Monday, March 31, 2008

I talked to the shrink

This has been one very crazy weekend. I had my shrink on the phone all weekend. Yes everyone I have a shrink. My shrink is Dimitri and since he is our friend I don't have to pay him! LOL Free is a good price.

Issue number one. When I was going through a box I came across a small photo album. When I opened the album there were pictures of my late in laws. My heart just sank. Memorial Day is coming up. Every Memorial Day I go and put flowers and pictures on their grave. I have done for I think four years now. I do not want to do it anymore. I know that Rusty and Rusty's brother have said thank you to me for doing it, but I just don't want to do it any more. So my issue was.... does that make me a bad person for not going and leaving the grave un attended? Am I wrong to no long want to do what Rusty and his brother should be doing?

I was told no that I was not a bad person and that I have done it longer then most people would have. I was also told Rusty and Rysty's brother may never go to the grave, it all depends on them and if there was ever any closure.

I told Rusty about mine and Dimitris conversation. Rusty said I think I will go this year. I told Rusty that I would go with him and support him, but that I would not do it for him any more.

Issue number two. Nikki. Yes Betty may seem to have everything together and Nikki is very driven, however Nikki has said something more then once that scares me.

I have come to term's with Nikki wanting to join the service. I don't like it and I can't stop it. More then once I have asked Nikki why she would want to be a Chaplin assistance instead of be the chaplain or using her engineering degree.

The answer is the same. If I am the Chaplin assistance then I get to carry a gun.

At this point I walk away. I do know enough to know that I don't know enough.

I said to Dimitri " let me ask you a question as my friend and not my shrink. Do enjoy killing people?"

The was no and that there is no glory in taking another humans life.

Then I explained the whole Nikki thing to Dimitri. I was told that t.v. movies, and even the marines make war sound great, but it is not. Dimitri could not answer my question on the whole gun thing. He did say that he would sit down and talk to her and see where she is coming from.

Yesterday Rusty Nikki and I went down to the church and we met with the youth pastor and the mother from hell.... the boyfriends mom.

Now I have been supportive, for the most part I have bit my lip, and I am so done with this bitch.

We get into this room to talk about everything. O.K. I know this will be hard to believe, but I sat there and listen to this lady run my daughter down.

Nikki finally hit rock bottom. Nikki stood up and just let loose on this lady. Now in my mind I high fiving Rusty. That is my girl! I am so proud of Nikki for finally standing up for herself.

Once Nikki was done unloading on this bitch, she grabbed Rusty's hand and pulled him out of the room.

Once Nikki and Rusty left, it was my turn. I very calmly said in front of the youth pastor "I have bent over backwards for nikki and Chris. I even offered to take your son in when you kicked him out." Then I left.\

Nikki said that she is so done. I am glad! I just wish that she did not have to hit rock bottom to get done.

Well Rusty and I are running off to Vegas this weekend! Some of our friends from Il. are flying into Vegas, so we are going to drive out there and see them. Vegas is only about 4 hours from here, so that is not to bad.

O.K. so today we are going to Jacksonville Fl. I have never been there but I wish I could go visit it. To be very truthful I have never been to Fl!

So Heather and Sherry pack you bags we are coming to get you.


nolefan38 said...

I'm ready and waiting lolol................... I 'm glad you have a friend to talk to and free is always good lolol................... I agree with your friend . I think sometimes TV does make war look great but maybe she will feel better protected if she has a gun????? I don't know.......................Sometimes in our love for someone else we do things for them that is really their responability, I think you are right telling your hubby you will go with him but not do it for him............ sometimes we make it easy for them................. hugs, Sherry

deshelestraci said...

You are right, everyone needs a shrink!  I have a couple thank goodness!  Glad you have your's.   So did anything get resolved during the meeting with the youth pastor?!  Sounds like a mess.

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwww Kelli, I do'nt think you are a bad person at all, you are right about TV making war look great, have fun in Vegas and send me a postcard please, Hugs Lisa

lanurseprn said...

I don't think you are a bad person at all. People visit graves when they need to. If you needed to do it more in the past, and now you don't have to, for whatever reason, it's OK! It really IS!  I promise you.
Sometimes people sense that their loved one is among them, rather than at the grave, so they don't have to go to the cemetery to have a "visit." I know that some people think it is paying respect to keep the grave up each week themselves. Others, they can't do it.
If you were never to go back, just know that it is OK.
You are such a good person. You really are.
Hugs...Pam xoxox

lv2trnscrb said...

okay, maybe is not the time to deal with your dad's passing; honestly, I wouldn't go and put the things on the graves; I know its a nice custom, but if you are done with it, be done with it. (and the inlaws aren't there either).

I still think Nikki has it together more than a lot of kids her age; I'm sure she throws you a loop on more than one occasion, but you got to remember, if she is on fire for the Lord, guess who's going to not be happy about that??


plieck30 said...

You are not a bad person if you no longer want to go to the cemetary. Its really just a show for other people because the in-laws are no longer there. I still go but not as often. I remember going to my husband's grave twice in one day when the hurt was fresh. You just do what feels right for you. Paula

gehi6 said...

I am glad Nikki was able to defend herself. I think I would be a little disturbed at Nikki's reason for wanting to be a pastor's assistent (to carry a gun) but Dante has said all kinds of thing that raised the hair on my neck.  He loves to say stuff for shock value, like I have a gang called Call to Violence or some such.  So maybe that is Nikki's shtick!  I hope you have a good time in Vegas.  I didn't know you were that close.  Gerry

momiscool2 said...

I'm applying for the group rate on shrinks over here. lol.
It's great that you have someone close to help you.

WtG Nicci for sticking up for herself!!!

hey can you come back to Vegas in the beginning of may lol ? I'm coming the first week!!!!



hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGSOYOU)))))))))))))))I dont want you to ever say you are a bad person,BEACUSE YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON!!!!!!!!You do a good job at raising your kids.I can see that your kids resepect you and I admire that.I hope you and Rusty have a good minni vaction,you both deserve it.