for my baby

Tonight I was moving more stuff. Sam came over and helped out. Then I took the children to dinner and it was back to the house for another load..... the last load of the night.

We were not in the door more then five minutes when Rusty walked in.

Rusty was tired, hungry, and just wanted to go to bed. I went out side and sat with him. I was telling Rusty all about the move. That was when I said " Just think you can come tomorrow and everything will be done."

Rusty said that he felt bad because he was not hear to help with all of this. That was when I said "You should be glad that have a wife that can handle this."

While I was picking up a box full of dishes I caught Rusty looking at me.

I called my shrink. He told explained to me that guys want to do it all and they want to be the super hero's.

Rusty you are my super hero. Every day you get up and go to work, while I stay at home.

You cook me chicken because you know I hate beef. You will buy me shrimp just because you know I like it.

You worry about me. Weather it is a flat tire or weather I am sick. You worry if I don't answer my phone right away. You worry when I drive out of our little city.

You worry about our children. Are we raising them right? Do they have everything they need? What more can I do for them?

You did not buy new work boot's because you knew that I needed new shoes. I do not know what you gave up to buy those earring that you gave me last year for my birthday.

You allow me to foster animals even when it would be easier if I did not. You put up with my sewing stuff being all over the table. You put up with my mood swings.

You never complain about days that I do not want to cook dinner. You never complain when I forget to set the coffee pot, or when I wash your coffee cup. You never complain when the kitten help you get dressed in the morning or when when of them wakes you up at 3 a.m.

Rusty you are my hero. You are the one who has seen me through some of the toughest time of my life. You were there when my ex came after me, when my dad died, and when I wanted to give up on life. You have been my rock for so long.

I may be the crazy girl that has nappy black people hair. I know that I am rough around the edge, and not always a nice person. I know that at times I can snap at you and yet you are still here.

Rusty,you and I have always been a team. It is just that I do not pull nearly as much weight as you. I am doing this move because I love you and because I want to take some stress off you.

I love my husband and I am not ashamed to say to the whole world. I am married to the best man ever.

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boys, boys, boys

So yesterday Sam and Amber went to the beach. I do not know why they are still dating because they are always together. They both had a good time cruising the coast on a Harley. They are way to funny.

Nikki's ex boyfriend Chris is now back in the picture. ICK! I do not mind Chris, but his mother is a physco. According to Nikki and Chris the mother wants to make things right between us. What? Are you done lying to me? Now that you have been on your meds for a few weeks are you realizing that you are a bitch? What happens when you for get to take your meds and you wig out again?

I told Nikki that I will speak with physco mom from hell but I will only speak to her in front of pastor Scott. This way if she is going to lie and be a bitch she can do it in front of the pastor.

For the last few days I have been dodging cops. I do not know why every cop in riverside county is in Lake Elsinore but they are. I am still paying off my last major ticket and now I have a blown tail light.

Today I am going to go buy the bulb and put it in. The last thing I need is another ticket.

For the last few days Nikki has had these strange random bumps. I blew it off and just thought it was bug bites. Then this morning Nikki comes in and shows me her leg. Nikki got into some type of poison when she went four wheeling. I am not sure if it is poison Ivy or poison oak. I told Nikki to stay away from Amber and I. If get exposed to that crap it go straight to our blood stream and we will be hurting.

Today, I have to go to the hippy store and get her some voodoo pills to cure this poison. I am not sure what the pills are called but the work, and they get the poison out of her body.

I can add that to my already busy day. Today I need to take a bunch of stuff out to the curb. I need to pack some more stuff, and do little things around here.

I am so hoping that Rusty gets tomorrow off. We have rented a 20 foot u haul, and I have never driven a fully loaded u haul down a very steep hill. I guess if Rusty has to work tomorrow, I will no choice but to learn how to drive that big ass u haul.

Life and time keep marching on for me. I swear the last few months have been a blur. We have had two moves. One daughter is graduating, another daughter is going to go chase her dreams all summer long, Rusty and I have had our ups and downs and we are still here.

Soon my life will settle down and I can get back to some sewing, and spend a lot of time on the lake. I can't wait to bake my body in the sun.

I must say that through all of this I have learned that I am stronger then I ever thought. I have always just done what I had to do, this year everything that is being asked of me is very hard. Yet, I am doing it.

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lions do it

If lions can eat their young then why can't we?

Amber tells me yesterday that she will need dinners for the week because she is working a lot. Oh and that she is almost out of gas.

