Thursday, June 30, 2005

to hot!!!

Well it is suppose to be hotter the ever this weekend. Just in time for fourth of July! I have been trying real hard not to turn the air air..... with this whole energy crises thing! I think I am going to have break down and turn it on this weekend.

I just got an e mail from a very old friend. I miss them so much. She lives in southern Il. and we are out here in Cali. I did get to see them 2 years ago when we went back there for a vacation, but it was not enough. I wish her husband was not scard to fly, because I know they would have visited by now.

Rusty had a doc. appointment at the v.a. yesterday and it was nothing but bad news. Rusty has not been able to feel left foot for a while now, so the doc. has put in for him to get an mri. Then there are the on going issues. So today he has to go get a copy of some paper work and go see his v.a. rep. Then on friday he has to go to San Diego and talk to the d.a.v. officer. Then he will have to call our congressmen and they will push the claim through the rating board. The joy's of being a vet!

Ryan just did awsome on his math! I really wish that his teachers would have pushed him to do more and would have him to a higher standard. Instead the school was worried about making him feel good and thet worried less about making sure that he could read and add! Yes, I know that Ryan has issues, but if I can teach Ryan, then a "teacher" should have been able to do a better job then I have. When I started homeschooling him last year he could not even write his name, read or do basic math. Now he is writing, doing 2nd. grade math and is reading at a 2nd grade level. He should be in fourth grade, so we still have a lot of work to make up, but at least now he moving in the right direction.

I think I am going to take the children down to the lake today. We have not been there all week, so at least it will keep us cool.

I saw a clip on the news last night about the king tut stuff that is coming to l.a. I told Rusty that I really want to see it. I did not get to see it the last time it was here, so I really want to take the children to see it. This will be the last time it will be in l.a.! I think this is something that the children will never forget.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

doing what you have to do

My dad was raised very poor, but his parents tought him right from wrong. When I was growing up my dad tought me right from wrong. My dad also tought me that sometimes you have to do things to get by, even if they are not right. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I did what I had to do, but I know it is wrong.

Does that make me a bad person? Or does it make me someone who is just trying to get done what needs to get done? I do not feel guilty about what I did. oh well on to another subject.

I have a little bit of running around to do today so I guess I actually have to on a bra today! I think that bra's were invented by a guy and that they are a curse to all women! LOL

Last night Amber went to a meeting about the new high school that was built. She is very exceited about the up coming school year. I hope and pray that this year will be a better year then last year was. This new high school is so close that she can walk. It is damn near in our front yard! Three cheers for no bus!!!!!!

Well I guess I should start my day. As soon as Ryan is done with his work I need to get ready to head out the door.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

putting a smile on a friends face

So I have this friend who is the cmc on the hospial at pendleton. Now she tells me that this is a very good job, but she laughs when she talks about it! She is suppose to come across as a hard ass.... but she is not. From what I am told she can chew ass very well, but I just cannot picture it. Antway about 3 months ago she asked me if I would take one of her cat's. Cleo is 15 years old and the pound told Wendy that because she is old they would just put her to sleep " because everyone wants kittens". Then she called another animal rescue group and they said that they would take her only if she had been abused. So when Wendy asked me to take Cleo I said o.k. Wendy was heart broken, but with this new job she just does not have time to care for her pets, and she has another deployment to Iraq coming up.

This morning I just had a gut feeling that I should send her some pictures. So I called her sc. and asked her if she would help me pull a fast on Wendy. I sent this gal a bunch of pictures of mis cleo, and she is going print them off for me. Then when Wendy is having a bad day she is going to slip the pictures onto her desk. I hope it makes Wendy's day. I know that she is going to "mad" at me for pulling a fast on her!

I love doing little things like that for my friend's. When life get's me down I really try to do something for someone else. One day I was running the children all afternoon and it was so hot here! I kept seeing this one cop sitting at this building just writing ticket's. ( it must have sucked to be those people) So I am hot and worn out, but I run inside and grab an energy drink. I go back to where the officer is and I get her attention before I get to the car. I said " I have been running my children all afternoon and it is so hot, so I know you must be hot. I just wanted to give you something cold to drink." Then I handed her the energy drink. This cop was in shock! Then she started to laugh. She knows all about xs and the flavor I gave her was her favorite flavore! We had to laugh at fate would bring us together. I went home and just felt good about myself.

