Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I blame starbucks

Well I kicked ass on getting the house cleaned up. Actually I made the children help so it went really quick.

Then I lost of my energy. I have done nothing but sit on the sofa for the last few hours. I never just sit and do nothing. I have no energy. I blame starbucks. I am giving up my daily starbucks, in hopes of cutting my calories. Now I have no energy.

Amber is at the beach and when she is done with that she is going to go spend the night at a girlfriends house. Rusty is not happy about this since she does not have a job. I think we should just leave her alone and let her fall on her face. Sometimes that is the best way to learn.

Well I better get my ass in gear and cook something for dinner. After it cools off some I will go for a walk and see if that make me feel any better.

OH, I have to be up early tomorrow. One of our friends is coming in. He will be here for something like a week. It will be nice to see him again. I just love it when the marines come back for a visit! Maybe we will hit the beach one day.

I am not sure why I like this song, I mean after all I live in California!

gretchen wilson-california girls

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a lot to do today

This is how I feel this morning. I am trying to get up earlier, but man this is going to take some getting use to.

Today I have so much to get done. I have the usual, but on top of that I need to go talk to Nikki's councilor and take Sams dry cleaning in.

Nikki called last night and she is having a blast! I am just so proud of her for taking all of the opportunities that she has.

Are parents allowed to be envious of their children? I wish I would have had the opportunities that Nikki has. I wish I could travel the world and not have a care in the world.

I guess that is why growing up and being a responsible adult sucks!

A bunch of the marines are going up to magic mountain on Saturday! I am so happy that they are getting out and doing stuff. I know they will have a blast!

I will have Amber take a picture of me with straight hair. It does look a little funny to me.

Growing up my mom would keep my hair short and I always looked like bozo. I use to want straight hair, but it was not until a few years ago that I got brave enough to straighten it. Anyway, now I love my curls because people pay to have hair like mine!

Well nothing is getting done by me sitting here, so I need to get moving.

Monday, July 30, 2007

old people sex

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this before or not, but I am double jointed in hips. Now trust me when I say that Rusty LOVES that. However he does not hearing the words " hey baby now that we are done will you please come help put my hip's back in"

Well for some reason my hips were really hurting me. I went to bed thinking I might get to sleep before midnight. Rusty and I ended having sex. I said " be careful my hips are really hurting me". So we get done and I was like get off my legs are going to shoot off my body. Then rusty rolls over and groans as he lands on his bed. Oh my gosh we just had old people sex!

Today I took Beth down to se the doctor and she was released to go back to work tomorrow. Right now Beth is reading a book and it is so nice to see her up and reading!

Over the weekend Hailey (one of the marines) and I were coming home from somewhere. When a man with no shoes crossed the street in front of us. Hailey said turn around I want to give him my shoes. So I turned around. The man would not take the shoes because he said that he had some, but just did not feel like wearing them. He said that he was just starting his rounds on collecting bottles and cans. Neither Hailey or I had an money on us. So I said come on. Lets clean out the car. We gave the man two bags of bottles and cans. It is little moments like this that I love sharing with the marines.

Well dinner is in the oven cooking. We are having shake and bake ( generic) chicken, scalloped potatoes, and green beans for dinner. I think everyone will be happy with that.

Amber is very upset because she can't find a job. I know that she will find one, and I am just encouraging her to go out there and to keep looking. Amber is finding out how much it sucks to have bills and no job.

Over the weekend I straightened my hair. Rusty said that he loved it. I said " I thought you liked my curls more" he said that he does but now that my hair is straight he can actually run his fingers through it! The marines were really shocked to see me with straight hair. One of them said that they were shocked at just how long my hair actually is.

Today I took back three out of the four kittens. The fourth one we are keeping, but she is not big enough to get fixed yet. So now she is walking around crying, and looking for her litter mates. Poor little girl!

I am off to finish some stuff before Rusty comes home.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

where have I gone?


These pictures were taken about 4 years ago. I was talking to one of the marines this weekend and I just had to drag them out.

I was asked to go to something called Jane Wayne Day. There is where is wives get to go and play marine for a day. I was asked to attend the Jane Wayne Day at the Marine  Recruit Depot San Diego. I never in a million years thought that I would be doing what recruits do!

I did it and I had a blast. I must say that banging my body to hell was fun. Some of the stuff was a challenge at first, but I did everything.

I was looking at the pictures and wondering where that lady is. my arms were so toned and I even had a six pack! I so want her back.

I guess tomorrow I will get back to doing what I use to do. I use to walk two miles a day. I would swim 1 mile every other day and then I would have never let a potato chip touch my lips.

I look at my self now and I am just disgusted! I need to loose some weight in my face and show off my high Indian cheek bones!

