Friday, August 18, 2006

cookies and cheeseburgers

Today was very interesting day. My dad was awake most of the day and he was nice to me!

so dad and I are sitting around and I asked him if he wanted something to eat. I must have listed of a million things to eat before I asked him if he wanted another chocolate chip cookie. Dad wanted another cookie. So we sat in his bed and ate cookies. Then my mom came home and I said " oh no we are going to be in trouble for eating cookies in the bed!"

My mom walks in the room and she is just smiling from ear to ear and asks what we are doing! Then my dad tries to hide his cookie in his shirt pocket! We were so busted.

About nine p.m. my dad said that he wanted a cheese burger and a strawberry milk shake, so I went and got it for him.

It was nice to finally have some "good times" with my dad.

My dad was in a lot of pain today, so once my mom got him settled in for the night we went out back and we were talking. At first it was just about my dad, then the conversation to turned to hell child. Here is how that went.

me: The other night when I lost it.... I was not upset by the way dads look. I was upset because my name is Kelli not Kailey. I am a person. I was upset because dad kept asking for Kailey, but no one in this house asked me how the girls and Ryan were taking the news. Did anyone ever stop to think what they might be going through?

my mom: Your father asks for Kailey because she has lived here for 10 years. We can't just throw her a side.

me: Why is that mom? Why are you raising Kailey?

my mom: because "d" ( my sister) is a single mom and she needed our help.

me: I was a single mom with two children and you kicked me out. I lived in a roach infested apartment, while collecting welfare. I was in the middle of a divorce and you kicked me out.

my mom: your dad regrets talking you out of the divorce. We really did not want you to leave we just wanted you to help us out more.

me: I was working, getting no child support and doing the best I could, and you still kicked me out. However that is o.k. because through it all I am still standing despite everyone's best efforts to knock me down.

my mom: says nothing, she just put her head down

me: I don't know how I did not fuck the girls up, but somehow they turned out great.

my mom: that's because you are a good mom

me: I am not a good mom, I stayed with a man who use to beat the shit of them. I use to steal food just to feed my children! That is in the past. I no longer have that ass hole in my life and I no longer have to steal food. I am still here, even if no one wants me to be.

my mom: has nothing to say.

me: why don't you go get some sleep. You did not get a nap today.


I must say that I was scared to confront my mother about choosing one child over the other. Now I am not sure how I feel. I am glad that it is out in the open, but I really do not feel any better.


seraphoflove9001 said...

I can relate....I was kicked out with my first, and I was hurt. I did it all bymyself as well. I have 2 kids, a son 24 a daughter 21, and now my mom tells me how great a mother I have been and still am. What I did to raise them was to treat them the opposite of the way it was for me when I was growing up. I told her that, and she has since then apologized to me, but like you said, it didn't really make me feel better that it was out in the open. But it is now, and we do get along great to this day now. :o) You're a strong person, and I admire that. :o)

lindapaterson177 said...

You sound as if you have done a good job with the kids and sometimes you do the opposite from how your parents did and that`s not always a bad thing, Your kids will one day turn around and thank you lots.
take care
linda x

cgtperkins said...

You have had a lond day obviously. Im glad you did have the conversation with your mom, because even though you don't feel better, at least you won't regret not having it!! Try and get some rest. I am so glad you had such a wonderful day with your dad, I think you needed that, and he probably did 2.