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Monday, June 27, 2005

slow day

Nothing really happened today. I did some laundry, and some cleaning. Now that is just thrilling! LOL

I did finish a puzzle that I was working on. I was going to glue it together and have it framed, but I ended up putting it under the glass on our dinning room table. It makes the table look nicer at least.

Everyone says that we have very nice furniture. My in laws had it hand carved in the middle ast. It is all rosewood with gold  detailing. I hate it. The reason I hate it is because I did not pick it out. Now let me explain. When I got marroed we had furniture that we could affoerd and that was useful for children. That was fine by me. I had this foolish idea that when we could afford better WE would go buy it. I actually thought that we would go and pick out the furniture and that we would decorate our home together. Instead I am stuck with a house of ugly furniture. Two out of three drawers on my dresser only open a few monthes out of the year. Tis other thing I have is the same way. Only one door on the china hutch opens because like all the other drawers it is swelled shut never to be opened again. Then there is the dinning room table. Dad told me that he was going to leave it to me when he died and I told him then that I did not want it. This table is ovel and has glass over it. well that is a pain in the ass to clean. So I do not allow the children to eat at the table because I am to lazy to clean it three times a day. Then the glass does not fit right so we had mold growing on the table! I hate this furniture. I really want to decorate my house the with furnoiture that we picked out. Instead I am stuck with a house full of furniture that I HATE. I guess I can add this to my broken dream list!

So now I am working on another puzzle. I think it is mising a few pieces, but for fifty cent who can complain. so since dinner is done I am going to go work on the puzzle.


Sunday, June 26, 2005

good day

Well today I took the children hiking. We ended up at the falls and it was great! I love to be out doors and I am so glad that I have chilren that like to be out side too!

This was only the second time that Ryan had been hiking and he did awesome! I placed him between Amber and I on the hike in case he needed help. A couple of times Amber turned around to help him and he said " I can do this!"

I would like to know where the people and doctors are that said Ryan would not be doing this stuff. I have heard it all. He will never walk, or ride a bike, He will never be able to write etc..... Ryan does everything that we do. hell I think that he has gone more places and does more stuff then most children his age. So all I have to say to the peolple that put limits on his is  screw you!

I was talking woth another guy at the falls who told us about another great hiking spot where there are also fall's. so I told Rusty about them and he knows the area well because it bumps up to camp pendleton! I think we will be checking that place out in a few week.

Next weekend is fourth of July. So will be going to the majors house to finish up any last min. details before we head to death valley the following weekend. Wow the next few weeks are going to be very busy for us.

I am off to watch some t.v. and then crash.

picture #1 is amber

picture#2 is nikki

picture#3 is ryan

long night

I had just gone to bed and was ready to fall asleep when my cell phone rings. Who in the hell is calling me at midnight! It was Ambers old boyfriend's mother! It seem that the old boyfriend and the mother had a fight and he walked out. While walking out he told a friend that he was going to go see Amber. So now I am up. I told this kid that if he ever came over here that we would call the cops on him. I told the kids mother this too. Well we ended up sitting up for a few hours, but this kid never showed up. Good for him.

Rusty just left for the store to get some stuff to make a big breakfast! I need one! Later on this afternoon/ early evening Elli and some of her friend are coming up. So we are going to hike out to the falls and then bbq. I am looking foward to seeing the big falls. I will have to take pictures.

I have made a choice on what to do with the bathtub. I am on the look out for an old bear claw bath tub. I want to now totally gut the childrens bathrrom. I want to get an old bear claw tub to put in that bath room! My budget is around $1,000 so I am looking like hell for a free one! I want new wood floors put in. A new sink area, the bear claw tub and new lighting. I can do this! I cant wait to start tearing this crap out of the bathroom! But I must wait until I have stuff to replace it with. I dont think the children would find it funny if I turned the hose on and told them to shower with it.