On another subject. I two sick marines here over the weekend. Beth is still having some problems with her eyes. I will be taking her back to the doctor tomorrow. Then another marine had 4 teeth cut out! Can you say ouch!

Next weekend is a work weekend. The guys are going to rebuild a Jacuzzi! LOL I cant wait to this. Then I know two of the marines are going to want to party. One will be turning 21 and one is suppose to be getting out, but he is on a medical hold.

Photobucket sucks tonight! It cut my head off in one of the slide shows!

It is time for me to go water the flowers.

Friday, July 27, 2007

yes it is friday!

Shhh, you can come on in, just be very quiet . Our friend Beth ( another marine) had eye surgery yesterday, so she is recovering here. Poor girl, she was in a lot of pain until her pain pills kick in. Now she rest with some frozen vegi's on her eyes.

The other Marine that was sick is doing much better. I am so glad about that.

Amber and her boyfriend Sam were in a car accident yesterday. Sam was driving is dads car so there was no damage to our daughter or our car. Amber has a bruised elbow and that is it. Sam however would not speak to Amber last night. He just kept saying " I could have killed you". I told Amber to give him time and to not take it personally. Sam will speak her again. I think he was in shock last night.

Nikki called today and she said " mom I saw so many dragonfly's yesterday and I was thinking about you. Are you o.k.?" ( I love dragonfly's) I told her that I was fine and that I was thinking of her yesterday. I so miss her. I guess that will never change. I should be use to her being gone but I am not. I can't say well just stay at home so I won't miss you. So I will miss her when she's gone and love her to death when she is here.

I started filling out Nikkis school form for this year. Rusty and were talking about what we are going to do with Nikki over the next few years. Nikki will 19 while still a senior in high school. I us to home school the children and when I went to enroll them in school they thought that she would be  "behind" because she was home schooled. idiots! I am thinking about pulling Nikki from school and letting her take all of her classes on line through BYU. This way she can get both high school and college credit for the classes and she wont have to take the other crap that will not help her at all. The only thing is she has to be 16 before we can start BYU. Nikki wants me to pull her from school right now!

Yesterday was so strange for me. As soon as Rusty walked in we could not keep our hands off of each other. It was just one of days when we both wanted to be very close to each. What can I say? My husband still turns me on!

Today I am going to just hang around the house. I want to be here in case Beth needs anything.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

yesterday was fun

grab something to drink and have a seat. Yesterday was so much fun for us!

I some how managed to get all the stuff done that I needed to get done....and I got it done very early!

I went to pick up one of Ambers girlfriend. I am sitting at a stop light trying to light a smoke and talk on the phone when the light turns green. I happen to look in the rear view mirror and saw a cop. I so hung up the phone and watched my speed.

I get to the friends house and five cop cars go flying past us. So we decided that it would be a good idea to follow them and see what they are up to. Once the cops turned onto the dead end street we stopped, and just watched them raid a house!

Then I came home and decided that we needed to go to the lake. I called a neighbor down the street to see if her daughters wanted to go. One of her daughters has c.p., so I know she does not get invited to go out very often. It was so nice to just float in the lake. It has been a while since I took a break, and did something for myself.

Then we came back home and I was able to finish up some quilts that I had been working on. As you can see the kittens were so willing to help me! I had enough scraps that I even made a little girl baby quilt. I do not know anyone who is having a girl, but I will be ready if they do!

Amber, Sam, and Jessica ( Ambers friend) decided that they wanted to go to coldstone and get some ice cream. The only thing is they had no money! So they scrounged for all the money they could find. Then Jessica grabs a cup and walks up to some of the marines and asks for donations. One of the marines pulled out a jack daniels bottle full of change. I told them that if they went and paid for their ice cream with they money from the jar that I would give each of them $3. Then I added that they had to have pictures! They did it.

Yesterday was filled with laughter and relaxation. I sure could use more days like that!

The picture below is an actual picture of our children walking on the beach by the lake. I so love our lake!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

what I did

Isent this dog just awesome looking? I have always wanted one of these dogs. I once worked for a lady that showed these dogs and she use to wash them in Nexus!

Anyway, what I did to earn that ticket. Jakes mom and sister were coming into town. So I told Jake to borrow one of our cars because it would be cheaper then him renting a car. However the car that had the base sticker on it had expired tags. So we switched the plates and I told Jake that if he got caught that I did not know him!

Jake returned the car to me and I had asked Jake to switch the plates on the car. Well he did, but I for got that he did. So I asked Ambers boyfriend Sam to switch the plates around and he did.

I had to run Amber to work. So I grabbed my keys. I figured I was only going a few blocks so I would not need my purse. As I was dropping Amber off someone called me and asked me to pick up their stuff for Ambers yard sale.

