I should probably not speak to soon, but I am hoping that I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

Yesterday Rusty and I went to look at a house and from the outside it is perfect. So today I went and toured the inside. I was so blown away! I want this house.

I went to the property management place today and filled out all of their paper work. Tomorrow morning I have to call them back.

The gentlemen that helped me is a retired marine. The owner of the house has lowered the rent by $100 and is willing to give January to us for 1/2 price. I am just so excited!

Will everyone please say a prayer that we get this house. I so do not want to live in a motor home or an apartment. I just want a fresh start. Please everyone send up a prayer for us.

Amber left for Costa Rica this morning, and she was just excited beyond belief. I must say that I am excited for her. I hope that she has a nice trip and that this trip will be something that she will remember for the rest of her life.

Last night George and I had to go down to San Diego's airport to pick up a friend. I thought that his plane would never land! He was delayed because they had to deice! I forgot what it is like to live in the mid west. LOL

We got home around 2:30 this morning, so I only got a few hour's of sleep before I had to hit the ground running to get my day started. I am so worn out. I just need to stay awake until about 7 or 8. If I go to bed now then I will be up at 2 a.m.

Rusty has to work this weekend. He is so not happy because the year end inventory has to be done. To top all of that someone broke into their store last weekend and some fire arms were stolen. So the ATF has been hanging around doing their thing all week.

I just thought of something. You know those gun laws that they are always trying to pass. Why? Honest people like me buy our gun's and fill out the forms. The gang bangers are the one stealing the weapons. So tell me again how the new gun law works?

Oh I am way to tired to be thinking this deep.

Please pray for us.

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Christmas was good

Well aohell will not let me edit the pictures! I swear sometimes I hate aol.

Christmas was so nice. I was so happy to have everyone here. I know everyone had a good day.

Now what would Christmas be without a little drama. Two of the marines did have words and one walked out before eating Christmas dinner. Some how I just could not be bothered to get involved. I was just going to concentrate on the people that were there.

I had an awesome day. I got a lot of the things that I had been wanting. Two of the marines actually searched antique stores for a tea cup and saucer for me. I was so thrilled.

Now it is back to reality. Rusty and I have decided not to say anything until after we go back to court.

However I am making plans. We will have to find a place to live for a few weeks until the house we want to rent comes available.

So I will need to go find a storage unit, and rent a u haul. I know someone that has a motor home, so I am going to ask them if we can rent it for a few weeks. There is a camp ground right across from the high school, so that will be easy for the girls. I will just have to drive Ryan to school.

In the back of my mind I just can't believe this is happening to us. Even after we leave this money pit, we are still going to be paying for it for several more years. All I can say is, we hit a learning curve and we are going to make the best out of it.

I guess I could choose to sit here and pout and lay blame, but that will get me no where. Instead I choose to move on and be the soft place for my husband land. I choose to be here for my children and for my husband. I choose to make the best out of a bad situation.

Amber is feeling a little bit better. I have started feeding her protein shakes and that is helping to give her some energy. I am going to take Amber to the doctor to tomorrow just to make sure that everything is o.k. before she gets up in the air and her ear drums burst.

Well, I am sure there is something that I need to be doing, so I better get to doing it.

 

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Christmas eve in the e.r.

I got woke up this morning at o dark 30, because Amber was sick. So it was to the ER Oh the joys of spending Christmas eve in the hospital.

It turns out that the doc is not sure if her infection is viral or bacterial. Amber is also dehydrated.He was going to wait for some cultures to come back. Then I mentioned that Amber will be leaving for Costa Rica on friday. So they gave her two shots and sent her home with some pain meds.

Right now Amber is sleeping in Rusty's bed. She even had to curl up with his blanket.

So here on sit on Christmas eve with a sick child sleeping in our bed. Back in the summer we had a 15 year old sleeping with us. I guess it is only fair that we now have a 17 year old sleeping with us.

Even with all my bitching, I know that we are going to have a great Christmas.