Saturday, June 25, 2005

broken dreams

My husband walked in a few min. ago and asked me what was wrong. I just let him have it. I am sick of running the childrn everywhere. I sick of entertaining the children. I am sick of cooking and cleaning. Most of all I am sick of dreaming of a different way of life. I guess my dad was right. He said once you have children your life is no longer your own. Well my children have my life and I want it back.

I want to one day travel to Ireland and see the place that my grandmother left. I was to go to Ellis Island and look in on America and wonder what it must have been like to travel so far and not be allowed to enter this country. I want to spend the holiday's in the middle east. I want to see where Jesus was born. I want to lay on the bst beaches around the world. I guess what I want does matter and I know that I should top dreaming of better life and be happy with the one that I have.

I hate it when people call me a bitch. I am not a bitch; I just have a masters degree from the school of hard knocks. I have lost the ability to feel sorry or to have pitty on people. I hate it when people complain about not having a sitter. My parents told me to go live on public aid because they were not going to raise grand babies. So I did. I lived in a little roach and rat infested apartment. I got a whole $740 a month.

I have no  pitty for people when the complain about the car that they drive. I have never in my life owned a new car. The only cars I have ever had were used or given to me.

I have never in my life had a wedding. I do not know what it is like to have a wedding dress or to have my dad give me away. I have always had to settle for jeans. I actually bought a wedding dress once, but I gave it to good will last year. I figured why should keep it, I will never use it. So do not invite me to a wedding because I will not go. It will only remind my of what I never had.

I have never had anyone give me a baby shower. The girls slept in laundry baskets or what ever I could find. Someone did give me a crib when Amber was about 6 months old. Everything that I needed for a baby came from the goodwill or we just did with out. I have to be fair. My mother did send me some blankets and a few outfits. I do not go to baby showers. I will say this. My grandchildren will never do with out a damn thing. You can bet on that.

I guess my give a damn really is busted. wait let me think.... did I ever have one? I think at one time I did, but not anymore.

Life is rough and at time I feel like  I am stuck in a wave that just keeps crashing against the rocks. I feel so beaten down. I hope that one of these days my children will grow up and leave so I can move on and do something That I want. But for now I guess I will just have to come up for air and try to go with the flow.

just talking

Last night our oldst adopted daughter (elli) brought some friends up. So they all drank and we watched a movie. I remember the first time that I ever met Elli. It was Thanksgiving and one of our other friends had called to ask if she could join us for thanksgiving dinner. She was only 18 then and now she is 21. Elli has become such a good friend and we sure are going to miss her when she moves back to Alaska, but Elli has made a very wise choice. Last month when she went home she bought a condo! WOW she shocked us with that one. She said why pay rent when I can pay my own house payment. Smart thinking! She is even renting it out while she is still stationd in cali! She made a very good choice there. I have started gathering stuff for her new house, and one of these weekend we are going to go yard saling to furnish her new place. Heck the government will pay to move all of her stuff, so why not! Lol I do need to get busy and start looking for some material to make her a big quilt.

It is so strange how you meet people and how some people become closer then then your own family. That is the way it is for us. Rusty's dad died a few years ago and his mom lives about 2 hours away. My dad is not doing good and I dont expect him to be around that much longer. I do not really have a conversation's with my mom and I have not spoken with with my sister in over 2 years. So our family is what we make of it. We have been blessed with a lot of good friends.

Today I have to take Nikki to a birthday party and then she is going to catch a ride to another friends house to go to a sleep over. Amber spent the night at a friend house and then she is going to that gals party. Then I have to pick here up and drop her off at anothers person house for yet another party. This is sounding like I will have a nice calm evening!

Rusty went to help a friend put a roof on his house today. There are suppose to be a lot of guys showing up today, So I did not go. I want to help roof the house because that is something that I have never done before. I love to learn new things and to really get in there and help get a job done.