O.K. I take one of the back roads down by the lake. That way it will be quicker. That was when I got pulled over for going 5 miles over the speed limit. Then he asked to see my licence. I did not have it. I was then asked for proof of insurance and registration. I gave him those items.

When the officer comes back he charged me with going 5 miles over the speed limit, no licence, my insurance card was expired so the officer so kindly add on now proof of insurance, and finally driving on expired plate that belonged to another car.

Rusty just looked at the ticket and shook his head. I guess I will not be getting any play money for a long while.

Martha asked me how I manage to keep our bills down and how I stretch  our money when I feed so many people.

1. On Friday night I usually make something that can feed mass amounts of people and feed them very cheaply. Such as chili and bread. The marines are responsible for dinner on Saturday night. The usually all pitch in and someone will go buy some steaks and chicken or whatever. Then Sunday morning breakfast is usually egg's, any left over steak, toast and if we have any hash browns.

2. I do not buy any alcohol. I do not drink, so if the marines want booze then that must buy their own.

3. I never buy any new clothes. I shop yard sale and thrift stores. I actually like their clothes better.

4. The girls are given $200 at the start of the school year and they must buy everything they need for school. The only thing I buy is school supplies and bra's. This has really helped the girls learn how to budget the money. Both of the girls are still using the same back pack's that they bought 3 years ago. They have also discovered that payless shoes work just as well as the expensive shoes. As for Ryan. I just buy him clothes as they are needed. Boy's clothes are so hard to find at yard sales and thrift stores!

That is about all I can think of. I am just all around cheap. Because I am cheap we have been able to pay off all of our cars. We own 3 of them. I have been able to buy the jumbo washer and dryer. I am just cheap and I save all of my money.

Today my goal is to finish all the laundry and to get our bedroom scrubbed down. I also have a lot of stuff to put up in the rafters. ICK. I hate getting up there.

Dustin stopped by last night. He was bring me some stuff from another marine. The stuff was suppose to be for Ambers yard sale, but man one of the tables that he brought I think I am going to keep. It has a marble top on it! Shit I could sell just the marble and make a small fortune.

Dustin was laughing when he got here. It was only 9 p.m. and I told him to be quiet when he came in. Everyone was in bed already. He just so shocked that our house was that quiet. During the week we are really dull people.

The marine that was sick is not doing much better. She keeps going to b.a.s. but they won't let her see a doctor. I finally told her that they cannot refuse her that right. The marine does not want to cause waves, but I am about to cause some. Some of these Navy guys get on power trips and think that they control the marines.

Well nothing is getting done by me sitting here. So I better get moving. I still need to figure out what I am making for dinner.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

she did it!

I am so proud of Amber! She did it! Happy dance Happy dance! Amber looks so grown up in the picture.

Then there is the picture of me sitting in my dream tub. Every time I go to the home depot I sit in this tub. May some day I will get it.

Not to be out done, our dog Rascle loves to lay in the sun. However she is not a common animal. I don't think she even knows that she is a d-o-g! So she has to lay on a lawn chair.

I found out today that one of my dear friends is coming back from Iowa. Sonja so hates Iowa and is ready to give up her post and risk never being promoted again just so she can get out of Iowa. Anyway, Sonja will be in town for a week and I can't wait to see her. I told Sonja that I would bring the pink the Champaign and that we would go down and sit on the dock and just catch up.

Sonja is the mom of triplets. I so miss them. I asked her to bring them back with her so that I could see them. Sometimes having military friends sucks! The damn military moves everyone around and I always end up missing our friends.

I got my fine in the mail today. A few months ago I got a ticket and the officer had to stop writing because he ran out of room, well I now know how mush I owe. Drum roll please. The amount is $430! Now I just have to find the right time to tell Rusty.

I have been taking some skin, hair and nail vitamins and boy do they work! y finger nails are getting so long that some of them have actually started curling under! I can't tell if my hair is getting longer.

O.K. I should go get some dinner ready for Rusty. Tonight he is going to have steak, baked potatoes and a vegetable. I am going to have a salad.

I have been eating so bad for the last few weeks and I need to get back to my "good" eating habits. I am still not eating any junk food, but I have had fast foods instead of healthy food.

Monday, July 23, 2007

perfect day

Today was such a perfect day.

Amber helped me clean up the house. I have just about got all of the laundry done, and Rusty came home from work early. To top it off he even cooked dinner!

Amber and I were watching Oprah today we she started laughing. I looked over at her and asked why she was laughing so much. Amber said that while she was visiting her sperm donors mother she was asked if I still feed her raw vegi's. My ex's family thought I was a whack job because I would not feed my children any processed food. Amber just said " well I guess that is why I do not have a weight problem". I guess so.

I sat down today and did some sewing. I am still making blankets for the animals at the shelter. Once Rusty gets paid I need to go buy a ton a material. One of the marines has a birthday next month, and we are going to be going to 29 palm where another marine is. Then Ambers Sam has a birthday! I am going to try like hell to get all of them done. If you don't hear from for a few days please send in a rescue crew.