I know that we are going to have a great Christmas because right now our fellow Americans are fighting for our freedom.

Right now while we are preparing for Christmas their are service men and women wondering what their family back home is doing.

Right now their is a new dad who will miss his child's first Christmas.

Right now the middle east is under siege. Right now the cradle of civilization is in turmoil.

How sad to think that some countries know nothing but war.

Here are some video's of our troops. Please remember them this Christmas.

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yesterday was Rusty's birthday

Yesterday was Rusty's birthday. My baby turned 40. We kept it very low key. Rusty does not like "parties". So I made him some root beer glass candy. I had not made candy in a few year's and Rusty had been asking for it, so that is what he got for his birthday.

Rusty's mom and dad once told me the story behind Rusty. Rusty's mom and dad were both marines and they met in the chow hall at nas Memphis, fell in love and got married.

However they could not get stationed together. So Rusty's mom decided to get pregnant. Back then if a women got pregnant then they got out of the service. So, Rusty was their ticket to be together.

That dark cloud that has been hovering around us has moved. The other day I was so sick and worried, but now I am not.

We have lost our house.

When Rusty had his heart attack we blew through all of our savings and things just went down hill. We both made some bad decisions, so here we are.

The other day I wanted to hold on to this house, but now I don't. After a lot of soul searching I decided that this house is not worth fighting for.

The important thing is that we are all together, and that we are moving on. Rent is so much cheaper here, so that is what we are going to do.

We will rent a place for the next three years and then we are hoping to move out of state.

Rusty said that he would not move the girls out of state as long as they were in high school, so we are stuck here for another three years.

I am at peace with this decision.

We will tell the children that we are moving after Christmas.

Amber will be in Costa Rica while we move so she will be coming home to new place to live. No, for anyone reading this, we did not pay for that trip and that is not why we lost the house.

Today I am going to go talk to a friend that works for a property management company and see what she has. I do have a few other places to call as well.

I had so many journal alerts that I had to delete them, so I will be starting fresh today.

I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I am going to go get busy.

 

 

 

 

 

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trying

I am trying to get through this day.

I am trying not to think that I ripped the knee out of a pair of jeans. I only own three pairs, so now I am down to two pairs that I can wear out in public.

I am trying to not think about the fact that I have 1/4 tank of gas and I still need to go deliver Christmas to several people.

I am trying not to think about a dark cloud that has been hanging over us.

I am trying to not think of the fact that I have just enough money to buy Christmas dinner, but there will be no extra's.

I am trying to stay positive. I should be proud of myself for saving a little bit through the year and that is what bought Christmas. I should be proud of myself for being able to take what I do have and give to others so that they can have a Christmas. I should be proud of the fact that I know when half price day at the goodwill is. I should be proud of the fact that I am still standing.

Today I must move on. It does not matter what is going on, I have people counting on me. I must do it for other people. Sorry for commenting that much. I have just been busy.

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awake

I was just falling asleep when a friend called. I am not complaining, but now I am awake.

I actually got a lot done today. I got half of the house cleaned up, did some laundry, and a lot of sewing. I do not know what got into me, but I just started sewing pet quilts.

I spoke with Nikki's mentor today. I asked her if she knew of anyone in the church that could use a food basket, and she told me about a lady. I do not know this lady very well, but Nikkis does.

So on Wednesday Nikki and two of her friends are going to help pack food baskets. If some people do not show up then I will get what is left and I can pass them out. So I wanted to have someone in the wings just in case.

Something spoke to me. I went and got out what is left of my Christmas material, and I am going to make her a scrap Christmas quilt. I also have a few scarf's so I will give her one. Then I am going to stuff a stocking for her. I can't wait to bring Christmas to someone else.

I got an early Christmas gift today. I got an e mail from one of our friends. He is coming home from Iraq! that is all I can say about that.

Tomorrow I am going to finish up my sewing and do some more cleaning. I have nothing exciting planned at all. Maybe I will get lucky and I will be able to squeeze in a nap.