Friday, June 24, 2005

re do of the bathroom

Well we have been talking about gutting the childrens bathroom. So I have ben looking around t some diffrent designs. Man some of that stuff is expensive. So I am going to have to do a lot of bargin shopping! We are still trying to figure out if we want to tile the shower area or if we are just going to get a new insert. I had no idea that there were so many choices out there!

Yesterday I got so sick. I think it is just from to much sun and not enough water! So I am just going to chill in the house today and give my body a break from the heat and the sun.

This wekend is going to be so busy for us. Both of the girls have two parties to go to! I have never seen two children that get invited to so many parties.

The girls are wanting to take boxing lessons! That is cool with me. It has to be cheaper then dance. Hell anything is cheaper then $400 a month for dance. LOL


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

just hanging out

Today is going to be hot as usual. I am not sure if I want to go to the lake or not. I think my skin needs a break from the sun! However the girls have a party to go to down at the lake so I just might end up stating there anyway.

Both of the girls have said that they are not going to dance next year. Nikki wants to play softball again and Amber wants to either do cheer or dance through school. Well that will save us an ass load of money. Ryan will play baseball again in the fall. It seems that summer is the only time when I dont have a lot of running to do.

I would like to take a belly dancing class but I am not sure if I can fit it in betwen all of the childrens activities.

last night I was watching the travel channel and they had a show on about the food from chicaco. Man Chicago is one nice city and sometimes I really miss it. I got very sad watching the show and seeing the city I love. I also miss the food! Well they showed this place up in Burbank that is owned by some people from Chicago and they serve nothing but Chicago style food! They even have eli's chesecake!!!!! One of these days I am going to drive all the way up there just for a slice of pizza and chesecake.

Well lets see... I got the laundry done and the dishes ar done. I got part of the garage cleaned, so for now I am out of work to do. I could go clean our room, but I am not in the mood. LOL I wantd to go hike out to the falls today, but that will have to wait since the girls have a party to go to.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

a great way to start!

It was so nice to be able to sleep in. I was able to get up whn I was done sleeping not when the alarm clock went off!

Then I was listening to my messages and I found out that our bis. is # 14 in on line sales and number 3 as far as vitamins and make up go! I was so happy to hear that!

Then I was schooling our son and I started math where he was going to have to do some carring. To my great shock he got it after the second problem! I should call the captin and let him know!

Last week this captin we know took Ryan out to fly in the simulator. Well I asked how much math he uses and he told Ryan to get really at math if he want's to fly! So Ryan has been trying very hard.

I took 6 children down to the lake yesterday we all had a good time. So today I think we are going to head back to the lake. It is nice to just get out of the house.

Well I am off to do some cleaning before we go to the lake.

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Monday, June 20, 2005

not to much going on

Well I ended up doing nothing on Saturday except going to see the girls dance. They had their final dance for th year and they both did awesome. The new dance season starts in less then a month and I am not sure if I am happy or not, Dance is very expensive and very time consuming.

Sunday was fathers day and the children gave rusty all of his fathers day gifts. I called my dad. He is not doing to good and I am scared to death to find out what is wrong with him now. My dad has been sick for a very long time, so nothing will shock me, but I still dont want to know.

Today I am going to help Ryan with his school work and do some house work and that is about all I have planned for today. It is suppose to start warming up, so we will be going to the lake a lot more.

A few years ago I had a gray long haired cat, but he ran away. So I told my husband that I wanted another cat. He said that I could get one if I could find another long haired gray. So off to the pound I went. Panther is a big boy and sometimes likes to be loved on, but since the other two cas he has ben pissed at me. Last night panther startd crying, so I called his name. He came into the bedroom and wanted to be loved on! I was so shocked. He let me love on him for a good 45 min. and then this morning he kicked the other cats off the bed and wanted more loving. Cat'e are very strange creatures.

Well I need to get up and go take a shower.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

up but not moving

Well I am up. To my shock I actually slept god once I got to sleep.