I think I am going to send my evening swing on the front porch. Or maybe I will just go lay in the hammock. Whatever I decide I know that I am going to chill for the rest of the night.

Tomorrow Amber has to go take her driving test. I so hope that she passes it. It would make my life so much easier. I will no longer have to drive her to work and then go pick her up. I did have to remind Amber that she will not be driving to school since we live three blocks from the school. I also had to remind her that the car is still ours until we give her the title.

I think I am going to take the kittens back on Monday. One of the kittens will have to stay for a few more weeks since she is not big enough yet. Rusty asked if we could go for a few weeks with out fostering any kittens. Rusty said "I just want a calm house with no one under foot" I laughed and asked him when the last time he had that was. After a long silence he said before he had children! I say we sell the children and keep the cats! Rusty did agree to that one.

Good night


I got slammed

 Over the weekend I got slammed by someone that reads my journal. Someone that has never met me and has only been reading my for a few weeks now.

This person did bring up some questions, and incase anyone else is wondering I will tell everyone a little more about myself.

I am married to Rusty. Rusty took me in when I showed up on his door step homeless with two children. I had just ran from an abusive man. Rusty opened the door for me. Rusty and I lived together for years before we got married.

I have survived being beaten, watching children being beaten, and watching my husband flat line twice. I have survived deployments, the news announcing that my husband was once again sent into war.

I have survived having a handicap son, who no one wants to play with and a school system that just want to push him a side.

I have survived watching our friends go off to war, and I have rejoiced when then came home.

I send my children on trips around the world, not to get them out of my house, but because they need to go. Children need to know that there is more to this world then the little town where they have grown up. Children need to learn the meaning on "seize the day". Opportunity only knocks once so they better take the opportunity while they can.

Why do I let my house be a crash pad for marines? That is an easy one. I provide these marines a safe place to come. A place where they can come and talk about the horrors of war and not be judged. A place where we can all sit down and eat as a family. A place where everyone is equal and is important.

What people do not see is me crying and driving like a mad women when a marine is sick. Or when a marine say's "mom lets go for a drive, I need to talk". Rusty and I try very hard to share our experiences with the marines in hopes that they will learn from them. We give advice even when they do not want to hear it. Such as you better get your finances in order or do you want help making a budget.

People do not see the marine that drove up here and sat down next to me a just started crying. It turns out that he was waiting on a red cross message to be sent because his grandmother just passed away.

Do not judge us until you really know us.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

love is a live

Today has been a long day, but a very good day.

Nikki got off to San Francisco o.k. and she was just so excited. I am excited for her. I am glad that Nikki is taking all the opportunities that life is giving her.

On a little sad note. One of our marines was very sick today. We could not get her to wake up. I had one marine grab her and put her in the car. Some of the other marines were in charge of opening all the doors and holding onto the dogs.

When we got to Navel Hospital everyone there thought that she was in a diabetic coma. This marine was so sick that not only could she not wake up, but her blood pressure went up 20 points when they made her stand up. Then they went to start and I.V. and her veins collapsed.

Once everything was said and done, she had a very bad case of dehydration. Once they finally got some fluids in she felt much better. She has the start of some lung problems so they put her on meds.

While I was on the road to the hospital I called Rusty and left him a message and told him what was going on. Rusty called me back a few minutes later and said " call me if anything happens. I will be there in a moments notice and give her a hug and a kiss for me."

Push came to shove today and everyone came together to work for the common good. All of the marines followed my orders and we got done what had to be done.

Push came to shove and Rusty was right there for me. We do not have a perfect marriage, but we are always there for each other.

Push came to shove today and I had to take charge of this marine. If she had been alone in her room all weekend Lord only knows what would have happened to her.

I am the luckiest women in the world. I have a house full of people who love each other and really care about each other.

The last few weeks have been stressful for Rusty and I. Yes, I know that my journal has not been that up beat. This is life and not everyday is a bed of roses. However I will take the thorns as long as I can smell the roses.

Friday, July 20, 2007



I once heard that pictures are of the happy times. Life is what happens between the pictures. Boy is that the truth!

One day I was sitting on the porch with Jolyn. Jolyn is Jakes mom. Anyway, Danny comes out of the house and goes and gets on the tractor. I looked over at Jolyn and said I want to ride on the tractor. I have never been on a tractor before. Jolyn just looked at me and said " you are kidding me right?" Then Jolyn realized that I was not kidding so I got to ride on a tractor for the first time in my life! I wanted to ride in the bucket, but Danny said no because I was not a guy! Now that is a double standard! LOL

Lessons I have learned from this trip.

