Wednesday, August 16, 2006

still here

So I got done cleaning out the van, and one of our neighbors came over to check on dad. Pat is just a sweet old lady! Anyway Pat had mentioned to me that she had to choose between buying a new mattress or going to see her grandchildren.

I thought that if I did something nice for someone else I might feel better. So I went out to look for a mattress. Well I went to this one store and I told the sales lady what size of mattress I was looking for and that I wanted to keep it under $150. Well she went and started checking, so I was walking around looking at some other stuff. I saw this lamp that Ryan would love! So The sales lady finds me and tells me that she did not have any mattresses for under $250. So I asked her how much the lamp was. She said "Well it is more then you would like to pay for it. That lamp is $80!"

O.K. now the bitch has crossed a line. I may look a little rough on the edges because I just got done scrubbing the van, but listen here, my money spends the same as anyone else's money. I just left the store. That lady was so rude!

Then the child from hell showed up. I tried to keep it together, but I could not. I went outside to grab my shoes and my mom was like " what is wrong"? I just told her that now was not the time nor the place.

I put on my running shoes and started running. I was running and crying so much that I could not breath. I slowed down and ended up walking.

I got a lot of thinking done while I was on the walk. First of all I never want to see corn grow again. Second of all, I never want to come back Chicago again. Third of all, I never want to see my sister or hell child again.

I guess I should tell everyone what set me off this time. A side from my dad yelling at me, all he asked for was hell child. Then my mom and sister kept calling me by her name!

Now I guess I need to explain why that up set me. First of all there are more grandchildren then hell child, Not once has anyone asked how MY children are doing.

I would love to be called by my name. All day long my mother and father called me hell child's name. Then my sister started doing it. That was when I lost it.

I am a person with a name and with feelings. Rusty said that I should tell my mother how I am feeling. But I figure what is the point. All it will do is piss them off, and nothing will change. I thought I tell my mom (after my sister left) how I felt but......well all she said to me was " dinner is done, come eat".

I so want to go home, but instead I am going to try to get some sleep.

I would like to say thank you to everyone who has left so many nice comments. Maybe I am not alone anymore.




jeadie05 said...

No you are not alone ,but you are certainly in a difficult place just now ,it must be so hard for you ,and you are so sweet wanting to buy Pat the mattress ....Jan xx

seraphoflove9001 said...

No, you're not alone. You are a great person for doing what you are! :o)

goodwilltramp said...

First off, I agree with you Kelli...Just because I have money doesn't mean I need to show it all the damn time...what a hussy...hehe I haven't used that word before
also, you should tell your mom how you feel.. people can suprise you sometimes.  I miss you bunches, if anyone can look to the brighter's you.  Youa re my queen optimist...   I love you, keep on leepin on sista