I am not sure what I am going to do today. Maybe I will hit a few yard sales or just clean up the house. I would love to go to some yard sales and score some pyrex. I collect very old pyrex and mosy people sell it and they dont even realize what they have! On of these days when I get my dream house I want to have a dish room. Actuall it would be a pyrex room. I would love to have a huge pyrex collection so that the pyrex corp. would have to come visit to see all of the stuff they have made. LOL

Friday, June 17, 2005

what the hell

I am sure that this entry is going to make me sound ungreatful and self centered, but I am not.

Today I took the girls shopping for some new clothes and for a new swimsuit. There were so many cute clothes that I wanted to try on. There were even some really cute dragonfly pins that I would have loved to have. Then I remembered that we could not spare any extra money. i just wanted to cry right there in the store. I am sick of seeing things that I would like and then remembering that I cant have them. When do mom's get a chance to get what they want? or what they need?

Tonight our son was cought sticking his middle finger up at another little boy and at some cars passing by. So when I asked him what he did he showed me. I grabbed his finger.  I told him to put his bike away and to go to bed.

Our middle daughter had the nerve to say to me that I am being to hard him and that I am treating him like my husband use to treat the girls. Yes, my ex use to beat the girls. My gosh I am so hurt by that comment. I have never beat any of my children. so I am not sure where that comment came from. I feel like she has ripped my heart out.

I worked nights during dance season just so these girls could dance. Ryan hardly ever gets new clothes because someone gives us handi downs. Yet the girls get new clothes. I shop yard sales and thrift stores for my clothes yet the girls get new stuf all the time. Why the attitude? why the hurtful words?

I so want to just go crawl into bed and when I wake up I will realize that this day has been a dream. o.k. actually it would be a night mare.

Ryan just walked out and said that he was sorry. When I asked him who told him to say that he said Nikki. I hate it when children say they are sorry and they are not. I hate t when children say they are sorry and they ar not. Our children need to learn that saying your sorry does not make everything right. All it does is piss me off because I know that they are not sorry, they are just trying to get out of trouble.

Rusty went down to the post to hang out with his friend, and that is cool with me. Right now I would love to have a shouler to lean on, but I am not sure if Rusty would understand anyway. So I called another friend to see if she wanted to go grab a cup of coffee, but she was eating dinner. I guess I have to handle this day on my own.

I think I am going to go take a nice long bath and pretend that someone out there knows how I am feeling and can relate.


its early.....just thinking!

My gosh it is early! I woke up because I did not hear my daughter come in. Amber ( our oldest) went over to a friend house and we went to bed before she got home. Then for some reason I woke up thinking that I did not hear her come in. Well she is in bed and I am up.

Yesterday was great. I got to talk to my parents and they are doing good. My father opened up his father day's and birthday gifts already! what am I going to do with him? His birthday is not until the 19th! LOL I asked my dad what time of the day I was born and he said well here let me have you ask your mother, I was in jail that night! My gosh I am from a red neck family. I guess I should feel a little better about myself because at least I know who my dad is..... my sister does not!

My father did say that Ryan's handwriting is getting so much better. People are starting to nothice the difference in him. About this time last year we switched from meds that the doctor was giving him to all natural "meds" and the are working.We use to use words like handicap, noonans, and adhd now we are using words like doc.'s could not figure it out but we did! Ryan is now only about a year behind in school and catching up fast!


Thursday, June 16, 2005

my birthday

Well I am 35 today! It has been a great birthday. I got a lot of dragon fly stuff. I just love dragon fly's! One of my dear friend went and cut some roses from here garden and gave them to me. She is just so sweet!

There is nothing else going on here. I am just going to sit around and enjoy me family! Oh we did have yet another big shake. So I am sure that my parents will call and ask me if california has become an island yet!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

something I was thinkig about

I am very much an animal lover. We have 3 cats, 1 dog, 2 hampsters, and some fish. I told mu husband that if we ever build our dream house that I want a cat room. this room would be complete with in door grass, kinda like a green house. There will be furniture for the cats to sleep on, and plenty of room for the litter boxes! I want to be that crazy cat women on the hill. well..... my husband pointed out that I am about half way there! We have a screened in back porch and the cats have taken it over. I put a blanket on the table so that the have something soft to lay on, and the litter box is out there!