So I had Amber meet me at the 99 cent only store. I bought her some frozen dinners for the rest of the week. Now this is a big step for Amber because the other time I offered to buy her dinner at the 99cent store she turned her nose up. So I told her to buy her own damn dinner then. Well she found out that fast food gets expensive quick.

Then it is off to the gas station. We get there and I try to use my atm card. The gas stations atm machines are not working, so it was a cash only day. I did not have cash. I told Amber to go to work and that I would give her money for gas later.

Not more then two minutes later Amber calls and says well I made it to work, but the car ran out of gas as soon as I pulled into the parking spot. I told her that I would deal with that later.

I had gotten a test from Nikki earlier in the day saying that her phone had been cut off. O.K. I knew that it was over due and I was going to pay it on Friday but I guess I am paying it now.

So off to the att store to pay Nikkis bill. I almost fell over when I found out that her bill was $380! It seems that this child loves to talk a lot.

\Now I have to run to the other side of town to pick Nikki up and give her an ear full. Then it was back to the other side of town to get a gas can for Amber.

I go to the garage and there are three gas cans there. So I start sniffing them. Is this gas? I could not tell, so I grabbed the empty one.

Back to the gas station we go. I think the gas pumps should at least play porn while we are getting screwed just for buying gas.

Back to Ambers work. Nikki puts the gas in Ambers car while I go in to give Amber $40.

I do more running around and come home and throw burgers and dogs on the grill. Finally I am done and I can sit and watch the deadliest catch.

Then Amber walks in and says that the $40 I gave her did not fill her tank. What?! Amber drives a little 4 banger Chevy cavalier. I told her that it must really suck to be her because she is on her own for buying gas from now on.

Nikki gets in from youth group and says "What you did not cook dinner? I don't want a hotdog."

I said " then you should have been here when dinner came off the grill. Cook something else or go hungry. I don't care."

Oh I so want to eat my children.

There was a very bright spot in my day. Nelishia from
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/Prayingandbelieving/ sent me this really cool tea pot. It has a sewing machine and a cat on it! Thank you so much for my surprise!

I think everything else that is left in the house is going to the good will. I am so sick of this move.

OH! A few other things that I forgot to mention have happened. I am getting cash for key! I asked for $1,850 and the guy said that he could get me $1,500 but that he will try for more! Yes. finally something has gone our way.

As for my blown tire. I did not run anything over. The tire was dry rotted! Rusty is just so happy to know that my tires are rotting instead of wearing them out. I guess that proves that I am a house rat after all.

However the whole tire thing did cause that vein to bulge again.

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what a weekend

This weekend was mostly productive. It was nice and cool here, so I was not working in the heat, which is always a good thing!

We got a lot of stuff moved. So now on Friday we will only have the big stuff left to move! Yes! I am so excited to have almost all of my part of the move done.

Rusty and I had to go to the other side of lake for something, so I asked Rusty to help me load the truck. Now I thought this would be an easy request. All Rusty could find to load were fishing poles!

Fishing poles? Why do we even own fishing poles? I hate to fish and Rusty does not know how to fish. So why do we have fishing poles? Oh the question hurts my brain.

Rusty and I went to the cemetery on Sunday. I am so proud of Rusty for going. The cemetery was very beautiful.

Today I need to go down to the school district and change our addy so Ryan's busing can continue. I thin that is last of the paper work that I have left to do.

Yesterday we were all sitting around watching t.v. and eating dinner when Amber says " Mom can I go to sturgis the first week of August?"

No she may not ride from the so cal to sturgis! I want to do that! I told Amber that if she wants to go she should go for it. So if Amber can get the time of work she will heading out to sturgis!

Next week is the last week of school for the girls. The seniors get out of school about a week before everyone else. Nikki is taking her exams early, because she leaves next Saturday to start her summer adventure.

I am not sure when Ryan gets out of school. I know that Ryan will be going to summer school but that is only two weeks long. I really need to find something for Ryan to do this summer.

Nothing is getting done by me sitting here. I guess I should go get into he shower and get my ass moving. Life and time are marching on.

 

 

 

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last night was awesome

http://videos.nctimes.com/p/video?id=1895232

So, you have to check out the above link! It is so cool.

I grew up in the mid west where rain, wind, hail and tornadoes are part of lives.

So yesterday while I was on my home it started to rain. I was thinking to myself well at least my car is getting washed. My car is suppose to be white but it is actually more like a brown color from all of the dust.

Then I pull into the driveway and I open the car door and I hear this strange sound. Crap! That is my rear tire going flat. I called Rusty and asked him what I was suppose to do.

O.K. I know that sounds like a stupid question, but here is why I asked the question. Our drive way is on a slope. Rusty said that he did not want me to jack the car up because is does not want it to fall on me. So I was told to wait until he got home and that he would take of it for me.