1. If I say no I need to stick to my guns.

2. If I give in I must smile and do everything that everyone else wants, even if I have no desire to do it.

3. I am not allowed to have an opinion on anything unless it matches other peoples. If it does not match then I must keep my mouth shut.

Today is back to reality for me. I am just about out of laundry soap so I have to go to the store.

The chili is on and I am going to make some bread. That should feed the marines for the night.

I think I am going to squeeze in some time to go work on my tan. My tan is not looking that good this year. Yes I know I will skin cancer but everyone has to die of something.

I am glad to have all of the children home. I am telling you guys that they were not home for 20 minutes before they were all gone again. Nikki is leaving on Saturday to go up to San Francisco. Man I wish I was going on that trip. I want to walk the golden gate bridge, I want to see Alcatraz, and I so want to hug a redwood tree. Maybe another time I will be able to do that.

OH about the pictures. There are two of me on the tractor. One is of the sun flowers that have finally bloomed. The other yellow flowers are my stolen flowers, and then there is a picture of my first pumpkin!

The picture that was taken in Fallon is where the Navy has their real top gun school at! I was so hoping to see them training, but no luck there.

The girls brought back some pictures of my father and I. One was of me when I was about 3 days old and I was sleeping on my dads chest. For once I did not cry when I saw his picture. I actually felt numb. This August will be one year since my dad has passed away.

Amber said that everyone wants to come out for her graduation. I just sat the breakfast bar banging my head on it. I so do not want to have my "family" here. Lets face it you treat me like shit and tell me that I am worth nothing and now you want to come out here? All I could say was I hope they book a hotel room way in advance. Amber did say that she does not want my sister and her hell child out here. I do not blame her. This is Ambers day and hell child would just steal it from her.

So will some buy my a tractor? Rusty said that I could not have one. Jolyn and I laughed because she could just see me driving it to Starbucks! Hell yes I would.

On our ever so long trip home I started to braid my hair in those super tiny braids. I looked so funny, but when you are bored you will do anything to keep yourself entertained. So last night I had to take all of those braids out. One of the marines said mom that is going to take you forever. Rusty said well it took her 600 miles to put them in! So if you ever need to kill some time just do your hair.

I am going to turn my alerts back on! You guys cant get rid of me that easy.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I am back, but not reading

Well I got back from Oregon at 2:30 this morning. We left Oregon at 6 a.m. on Wed!

We went picked up all of the children and they have all run off to do their own thing.

This trip to Oregon has added a lot of stress to mine and Rusty's relationship.

I got home from picking up the children and looked around and noticed an odor. I just spent the last two hours trying to clean part of the house. Their was pet waste all over the floor. Wet cat prints on the table, dog waste stuck to the carpet.

I am tired and worn out both physically and mentally. I am going to bed, and I am going to try to stay there for the rest of the day.

Friday, July 13, 2007

I will be back

Well it turns out that I am going to Eastern Fr****** Oregon in the morning. I am not happy or excited about this trip, however I am going to try to put on happy face. I am doing this for Rusty, and for no other reason.

I have turned off all of my alerts. I will chat with everyone when I get back or if I can get to a computer.


Thursday, July 12, 2007

beach day

I got up this morning and walked around the house. Yep. I still needed to clean the kitchen and do yet more laundry. Yep. It is still here.

So what did I do? I called a friend and we went to the beach! I had such a blast just walking on the beach and chatting with my girl friend. I must say that my tan in looking good!

I got home and guess what? The dishes were still waiting for me.... so was the laundry, but it can wait until tomorrow. Spending time with my friend is more important to me.

When I got home I also found out that one of the kittens had clawed a hole in a screen and was gone. I spent a few hours looking for the kitten. A couple down the street finally asked what I was looking for and and they had found the kitten. I was so happy to see the kitten.

Rusty went out to play golf with a friend and he said that he did so good. After all only a good golfer could hit a moving car!

That was my day. Now I am going to go to bed and spend some time with Rusty.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

its over

Rusty and I got up this morning and we made out a list of things that we wanted to get done. Sadly having Mrs Cleo put down was on that list.

I know it was the right thing to do. However that does not mean that I will not miss her. I just stood there and cried. Rusty just hugged me and then took me out to lunch.

Now I am home. The other cats are looking for Mrs. Cleo, I know that they will be fine.

Today we cleaned out Ryan room. It still amazes me how this child can break so many toys and the strange thing is.... he does not even play with 90% of his stuff. So the stuff that was broke got pitched and the rest was put in the garage so that we can put it out in the next yard sale.

Then we moved on to cleaning out the fridge. We are gross people! We took everything out of the fridge and then pulled all of the shelves. Note to self: clean the fridge out more often.

I have nothing planned for the rest of the day. After it cools down Rusty and I have to run out and pick a few things up, but I think we are going to spend the rest of the day hanging out in bed and watching t.v.