 

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still sick

I have this nasty cough and my head is still congested. It seems to be going around. I have talked to a few people that have the same thing and they say that this thing hangs on for weeks. i was also told that it is a virus, so don't bother going to the doctor for it. So here I sit. Coughing and trying not to pee my pants at the same time.

This weekend was very uneventful and I am very thankful for that. I don't thin I could handle much activity.

Last night we got to see old friend. Our friends Sam and Lisa are foster parents and they always have different children in and out of their home.

Last night one of the boys arrived home for the Christmas holiday's. I am just so proud of him. Brandon ( the foster child) could have easily gone down a different path.

Brandon grew up in foster care. He saw his mom only from time to time. Their is no name on his birth certificate, so there is father to speak of.

Brandon is now letting the system help him. Brandon got a scholarship to North Dakota state, and the system is paying for his books, room and food. Brandon want to  become a teacher and eventually move back to the socal.

I am just so damn proud of him.

I was going to go up to the commissary today, but I forgot to get the card from Rusty. I guess I will go tomorrow. Besides one more day of staying in the house will do me good.

Amber is 17 and ready to drive me up a wall. I do not know what I am going to do next year when I have three teenagers in the house!

Anyway, Amber seems to be having money issues. Meaning she does not have enough money to support all that she needs to be doing.

So today I am going to give Amber a lesson in reality. The gas gauge in my car is leaning on e. So I am going to go to some local bars and pull their cans and bottles out of the trash. The I am going to go take them to the recycling center, and then go fill up the tank.

I can afford to put gas in the car, but I am hoping to show Amber that you have to do what the situation calls for. In Ambers case it calls for her taking recycling down and getting the cash so that she can pay her bills.

If this fail's and Amber does not go and pick up their recycling, well I just might keep dong it. I am not that proud and with the price of gas going up everyday I am so not worried about what people think of me.

Well I should get my ass in gear and get something done today. I Have a lot to do ,but I have no energy. All of the children are off school for three weeks, so I know that this is going to be very long Christmas break.

 

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Does someone else want to be me?

I just don't feel good. My eyes are waters, my chest hurts, I started my cycle.....which I only get twice a year. I am not having any more children the doctors should just take everything out. I feel like crap!

My children are so wonderful. I have thought them well. Last night the went and stole me a pink flamingo. I had to hang him on my wall! LOL I was kinda shocked that the flamingo was metal. For some reason I thought that they were all plastic. Oh well.

I got Nikki's phone in the mail yesterday. It is so nice. Today I need to call and have the Internet and texting blocked. i know that Nikki will have fun with the fun and I don't want her to get carried away and then not be able to pay her bill.

Rusty mailed my moms gift mailed. It was not until last night that I realized that I forgot to put the direction back in the box. So now I will have to mail that off and tell her not to open the envelope until after she opens her gift. I can be such a scattered brain sometimes.

How clod does it have to be for ice to form? I think it is 32 degrees. Well that is how cold it got last night! Brrr I want my 120 degrees and I want to be sitting on the beach right now. This sucks!

I am looking forward to seeing Rusty tonight. All week long Rusty has been working late or has been off having dinner with the big bosses. I am so ready to just sit in bed and chill out with him. Rusty is always warm. Maybe I will snuggle up with him and steal all of his body heat.

Well I need to get moving and I need to find something productive to do. My daily routine is calling me.

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lets pray

Oh Lord help me not to kill my teenagers. I do however hope that one day they have children just like them.

Please help me not to smack the marines for making stupid mistakes. While their parents would probably cheer me on for smacking them I need to remember that they are "adults". Yea right whatever!

I thought I was done running around. Then Ryan came in and gave me a note saying that he could bring something for the Christmas party tomorrow. So today it was back to the store. Do you have any idea how hard it is to buy for one autistic child? Then I had to buy for 10 of them!

I did manage to get the kitchen cleaned up today. It so needed a good scrub down. I even went through the cabinets and cleaned them out. I am so amazed how much shit we have. Tomorrow I am going to attempt to clean out our hall closet.