I got into the house and the weather just kept getting worse. So I cooked up some soup and made sandwiches for dinner.

When I was growing up my mom always made soup on cold wet days, so I thought why not?

I ate some dinner, took a shower and made some tea. I settled in and turned on the weather channel. We had flash flooding, tornadoes, hail, high winds, and I was loving it! For once we finally had weather in California!

No one else was happy. I just laughed and said "If you hear a train coming run for the laundry room."

Today I am stuck at the house. My tire never got fixed, but that is o.k. I have a ton of stuff to bet done today.

Thank you to everyone who offered to adopt Amber. She has no idea so she will be shocked when the cards start to come in!

This morning Amber told me that she wants me to cause a scene when they call her name. I asked if I could run through the stadium naked. The answer to that question was no. Then Amber tells me that If I do that I will have to register as a sex offender! LOL Oh Lord please don't let anyone look over my fence.

Our garbage man comes today so I need to go gather up some trash and clean out a few more cabinets before he comes.

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I had a date last night

So last night I called my best friend and said lets go to dinner. None of the children are home. So I got there before he did. I ordered our drinks and then he showed up. He showed up and I still looked like crap, but he was happy to see me anyway. It was nice to sit and talk. No cell phones ringing, no children, just the two of us. I so love my husband.

Yes the house is nice looking! Can you believe that very white trash people are going to live there? We have three trash cans because one is for recycling, one for trash and one for yard waste.

Betty said that she liked the Jack Daniel's bottle in the back ground of one of the pictures. Jack is Rusty's drink of choice. Rusty's doctor said that he could have one mixed drink a night. Sometimes I let him have more! LOL

Does anyone want to adopt Amber? I will send you announcement if you will send her a card. Amber is very sick of not having family.

Last night I was going through some stuff and I noticed that a picture was missing. The picture was 8x10 picture of the five of us with my mom and dad. I never hung the picture up because I am not ready to see any pictures of my dad. That picture was taken two years ago and at that point my dads mind was 90% gone. That damn cancer, the damn U.S. Army.

Well, the picture is gone. I asked Rusty if he had seen it. He said no. I asked Nikki and she said no. I called Amber and she said, " I put it in a frame and hung it up at the new house."

Great, Today I get to go to the new house and see a picture of my dad. I am not mad at Amber. I am just not ready to see my dad. He has been dead almost two years and I am still very angry at him and I still don't want to believe that he is gone.

More from the family ties that bind and gag.

My dad comes from a big Irish, Catholic family. The children are: Karen, Keith, Kevin, Katherin,Kollette,Kerry,Jane Ellen,Anne.

Karen is my dads older sister. She married an Italian and they had three boys, Chris, David and Marc. Karen now lives in Vegas and is a raging drunk. John spends most of his time in Italy where he still runs his family's business. I have not seen or heard from any of them in 18 years. Karen came to see Amber when I brought Amber home for a visit. All she said to me was " What do you think you are doing? I am not old enough to be a great Aunt"

Keith. My dad. Dead

Kevin is a physco Vietnam vet. Kevin actually watched me when he came back from Vietnam. Kevin did not speak for something like 5 years. Gee is that why I did not learn to speak until I was three? My day care provider was a physco Vietnam vet who did not speak. Kevin has three children: Kelley, I can't remember her name and a boy named Mike. I have not seen or heard from them in over 18 years. I did hear that one of the girls went into the convent.

Out of the other remaining four I know that one is dead. Jane was adopted so she is only about 5 years older then me. I have no idea where she is or what she is doing. Anne is by my grandfathers second wife and is only a few years older then Amber. I have no idea what happened to her.

Today I need to go buy a crate and some bubble wrap. I am going to pack up my light houses for good. I will not have room for them at the new house so I want to make sure that they are safe.

Here is the link to the light houses that I collect.

http://www.harbourlights.com/catalog/2008/index.htm

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look at us now

Well what do you think? Here is a picture of our new house, and some new pictures of the babies! I was just looking at the pictures of when we first got them and I can't believe how big they are. I guess I don't see it because I am with them all the time. The kittens should be ready to go back to the shelter by the end of June. Then they will get fixed, and I think I have homes for both of them! That is two more lives that I saved.

So yesterday I asked amber if she was ever going to mail out her graduation announcements. Amber said " well do you have any addresses and who am I suppose to mail them to? I have two grandmother's and that is it."

HMMM isn't this why I did not want to waste the money one those announcements? I now have 20 announcements and no family to send them to.