I was just getting ready to save this entry when I got attacked by some kittens. They just brought me out of my funk. The kittens still need me, so I need to go take care of them.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

field trip

Today Rusty and I went up to the Reagan National library. The library is only about two hours from the house, but I so bugged Rusty for those two hours.

First we passed this NASA place and I asked if we could take a detour and go there. Rusty told me no because they do not allow people to just walk in there. SO I suggested that we just stop by and get a picture of it. I got a dirty look. So I said " well you have been threatening to send me to the moon for years, so here is your chance." Rusty said " Don't tempt me!"

We did not stop. We finally get to the library and it was really cool. This was the first time I have ever been to a presidential library.

One of the above pictures is of a quilt that some children made right after Reagan died.

Kevin called me and said " Hey mom what are you doing?" I said " I am getting ready to tour air force one". i could just hear Kevin's jaw hit the ground. "He just said that he did not want to know."! Why is it that they boys never ask anymore?

There is a picture of me standing by an actual piece of the Berlin wall. We are not suppose to be that close to it, but I told Rusty that I wanted a picture with it. "So Rusty said well give me the camera, you are going to jump the bushes anyway, so I might as well get a picture of it".  Rusty is learning to just go with my crazy ideas.

So tomorrow is cleaning day. Rusty said that he would help if we could clean in the nude. So tomorrow is nude cleaning day for us! Don't worry I will not post pictures of that.

Good night everyone.

Monday, July 9, 2007

yes it is monday

I do not know what time I rolled out of bed this morning, but I am in the upright position. I guess that says something.

Last night Rusty and I went out to dinner. Just the two of us. We covered a lot of topics that have seem to have been left a lone.

One of them was the trip to Oregon. Rusty wanted us to go up there and spend a few days. I told Rusty that I had no desire to go. So last night we talked a little bit more about it. Not only do I not want to go, but who is going to be here to care for the animals? I guess that was just over looked in the planning.

Then we talked about money. Always a touchy subject. We are doing o.k., but I want more. Does that sound bad? So we are looking for something different. Something under the table. If I go to work then that will boost us into a higher tax bracket. Oh the joys of my life.

One of the other things that we talked about was having one of our cats put down. Mrs. Cleo is older then dirt and she is not doing well. It is the right thing to do, but it is also a hard thing to do.

Today I do not feel like doing anything. I have cleaned up the kitchen but that is about it. I think I am going to go sew.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

teaching the marines

A few weeks ago I was just so sick of seeing the marines hanging around the house.

I started thinking about a conversation that I had with my dad. I once asked my dad what Germany was like and what he did while he was stationed was over there. My dad told me stories of hitch hiking across Germany and of all the castles that he had seen. My dad had some great stories.

The marines at our house had not seen much of California. Now don't get me wrong, California is not as exciting as Germany. But I wondered what they say if there children or grand children ever asked them about California. They have only seen base and our house. That is when I came up with this field trip.

Saturday we went down to Point Loma, Coronado Island, and then down to old town San Diego.

Point Loma has two light houses and and an awesome view of San Diego harbor. Then if you drive down the road a little bit you come to the cliffs.

The cliffs are great. A bunch of us hiked down there and we had a blast watching the waves come in and let me tell you our cameras did not stop! I got soaked by a huge wave, but it was so worth it. None of us could stop laughing and smiling. One of the girls even said "this is what California looks like in the movies".

next we all headed to old town San Diego for some lunch/dinner. It was so nice to see everyone sitting around laughing and just enjoying themselves. I leaned over to Rusty and said " you know most of these guys work together and yet they are sitting here having a good time. I wonder if this what the command is trying to accomplish by making them have a "mandatory fun day". Rusty just smiled. He said " I am so glad that everyone is having a blast"

We did however have to pick on Dustin. He is from a small town and grew up eating meat and potatoes. There is nothing wrong with that, but we all went out for Mexican and he got a hamburger! So now we call him burger boy.

Our next stop was Coronado Island. We had a hard time finding parking but we did have a nice walk on the beach. A group on us went down to the water. that was when we noticed that there were several wedding going on. So I told George that if she asked one of the brides if we could crash her wedding that I would give her a dollar. She went up to every bride and asked them! Talk about wedding crashers!

Then we kept walking to the Hotel del Coronado. Along the way we noticed that the signs on the beach said no nudity. So George got up on another marines shoulders and changed the signs to say "mo nudity". Once we got to the Hotel del Coronado we decided to give our self a grand tour. The sign that said only registered guest on beyond this point did not apply to us. That hotel was so much fun to walk around! In one of the pictures you can see how low the ceilings are.

This weekend I thought the marines how to go out and have a good time and how to not spend a lot of money doing it! Now they will all have stories to tell their children and grand children.

