desire to leave. Ouch. I had to ask Amber if that was a deal breaker for her.

Amber said that she is not sure. She did say that she will not stop traveling world and that much she does know.

I am glad that she is going through this now and not once she gets married and has children.

So yesterday I get a call from the marine that took Rusty's medals in to get mounted. He wanted to know what they all were. Like I would know that! All I know is that I gave him 8 medals and that was is the Kuwaiti liberation medal. So this marine is going through a poster of all the medals. Then I hear him say "Why in hell does Rusty have a medal from the CCoast Guard?" Like I would know. I did not even know that the Coast Guard gave out medals.

Today I am heading out to 29 palms. I am going to pick up George and then we will take her back on Sunday. I am looking forward to getting out of the house for a few hours. Beth and CJ said that they would come up and be here when Ryan got off the bus. Yes, I am free for the afternoon.

Oh what, an afternoon of adult conversation? What will I do with myself.

Well, I need to get some stuff done before I can leave so I have to go. I hope everyone has a great day.



Wednesday, October 3, 2007

marine corps ball

So Rusty came home last week and told me that we had be invited to 1 mef staff and officer ball. 

For every one not up on the marine corps lingo 1 mef stands for 1st Marine Expeditionary force. Staff and officer ball mean a lot of snobby people.

O.K. so this is very important to Rusty. I sent all of his mini medals down to get mounted. (he can now wear his mini's on a tux since he is not wearing his uniform) Now I need to remind Rusty to get rent a tux.

Then there is me. What dress should I wear to the ball? Last year I cleaned out all of my ball gowns. I got rid of all but two of them, and I really do not want to wear either of them. I always try to find a dress that will make a statement, with out looking like a slut.

So this year I have a dress in mind. I am thinking tie die with pot leaves. George told me that I could not wear that unless I wanted to give Rusty another heart attack.

So I have decided to shop all of the thrift stores and then add all of my own little touches to it.  I do promise no pot leaves.

This could be fun. I have never decorated my own dress before. I usually just try to find a funky one. Now I going for funky and hippy.

I swear that my children are going to eat me out of house and home. Just letting you know that since they are in the middle of cooking dinner.

Any way back to the ball. I need to start looking for a new dress.

I keep thinking of this line from "We were soldiers and young once" The ladies were standing around and one lady says to another. "get out your best dress lady, the guys will want to celebrate"

routine is good

O.K. it is another day. For that I am grateful. Today I am choosing to trust. Rusty made a mistake, and i am going to trust him to fix it. I must trust. Rusty is not a bad man by any means. Rusty has been my rock many times and I must trust him again.

 Rusty's boss is in town, so Rusty will be around much this week. Then the owner of the company is coming out on Thursday. I really miss Rusty when I do not get to see him.

I have been sticking to my routine and as Gerri said I think it is the best thing to do. If I did not have a routine I think I would loose my mind.

Lets get back to my everyday. The foster kittens are doing awesome and the will soon be done with their med. I swear my day's are filled with taking care of animal's. Right now we have 8 cats and 2 dogs and I would not change it for the world.

I have to run to wal mart today and get the trim to finish Nikkis quilt. The trim that I want to put on is going to be tricky. I have never used this type of trim on a quilt before so I need to make sure that I get it right. I so do not want to have to take the whole quilt apart and do it again.

I found out this morning that tivo is a necessity. I guess because Amber has to run Nikki around that she will miss the next top model. I think I am suppose to care, but I just can't find the time yet.

Last night Nikki won $100 at church! She is going to use that money to go youth convention. Youth convention start's the day after Thanksgiving. This is where 6,000 youth from the so cal gather to listen to Christian rock bands and when we find out what mission trips are coming up. I pity the tourist in San Diego on that weekend.

Amber has to take the math part of the exit exam today. Amber is very worried about and so am I. Amber struggles in math and she really needs to pass this test.

Well, nothing is getting done by me sitting here. Ryan gets out of school early today, so I need to go do my running around so that I can be here when he gets home.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Feeling a little bit better

I would like to say a big thank you to each of you for sending up a prayer for me yesterday. I am feeling better today and I am trying to move forward one step at a time. Please continue to pray for me, and for our family.

I must tell everyone that Rusty did not hit me. That would never happen.

I think Rusty is going through a mid life crisis and the children and I are in his way. However I do not have time for his crisis. Maybe my size 7 1/2 shoe up his ass will help?

Today My goal is to work on Nikkis quilt as much as possible. I would really like to get it done this week. Then I have to find a good hiding spot for a queen size quilt! LOL

Youtube is really pissing me off this morning. For some reason it is taking forever to load.

Anyway back to my day. I am hoping at some point today to get a pile of laundry folded. Then there is still the question of what to have for dinner. I am thinking sloppy joes. I am still not in the mood to cook anything.

Tomorrow I have to take Amber to the clinic to get more birth control pills. I need to have her ask what happens when she looses her insurance next year. The girls are on state aid because my ex does not provide insurance for them. I wonder if I can still get state insurance on Amber if she is in college. I could take my ex back to court and get a new court order for it, but right now I do not have the energy to think about that.

Well everyone, I am still here and I am still standing. Time marches on and so must I. I am getting to all of my alerts. It is just going to take me a little longer today.

 Please keep our family in your prayers.


Monday, October 1, 2007

hurt and broken

My ex husband did some really bad shit to the girls and I. We were beaten, left homeless, and hungry. My ex took my spirit and trampled all over it.

Years ago Rusty told me that he would take care of me. Rusty told my dad that he would never hurt me.

Earlier this summer we saw Big and Rich in concert. When they sang the song holy water I just cried and held my hands in the air. I have been in that ladies shoes before. Rusty came and put his arms around me and told me that he had me and that he would be my holy water.

Today my world has come crashing down around me. I am not ready to fully talk about it.

I have tried to move on today and do all the things that need to be done. I have been doing laundry, pulled something out for dinner, went to wal mart, and even got Nikki's quilt cut out. I even hit my knee's and cried out to God.

All I want to do is cry. What I should be doing is kicking myself. I let my guard down and I got hurt. I let someone else make the decisions and I trusted them. I never checked or made the decisions myself. I totally blame myself.

How could I have been so stupid as to let this happen to me. I was and still am an idiot. I TAKE FULL BLAME for my world being shattered today.

I still have several hours before I can go to bed. I have to paste on a smile, and continue with my day. Tonight I am going to take a sleeping pill and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Trust me when I say tomorrow can be worse, but I am going to hope for the energy to get through the next few days.