Thursday, July 31, 2008

I don't want to.....

Last night was very trying for me.

I had to send Ryan back to the shower twice because he forgot to wash his feet. Now when you wear sandals all day the dirt line is very noticeably! Finally, after Ryan got out of the shower, I had to wash his feet myself.

That was when I discovered that he has very bad athletes feet. Great now on top of still having to wash this child at the age of 13, I now have to put cream on his feet every night.

Will this ever end? Will Ryan ever be able to do things on his own?

I want to go to the lake or the beach, but the last time I took Ryan to the lake he sat on his towel pouting because he wanted to go home.

I don't want to deal that.

I want to take a few hours to myself and get away, but I can't. The girls are gone doing their thing and Rusty is at work.

So here I sit today. One of laundry is started. The kittens are fed and their bedding is changed. The living room is cleaned up and the dish washer is unloaded.

So now what? Yet another day stuck in the house.

I did get the closet cleaned for the most part. I decided to only unpack and organize my stuff. That really did not take that long, because I just decided to get rid of a lot of stuff. I just stacked Rusty's stuff on the other side of the closet.

I do think that I am going to go get some space bags. I have a few suits and all of my dad shirts that I am just going to shrink down and then I can deal with all of it later.

I just had an epiphany. The reason that I am the crazy cat lady, and the reason I prefer to be around my animals is because that is what I have been forced into.

Rusty has a job and other things that he is involved in. The girls have school, friends, sports, and whatever else.

So who does that leave to take care of the house and Ryan? Who does that leave stuck at home all day everyday?

Me.

I have just as intelligent conversations with my animals as I do with Ryan. At least the animals love me back.

I need to end this entry. I can feel myself spinning downward. I need to go find something to do.

11 comments:

glensfork4 said...

Having the funk......sucks.


And you are definately NOT the crazy cat lady LOL


Michele

nelishianatl said...

I always wanted to be the crazy cat lady when I grew up.  I only have two so that doesn't make me the cat lady but it sure does make me crazy.  I wish your family valued and respected and appreciated you more.  I want you to be able to get out by yourself.  It would be awesome if you could have a babysitter for even a few hours.  

If only I was close, I'd sure give it a try just to give you a break.  GA is a bit far.

Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/Prayingandbelieving/

momiscool2 said...

I'm a crazy cat lady too lol.

Love,

Michelle

lv2trnscrb said...

(((Kelli))))

this was my Monday; did they put something in the water supply out here that it is affecting us emotionally???

realistically, I don't know if Ryan will ever be able to do those things himself without cuing and help from you or some other person; my daughter, at 22, can't be on her own and when they think she can, its a disaster (because they won't listen to me saying it won't work)

so.........you do what you can..........respite care? or a good glass of wine always works, but wait, I'm not drinking until next January; dang.........

you are a wonderful person and you are not a crazy cat lady........................

betty

lurkynat said...

oh dear Kelli!
I am sorry you are feeling burnout...:(
I'm so sorry about Ryan's showers and then he has athlete's foot?
:(
I am really sad...
will you get to get away for a day trip with girlfriends or with Rusty this month or in the Fall?
It would be so worth it!
love and hugs and hang in there Super woman!
natalie

lurkynat said...

Dear Kelli
Many thanks for your thoughtful and loving comment about Mr. Savage.
I think that you and Bea have certainly cleared the air about autism!
Any luck with finding out about the new teacher?
what's your weather like?
love,natalie

plieck30 said...

Awww Kelli wish I lived near you I would give you an afternoon off once in a while. Hope you feel better tomorrow. Paula

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))I hope you get a break soon.

buggieboo1 said...

Your Ryan is like my Brent , 13 in 21 days.... I know how you feel! It's just a phase, this too shall pass! I keep telling myslef this!!!
Brent has finally started to take a shower every day without being told!!! It's a start!

Sharon

lisa41076 said...

Nothing wrong with being the crazy cat lady, Sending Hugs your way, Love Lisa

gehi6 said...

I used to have to keep track of my son Dan's feet when he was playing basketball which is so hard on the feet, for fear he got an infected blister or something.  Some kids do not keep track of themselves properly especially when younger.  I think you are doing a good job even though it is tedious of keeping track of so many things your active kids have to do.  I used to think when I was young and seeing the problems of looking after our little uncle Bill that I could never work with the handicapped.  I also used to be asked by the teacher to help a slow kid in school practice his reading, but when my youngest sister had a nervous breakdown, I realized that some of the problem seemed to be an inherited inability to process reality similar to my mother's and to little Bill's, only Bill's retardation was much more severe.  I ended up working with my sister a life time, dealing with her frustrations and temper fits.  There was nobody else to do it, so for years I would make myself available to her so she could vent, as she would drive friends away with her temper fits, fight with husbands, alienate her kids, etc. I realized that I would work with her rather than have her end up on the skids because of her difficulties, less able to cope. In this sense I felt that I was my brother's keeper or rather my sister's.  I would be so frustrated when she would blow up and abuse me.  My family, however, became part of hers and right now my youngest son has moved in with her for a while until he can get on his feet again with a new job. Without this constant intervention in her younger years I know she would not be nearly so stable as she is today.  I also did it for her kids.  So you can always talk to me about your problems with Ryan and I will be very interested.  Gerry