Friday, August 4, 2006

pissed off!

I talked to my mom a few minutes ago and now I am so fucking pissed off that I want to go shooting. The only problem is there is not a range close to the house.

So my mom tells me that she finally got my dad into the tub today. He had been in the same clothes for four days! I know my mom is doing the best that she can. I know that she has to work and take care of my dad. Please keep in mind my dad not soil himself he is just stubborn. Anyway, my question is: What in the hell is my sister doing?

That is our father. I am sorry but at some point I would think that she would step up and help. Let's see she only lives 20 minutes away and she can drop her child off for my mom to watch, but she cannot give our father a bath?

Then I asked my mom if she was ready for me to come home. She said no because my father does not want people to see him die.

That was when I lost it. I said "then why is it that Kaily ( my niece) is allowed to watch him die? Why is it mom?" All my mom could say is that "Well she has been here from the beginning"

Then I bit my lip. You know I still not understand why my own mom kicked me out when I needed her. Why was I allowed to go homeless with the girls? Why is it that Kaily gets the privilege of having grandparent as a babysitter? How can they choose one grandchild over another?

I am so pissed of right now.

Anyway, I told my mom that I can be on the next flight out. I told her that I had planned on being there for two weeks.

After I vented on Rusty, which really did not make me feel any better, I realized something. When I do go home I will no one to lean on. I will have to hold my anger in and I will have to try really hard not to kill Kaily.

I will be facing the unknown on my own. I will have no shoulders to lean on. I guess this is going to be a true test of my strength.

The more I thought about it, I will not even have a friend to call on. The town I grew up in is filled with people I know. However I am not the same person I was when I was 18, and I know I don't want to be around any of them anyway.

So this trip is either going to make me stronger or it is going to make me need bail money.

Enough. I now have to put on a happy face. The children are home and more people are their way up.

1 comment:

zoepaul6968 said...

hun youre not alone,if you want to vent just contact me,I always stop by your journal and youre on my im list,im away from 12th aug till 20th but im here after try and have a good weekend xxzoexx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/zoepaul6968/DomesticAbuse/