I wonder if I can grow grass in a big enough container so that we can actual grass in the house. That would be so cool!

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nothing going on....... for a change

yesterday was a o.k. day. I talked for a long time to an old friend. It is to have friend that you can just pick up the phone and chat with. we must have talked about everything!

I am so happy that school will be out this week. I am looking foward to a long summer with the children. I want to go the ocean a lot. I love being able to sit on the beach and watch the children play in the water. I dont usually go in, but I have fun just catching up on some reading and watching the children have a blast.

A couple we know was suppose to go to Japan for a 3 year tour, so we were going to send our oldest there for her 16th birthday. Well now our friends are going to new york. I guess we can send our daughter to new york but I thought that Amber ( our daughter) would get a kick out of going to Japan. Oh well I guess new york will have to do.

I will be 35 on Thursday. That is so cool. I only get better with age, so I am looking foward to this birthday! Thirty was a hard year for me and I had such a complex about myself. My mother told me that if I do not make it through 30 then 40 will kill me. Sp I sat down and did some soul searching Everything about my life was looked at. All of the things that I did not like, I worked hard to change them, and I know know that I am in charge of my life. Thirty four was great so I know that thirty five will be awesome!

well I need to get started on my day. Today I am going to spend the day just working around the house......but I dont mind. I love keeping a house.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

keeping busy

The last few days have been very busy here. Sunday we went over to a friends house, just to drop something off and we ended up staying and cooking out. It was a blast to just sit down and talk to old friends again. we had not seen Curt and Lisa in all most a year, and it was so great to see them.

We are going through the house and getting rid of stuff. One of the items that got rid of was a pre wwII officers war desk. I did not want to just give it to the goodwill so I called Curt who just happens to be an officer in the marine corp. Curt about fell over with excietment! I am glad we were able to make his day. It was a great feeling to do something nice for someone else.

When we got home fro urt and Lisa's house another friend called me to tell me that yet another friend son was held up in their house, and that the swat eam was outside. So I went around the corner to see what the hell was going on. even to this day I am not sure of all the details as to what happened. What I do know is that our friend was scared to death that the police were going to shoot her son. I have no idea what it must be like to be that scared. What I do know is that I hope I never have the type of pain thatI saw in her eyes.

Sometime today I am going to go over to our friends house and just ask her if she needs anything. I am not sure what to say, but maybe a hug will help.

Yesterday I mentioned to my husband that I thought we had enough wood to do the floor in our bathroom. We had been buying some wood when ever we had some extra money and were hoping to do the kitchen, but instead the wood was warping in the garage! So we got down the boxes and sure enough there was enough wood to do our bathroom and the entry way to our house. That pergo is so easy to use and it looks really nice. One wekend when the girls are gone we are going to do the childrens bathroom. I know that it will look so awesome in there!

School will be out this week for our middle daughter and I cannot wait. Nikki has had an awsome year. She ws on the student bod government, a dance team, and she managed to keep her grades up. Nikki did awesome this year.However I will be glad when it is all over so that she can get some sleep.

Two years ago we went to death valley with curt and Lisa. Curt runs in the bad water. why anyone would run in death valley is beyond me! LOL Then last year Curt was in Iraq so he was unable to run in badwater. so he ran around his camp instead. We told Curt last year we would supply all of his gatorade this year. It is going to be an awesome trip for us! This year we are going to go camp there because all of the rooms are booked! camping in death valley in 130 degree heat...... hey I am game. If my husband had to live in those conditions then I guess I can last a week in those conditions.

So anyway we are going to take our own energy drinks and our own "gatorade" from our biz. afeter all we are the cream of the crop when it comes to sports products!

We got the news yesterday that our buisness will be going international! I am so happy. So now we have to go apply for passports! Life is rough..... sit on the beaches of acapulco mexico, and then work at night, and still write the whole thing off! I cant wait.

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