Tomorrow I am also going to go by a friends house. We will put the kettle on and talk about sewing. I have not gotten any sewing done as of late, but I can still talk about it right?

I have been calling the parents of the marines that are going to be here for Christmas. I asked them to please send the gifts here, so that way they will have gifts under the tree. Well today a box arrived for our marines that are twins. I have no idea what they got, but whatever it is they got the same thing! LOL I had to laugh. I know they will be surprised on Christmas morning.

Tonight is soup and sandwich night. I am cold and tired. I do not want to cook, so I figure soup and sandwiches are easy.

I have been knitting a lot the past week and now my fingers are killing me. I guess they are not as nimble as they use to be. Oh well, I am going to go curl up with the t.v. and do some knitting.

If my fingers fall off will I still have to cook and clean?

 

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we have pictures!

This is so how I feel today!

I finally got the pictures load. I chatted with my mom yesterday and she agrees that Nikki looks just like my grandmother. I asked my mom to scan in a picture of my grandmother and send it to me so that way I can put the pictures side by side.

I swear that having two teenagers in the house is going to drive me up the wall. All the girls did yesterday was fight. Maybe I should duck tape them together again. Do you guys remember when I did that last summer? That was actually to funny.

One of the marines called me yesterday and she had gotten into some trouble. I did not know what to say. I just listened to her and then said well I will be here if you need anything. The she called back, and I told her that she was wrong and that she does deserve to get punished because she knows the rules and she broke them. I know that sounds cold and heartless, but if you know the rules and you break them then you deserve to be punished.

I have officially finished all of my Christmas shopping. Ryan was the last on I had to buy for. I got him a basketball, so new sleep pants, the new Hannah Montana cd, and some gi joe guns. Then there was the stuff I bought earlier for him.

I also ordered Nikki a new cell phone yesterday! Rusty was worried about the price, so I found one for free! AT&T has a ton of free phones if you get a two year contract. Well I was going to have to get a contract anyway, so why not get the phone for free. That is Nikki's Santa gift.

Today I need to work on my mom's gift so that way I can get it in the mail. I bought her one of those digital photo frames. So I am going to load a bunch of pictures and send it to her. I found out that my mom has her bills and auto pay, so I can't really pay her electric bill without messing that up.

Anyway my day is calling me and I have a lot to do.

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I wanna work with the marines!

CJ stopped by last night and he was telling me that on Thursday he is going to be working for the base chaplain. He is going to be sorting toys! I told CJ that I want to go do that! I think it would be fun, not to mentioned that I have not worked with the marines in a while.

Today is errand day. I have a list of things I need to get done and a list of things to buy. I only need to get Ryan a few more things and then I am done Christmas shopping.

I would love to tell you guys what I got Rusty, but I can't because he sometimes read my journal. I will say that every year I only get Rusty one thing. That one thing must be something that he would not buy for himself, and it must shock him that I would think to do it for him.

Nikki was in the Christmas program at church. I am so proud of her! Nikki did such an awesome job, and she worked so hard. The play was s et in the 1940's and when I saw Nikki all dressed up I thought of my grandmother. Nikki looked just like my grandmother.

I can remember spending hours looking at old pictures and think about how classy the women looked. Then when I saw Nikki I was just so shocked.

My grandmother died 2 day's before Nikki's first birthday. My grandmother never held Nikki, or rocked her or even saw her. But the other night I could see my grandmother standing right there in front of me.

This year I exchanged cards with a lady in the U.K. We had a race on to see who's card would get their quicker. My card got to her first. The U.K. must have a super fast postal service!

I have been talking with Rusty about getting Nikki a phone as a santa gift. Rusty has been holding out because he is not super sure that Nikki will pay the bill, and because the phones are expensive. Well yesterday I found a phone that is $49.99 and it has a $30 mail in rebate! So Rusty said that I could order it as Nikki's Santa gift. Nikki is going to be so happy! Then again Santa always brings the cool stuff!

