My ex husband did some really bad shit to the girls and I. We were beaten, left homeless, and hungry. My ex took my spirit and trampled all over it.
Years ago Rusty told me that he would take care of me. Rusty told my dad that he would never hurt me.
Earlier this summer we saw Big and Rich in concert. When they sang the song holy water I just cried and held my hands in the air. I have been in that ladies shoes before. Rusty came and put his arms around me and told me that he had me and that he would be my holy water.
Today my world has come crashing down around me. I am not ready to fully talk about it.
I have tried to move on today and do all the things that need to be done. I have been doing laundry, pulled something out for dinner, went to wal mart, and even got Nikki's quilt cut out. I even hit my knee's and cried out to God.
All I want to do is cry. What I should be doing is kicking myself. I let my guard down and I got hurt. I let someone else make the decisions and I trusted them. I never checked or made the decisions myself. I totally blame myself.
How could I have been so stupid as to let this happen to me. I was and still am an idiot. I TAKE FULL BLAME for my world being shattered today.
I still have several hours before I can go to bed. I have to paste on a smile, and continue with my day. Tonight I am going to take a sleeping pill and maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Trust me when I say tomorrow can be worse, but I am going to hope for the energy to get through the next few days.