I have some how hurt my back again. Maybe it was yesterday or maybe it was this morning. I do not know, but man it hurts. I am going to take some pain pills and go to bed.


Friday, July 6, 2007

yes it is friday

We have house guest from hell boat so we have been using it. If was kinda fun to get out the water last night.

I grew up on lakes, so tubing, and water skiing was a normal event for me. I have not done it much in the past few years, but last night was fun.

Today everyone packed up and is out on the lake right now. I do not mind that everyone is gone. I must admit that it is nice to have the house to myself.

However I am ticked off that everyone left and that nothing has gotten cleaned up. I guess I am suppose to do that?

The children called me yesterday to tell me that Nikki is doing good on her medicine. I am happy to hear that. The also called to tell that on the back from the airport they stopped and picked up hell child. Just so everyone has a clear picture..... My mom did not even spend 24 hours with my children before she went out got hell child. That does piss me off. I do not know why it does. It does not surprise me. I should be use to my children being treated as second class citizens.

Rusty and I are having a very stressful time in our relationship right now. There is a lot going on, but nothing I can put my finger on. I am just sick of the stress.

My girlfriend Lisa stopped by this morning and told me that she was going to buy dinner for everyone. I just laughed and said " you can't afford to feed all of us". Then Lisa got a phone call that her grandfather had fallen into a coma. They were going to have hospice come in, but now.... Well before she left to go be with her grandfather she gave $100 and told me to go buy everything that I would need to feed the marines. Lisa is such a nice person.

Well I should go clean something.


Thursday, July 5, 2007

can I hate July 4th?

Yesterday was not a good day. We went to launch our friends boat and the battery was dead, no big deal. We all just hung out at the lake and floated around.

We all decided to go down to the vfw because they were serving burgers and dogs. Then when I told Rusty that I was ready to leave he just gave me a look that let me knew that he was not. I had to much shit to do and I could not be waiting on him, so I just took Jake's truck and came home.

Rusty shows up right before we were ready to leave for fireworks. He had way to much to drink.

So, Ryan, Rusty, Jake and I went to watch fire works. That is when Jake and Rusty started jumping and twitching. It was just so much fun to watch these guys cover their heads and shake. We will not be watching fire works next year. PTSD sucks.

When Rusty had his heart attack they told me everything that I would need to do to take care of him. They never told me how to care for myself. What I mean by that is they never told me how to handle his depression and other things like that.

Now I am looking PTSD in the face and once again I am looking the unknown in the face. How am I suppose to handle this? Once again I feel like I am on my own.

I often wonder if people look at Rusty and can see his demons. Or can you only see them when you are close to him.

I guess this is what you get for serving your country?

So I will just keep doing what I am doing and hope that it is enough. I guess that is all I can do.

Today my goal is to clean something in this house. I am about to scream because this house is trashed. Oh wait it is o.k. if my house is trashed. These are the good old days. One day when my children are grown and out of the house I might find the time to care. Until then I am going to just go on and enjoy my life.



Tuesday, July 3, 2007

20 people and no dishwasher

Yes everyone that is my kitchen right now. I have a feeling it is going to be a nice weekend.

On to the pictures above. There is one of Hailey with her quilt. The black kitten is the one that Rusty said I could keep. The big cat is our original cat. Yes he is a big boy.

So I found out earlier today that my dishwasher gave up. What? It cannot give up, I have 20 people in my house for the weekend. I suggested that we pull it out and try to fix it. Rusty suggested that we just go buy another one. I am cheap I will keep looking, there is no way I am going to pay a lot for a new dish washer.

Today I had to go get Ryan an i.d. card. The last time I went to base and got Ryan an i.d. card they let me sign his name to it. This time they told me that I could not do it. So I asked the guy if Ryan could put and x on the signature line. They told me no. So where the signature is suppose to be they put Incapable! What is that about?

So tonight I am going to do nothing. I am going to just hang out with everyone.

Rusty wants to take the boat out tomorrow. I am thinking that would be a bad idea. The lake is going to be packed and unless we get there by 6:30 there is no way we are going to be able to launch the boat.

Oh I should say that the boat is not ours. It belongs to house guest from hell. He is not here, but we have his boat. Rusty and I briefly talked about our "vacation". He had nothing to say when I told him that I did not want to go.

I must admit that the last few weeks Rusty has just made me feel like shit. I know that he does not mean to do it, but he has. Why will he drive all the way to Oregon for a friend, but can't take me on a real vacation? Why is it that he went to the bar with Jake when he has not spent anytime with me this week. Why am I the one being left behind while he is out having a good time. This just sucks.

My former mother in law called me today and asked me if I had changed my mind about letting the girls see her. It seems that my mom called and asked my former mother in law to drive out there and spend time with the children while they are at a museum. I told my former mother in law that I had nothing to do with that. It does not surprise me that my mom would say one thing and then change her mind at the last minute.