I must sorry to everyone back east. That storm that hit you guys was the same storm that was here last weekend.

I was going to load some pictures of Nikki, but it is taking way to long! I will have to do that later. I need to get my ass in gear and get my busy day started.

 

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The marine Corps times has pissed me off

Rusty gets the Marine Corps Times. This is just a big news paper telling everyone what is going on in the Marine Corps. Most of the time I just flip through it and find nothing of interest.

However this weeks cover story is about aggressive dogs. The writer of this article had the audacity to compare my husband and other marines to dogs! My husband is not a common animal.

I do not agree with bsl. (breed specific legislation) Just because a dog is dig does not them mean and aggressive. I do not believe that dogs should be ban just because of their breed. Maybe we should just ban stupid people from owning dogs?

The author of this article has never spent anytime in this house other wise he might have written a different story.

In this house, our pit run's from the kitten. In this house, our pit plays with our handi cap son. In this house marines wrap their arms around our pit and go to sleep.

In our house, marines fight over who is going to bottle feed a kitten. In our house, marines treat our animals with respect. In our house.....

Yes, marines are trained to fight. Yes we send the marines into situations that we would never want to be in. Yes the marines are the baster children of the United States military.

That does not mean that you can compare them to a common animal.

Marines are people. They were raised by humans and they do have feelings. Marines do not always like what they are asked to do, but they do it. Marines are kind and loving and they are a sucker for children and animals.

I am going to write to the editor and voice another opinion. I do not like it when people compare my family to a common animal. I do not like it when people write about something and do not do research. If they had done their home work then they would know that other dogs attack more often. I do not like it when someone is trying to put limits on what we can and can't own.

People can have my pit when they take my gun. And that will be when I am dead. Here is the link to the article. I will more later after I calm down some! LOL

http://www.marinecorpstimes.com/news/2007/12/marine_devil_dogs_071208w/

 

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I am so cold

Why am I so cold? It is 73 degrees in the house. Oh well I have some hot chocolate so maybe that will warm me up.

Yesterday was fun. I am so glad that I made the time to go and have some time to myself.

Earlier this week I discovered that I am married to a white man. Rusty and I were talking about Christmas gifts for Ryan and I suggested that we buy him a basketball.... since he is playing basketball now. I told Rusty that way he could help Ryan with his dribbling and passing. I got that blank stare. Rusty finally said " I do not even know if I can dribble a basketball" I just looked at him and said " you really are a white boy even I can play basketball." I am still going to buy Ryan a basketball for Christmas.

So several years ago when one of our dogs was a puppy it killed two of the neighbors dog. Now it is not what you might be thinking. Our dog and their dogs use to run along the fence and bark at each other. One day while the dogs were doing this our neighbors dog's had heart attacks! So last night we saw a strange dog in our back yard. This is very strange for us since our back yard is completely fenced in. It was the same neighbors dog. There new dog had pushed two of the fence boards off. We tried so hard to get their dog back into their yard so that we could fix the fence, but the dog wanted to play. We gave up and came back in the house. The our dogs wanted to go out. I almost let them out, but then remembered that there was another dog in our yard. I could just see our pit killing there new dog. I don't think our neighbors would be happy if we killed their third dog.

I have a few errands to run today and then I am going to go visit my quilting friend. I managed to get a lot of cleaning done last night so today is mine.

Tonight for dinner I am going to make sloppy Joes. Ground beef is very high here, so I found some steaks on sale I am going to grind them up. Can you believe that it is cheaper for me to grind my own meat then it is to buy it preground?

Next week we have to go to the school and do Ryans IEP. The teacher he has this year is so awesome. She is going to push to get Ryan into the therapy that he needs. I have been fighting with the school system for years and now it looks like I have someone on my side. I am not going to get my hope's up, after all it is the California public school system.

Nikki is sewing her boyfriend a quilt for Christmas. The last time she did this she broke up with him. I can only hope that this will happen again. I do not like this boy. Last night Nikkis boyfriend called and I told him that she was not home. This boy then asked if I knew where she was! I said "yes, I do" and hung up on him.

