I no longer want to be here. I want to go home to California. What was I thinking by coming here?
Today my dad has done nothing but yell at me! Go away, you don't know anything, stop trying to help me, these are just a few comments from my father. To top it all off all he is worried about is when Kailey will here. ( my sisters child)
What the fuck? Even on his death bed I am not good enough for him. Why am I fighting for him? Why am I crying for him? Why am I even here?
All I know for sure is that Kailey will be here at some point today. I will try not to kill her. Yesterday when she was here I just avoided her and when she came to give me a hug good bye I just patted her on the head.
Today I hope that my eyes shoot arrows into her soul and that she know that I despise her.
I know that is mean, but that is how I feel. Anyway, enough of the pity party. I am going to go clean the van for my mom.
4 comments:
I do feel for you dear ,you are doing the most difficult job there is ,caring for a dying parent ,when its all over you will know you did the right thing ,if its only supporting your Mum at this time .....Jan xx
You are doing a great job. I know it is very hard on you. For all that you have done already is welcomed by your mom. :o)
Lisa
Try and understand that your dad is dying...............that has to be very difficult to know you are about to die and just lie there waiting on death to come. I know it isn't easy for you either but at least you aren't waiting to die. What I just said is easier said than done...........I know!!! Maybe you need to get out for a while and get out of the house and take a break because you do have to try to take care of yourself to. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this and I wish I could wiggle my nose and make it better. I deal with this everyday and it never gets easier.
I am so sorry. It seems that no one there understands that this is also YOUR loss. The man that is dying is your father too. WTF??? I can't say I understand how you feel, because I have not lost a parent. I will pray for you. You would have had much regret later had you not spent a few moments with your father during his dying days.
All my love,
Renee
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