very proud

I must say that I am very proud of our oldest daughter, Amber. Today she and I had a long about her dance class. Now her dad and I have not been happy that she has been taking this dance class, but we figured that it was not worth the argument.

Today when I asked Amber how her first day of school went. she said that dance was just awfull, and that she has to do this and she has to do that... So anyway I asked her if this class was woth it to her and she said no. So Amber is going to drop dance and try to get in photogrphy or a cooking class.

We were hoping that Amber would realize that this dance class was not worth it! I guess by usw keeping our moths shut she learned a lesson the hard way and with out us nagging at her.

Nikki had a good first day of school. From what Nikki said the school was not ready to be opened. The school district was suppose to have this school ready by now, but today there were no tables to eat at, no trash cans, and no place to have gym class. I guess the school district did not think to far a head since there is nothing but mud for the children to play in.

As for my dad. He is now on very high doses of pain medicine, so he has slept most of the day. His breathing is really slowing down, and...........

I went with my mom today to make all the arrangements. So now everything is done. We even filled out the death certificate. Which by the way my mom and I were both kinda laughing about. The lady asked us what my fathers, fathers name was. Well we did not know! The man that he called dad and that I called grandpa was not his "real" father. So we ended up putting not available!

One of my moms very good friend is spending the night. I think my mom really enjoyed being able to talk to her.

I have been trying to talk my mom into letting a hospice volunteer and a nurses aid come in. My mom will have none of that. She said she does not some stranger taking care of my father. She is so scared that someone will be mean to him, so she is going to do this all by herself.

My sister and her hell child came over today. After they left I had a very long talk with my mother. I told her that I sick of my sister trying to give me a guilt trip about not being here. I am sick of her asking me if I am going to go to Mexico, to help "scatter some of the ashes".

The answer is no. I am not going to go Mexico. I know that all that will bring to me is more anger toward my family.

I also asked her how come when my children come to visit they always have to up with hell child? She said well hell child wants to see them. So i asked her if it ever crossed her mind that MAYBE the other grandchildren do not want to spend time with the hell child, That maybe they you all to themselves? Is that to much to ask. Well my mom said that it was not to much to ask, but still no real answers.

I so cannot wait to get back to California. I so want to get back to living my life.