I am so sick of not being able to trust my mother to keep her word. I am just glad  that this will be the last year that the children will be going out there. From now on if she wants to see the children she will have to come out here.

Tomorrow I am going to finish up the last minute laundry and finish getting the children packed up. Then I plan on spending a lot of time at the beach and maybe have a silent day.

Last year when everyone was on my last nerve I grabbed my lawn chair, a notebook, and some money and headed over the mountain to a place called San Juan capistrono. It is a nice little place with some cute shops. I had a blast just walking around and looking at everything. I ate lunch at a little cafe and then I went and sat on the beach. I took my notebook with me so that I could just right random thoughts down as they came to me. I turned off my cell phone and spoke to no one. It was such a nice day. I think I need that again.

On that note I am going to go drink a milk shake.

Monday, July 2, 2007

I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who gave me this award.

I must say that we are all rockin! I am so glad that there are so many of us that have the courage to share all the details of our lives.

Through my journal I have been able to reduce my stress level and I have found out that there are other people in this world that have the same issues that we do.

O.K. here are my picks.

Louise lives in the UK with her hubby and children. Louise may think that her life is dull, but I do not. Louise is also the one who offered to meet Amber when she goes to London. Please stop by and say hello to her,  http://journals.aol.co.uk/louiseb411/life-as-it-is/

Heather has a private journal, so I will not post her link. Heather is doing a very good job of navigating life as a single mom who is about to be married. Like me Heather has a son with some of the issues that I have with Ryan. I can so relate on that issue.

I believe that everyone other girls has been chosen. So now I can say that everyone I know has gotten the award!

Tonight I am going to chill and go watch some t.v.

Tomorrow I have to go get Ryan a new i.d. card and go to the commissary. So I will have a very busy afternoon.

other things

On Saturday I called my mom to tell her that Nikki had gotten really sick from her pills, and that I was going to send out her anti vomiting medicine. Side note: all of the children leave on Wed to go to Chicago.

My mom sounded distracted on the phone so I asked her what was going on. She said " I am trying to get the house ready for your sisters wedding".

Rusty and I went to Nikki's prescription filled. While that was being done Rusty and I went to get some breakfast. I had told rusty what my mom had said. I said " Well my mom must be happy to be able to get her chosen child ready for her second wedding. It must be nice, I wonder what it is like to have wedding, have your dad walk you down aisle and ..." Rusty said " Please put your claws away before you scratch me."


When someone was going to the store I had them pick up some papaya and mango. One of the marines said that he had never even seen those fruits, much less ate them. I guess they don't grow well in Ind. So, I made him sit down and I cut the fruit up. Dustin said that the mango was like nothing he had ever tasted before, and he did notlike the papaya. That's o.k. I just wanted him to try it.

Everyone that comes into this house is from some place different. Most of them think we are crazy, but we are not, we just have a different normal.

Today i m going to try to get some stuff done around here because everyone will be here tomorrow and they will be staying all weekend!

Sunday, July 1, 2007


 Thursday nikki took her Malaria pill. They have to take them just incase. Nikki did not feel good Thursday, but the pills always make her feel bad.

Friday Nikki went to a pool party and she called me and said "mom I need to go to the hospital". That is so not like Nikki.

Earlier in the week my girlfriend had borrowed my car, so I did not have a car. I got my stuff together. Amber was out with Sam, so I called her and told her to come, so that she could stay with Ryan. I was headed out the door to borrow another neighbors car, when Chris walked in and asked me what was going on. I told him and he threw me the keys to his car.

I get to the hospital and the e.r. is packed. They did a complete lab and urine test on her. Nothing came up. No malaria, no nothing. They did however give us some stuff to stop her from vomiting.

Saturday even with the medicine she was still vomiting. Now we are going 48 hours of being able to hold nothing down.

Nikki was so sick. Nikki even slept with Rusty and I.... that is when she finally got some sleep.

I told Rusty that if she was not holding stuff down by Sunday morning that I was taking her back to the hospital and having them drop a line in her.

Around 2 a.m. Nikki sat up in bed and said " mom I feel great!" Nikki did sleep a lot today, but she is holding down fluids and a little bit of food.

Rusty and I have decided not to give her the rest of her Malaria pills. The doctor at the E.R. said that she did not have malaria and that it was most likely the pills making her sick.

I have not gotten much sleep over the last few days, so tonight I am looking forward to a nice long bath and some sleep. I am going to sleep until I can't sleep anymore.

On a good note, Kevin knew I was having a bad weekend so we went and bought the frame for my hammock! Yes, I an finally use my hammock. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

Sorry for not commenting this weekend. I have just been so busy and worn out!