Last night I let Rust do something that I never allow him to do. i let him brush my hair. Anyone with naturally curly hair knows that a hair brush can get lost in our hair. I had straightened my hair so it was a little easier for him to brush. I must admit that it was nice to have him brush my hair. Rusty could not believe how long it has gotten.

I need to go get my day started.

 

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here are some pictures

Here are some pictures from today. This is my girlfriends little girl and her name is Kelcee. Make sure you view them larger.

carving out time

Today I am taking some time to go hang out with a friend.

Last year my friend Denise was telling me that when she was little that she would go over the Anheuser Bush stables and look at all the clyesdales dressed up for Christmas. Today we are going to get together and go over to the stables. Denise said that she has not been there in 10 years so we are not sure what we are going find. But if we just spend a few hours driving around and talking .... well that would be fine.

I got up this morning to the smell of rotten trash. I have no idea what was in that can but man it stunk! I guess today I will have to wash all of the trash cans out.

I actually got another child support check last week. I still under a penny a day for the girls, but I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. However I can't find one of the checks. So I will also get the great pleasure of looking for this check.

Amber leaves for Costa Rica in less then a month! I think I am more excited then she is. I so wish I was going on these trips. Amber has the opportunity to go to Egypt over Christmas break next year. I think she should go, but Amber is not sure. I wish I would have had these opportunities when I was her age.

Friday night is opening night for the Christmas play. I am going to take Nikki flowers on that night! I am so proud of her.

I am kinda hoping that we get snow this year. About five years ago we actually got snow. Granted we had to drive up the mountain about a mile. I want to go play in it and then come back home and be warm. It has been very cold already this year so snow just might come.

Yesterday my exema started acting up. I swore I was going to scratch my leg off. I have dried everything and nothing helps when it flares up. I guess I will just need to stop complaining and deal with it.

Well my day is calling me so I better get moving.

 

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can you believe I am still here?

So here I sit with just a few moments to myself.

The weekend was very crazy and wet. I can't believe we actually got rain!

George came in from 29 Palms so we had a nice visit. I really enjoyed just chilling with her.

One of our friends called and asked Nikki to baby sit for them this week. The only problem is that Nikki does not get out school until after this girl does. And this little girl lives on the other side of town. So I am picking this girl up every day. Then Nikki is responsible for watching her and helping her get her homework done.

This little girl, Sierra, found the Barbie dream house yesterday. Sierra was as happy as could be for a few hours. I must admit that it was very strange to walk past the living room and to see Barbie stuff everywhere. I have not seen that in years.

Today I went and talked to Ambers child development class. Amber did a presentation on Noonans syndrome, so I came in talk to the class. I must say that all of the children asked some very good questions.

Nikki just rolled out of bed at the crack of 10:45. Nikki was so tired this morning, so I was going to let her sleep for an extra hour and just let her go to school late. Then I went to wake her up and said screw it. Nikki needs this time to rest. Between all of her ap class, practicing every night for the Christmas play, babysitting and home work......I think she is just about burned out.

So over the weekend I said that my stunt is to go to the commissary dressed as a Muslim women. Rusty and CJ don't think that is a good idea. All of my girlfriends think it is a great idea as long as they can come and take pictures!

We finally started decorating for Christmas over the weekend. Rusty sat down at the computer desk and just started smiling. Then Rusty turned to me and said I love this. So I walked over to the desk to see what he was talking about. Amber set up a picture of Rusty's mom kissing Santa and then behind that was a picture of me kissing Santa!

Last night I asked Rusty if he will ever stop smiling when he see's that picture. Rust said " no. I remember that year. It was at the squadron Christmas party and I saw mom kissing Santa. I told dad that mom was kissing another man. What I did not realize that year was that dad was Santa!" I just pulled the picture out of the frame to see if there was a date on the picture but there was not.

Well I have to go get Ryan's laundry washed, and go to the store, the I will start the after school rush around.

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