Think about this. Between Rusty and I we have my mother. Rusty has a brother, but they don't speak. I have a sister but we don't speak. We each have aunts and uncles, but we never see them! Maybe I can go buy some cut out figures of people and call them our relatives. I can prop them up in chairs, and at the counter? They would not eat much.

 Today is much of the same for me. I need to pack a few more items. Ambers old boyfriend Sam is coming over to help me move some stuff, so that will be nice.

There is a new boy sniffing around Amber. His name is Jake and they go to school together. So Jake calls Amber last night and they ended up going to the pool for a few hours. I am interested to actually meet this boy. I wonder if he will be able to hang?

Well, the realtor that ended up with our house came by yesterday. He did not actually give us a move out date. We are holding for this program that they have called cash for keys. This is where the bank pays renters to move out. O.K. yes I know that we have a new place, but the realtor does not know that and we can use all the extra money we can get. So I am waiting to hear from him.

Rusty sold a scope on e bay yesterday. Bless his heart. He really liked that scope, but he said that he does not have the right rifle to mount it on anyway.

Anyway, life and time march on and my day is waiting for me to get it started.

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dirty old man

So this morning Amber and I were loading her car with stuff from mine and Rustys closet. One a good note all of the major stuff is out of our closet.

When I went to pull something off the top shelf a ton of thong underwear fell of the top shelf. I wish I could say they were mine but they are not. They belonged to the girls.

For some reason it bugs Rusty that the girls wear thong's, so when he see's their laundry just laying around he would take them!

Amber was so shocked when she saw all of her underwear in her fathers closet. All Amber could say was "what a dirty old man! I was looking for this pair. When I wear these with a skirt I get a nice up breeze and it cools me off!"

Oh there is never a dull moment here.

I ended up picking Ryan up from his after school program early, so that we could all go to the pool. Nikki and Ryan had a nice time at the pool. I put my feet in, but there were to many children in the pool, so I did not want to get in.

Nikki is home sick today. I am not sure what is wrong but I think it was to much heat and not enough fluids. Nikki has a major issue. I even talked to her Popi and asked him to talk to Nikki, but so far nothing has helped. Nikki's issue is that she has two speeds.... go and stop.

Nikki try's to do everything and then when she crashes she crashes hard. I think that is where we are at today. I so hope that Nikki finds balance.

I never did get into the garage yesterday, so I am going to work on that today. I need to be home to take care of Nikki so this works out good for me.

 

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Time to cool off

Well we got most of the garage moved this weekend. That is right we moved in 110 degree heat. I don't think I ever drank so much water!

Now I just need to get into the garage and sort through all the little stuff. I have three piles started. Trash, yard sale, and move.

I must say that moving the garage would have gone better if the marines would have listened to me.

I told the marines that they could each leave one crate of stuff at our house. This way they would have some clean cloths for when they got home.

Here is what I ended up with. One tire on the rim, a full size bed, 5 peoples complete set of dress uniforms, 3 sea bags stuffed with stuff and a 12 crates. I was so pissed. I told Rusty that this will be the last time I even offer to let them keep one crate at the house.

Two of the marines were nice enough to leave their dirty clothes in a pile, so I just threw them away.

One of the marines called me from Iraq. Can you believe it is just as hot here as it is Iraq! I also told him that I threw his dirty clothes away. Nothing was said to that.

I am thinking that we all need to go to the pool for a few hours. I am so sick of packing and moving, but at least it is getting done.

I need go pack the car because I will have to pick Nikki up, so there is no since in wasting the gas. Nikki's school is only a few blocks from the new house.

Then I am going to make some lunch and try to relax some. I know that there is so much that I should be doing, but I just cant be bothered to care today.

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Another day in my life.

I just had to laugh when I saw this tag this morning. Oh this is true and it applies to me so well.

The cleaning is done! So today the carpet guy is coming in! Yes, finally I can see things moving in the right direction.

I have been listening to my great grandmother for the last few days. Oh and yes my great grand mother is dead. But she would rub aloe on everything. So I have been breaking off pieces of aloe and rubbing them on fingers and the chemical burns. They are feeling so much better! I will have to check and see if the new house has an aloe plant, if not I will have to get one.

Amber is mad because Rusty and I decided to give Nikki the other master bedroom. We chose to give it to Nikki because we feel she has earned it. Amber is pissed because she feels that she should get it just because she is older. Amber even offered to pay rent! I just laughed and said "You don't even make enough to pay all of the bills you have now!"

Amber was very nice to me yesterday. Amber came over after school and helped me scrub down the last room. Amber learned just how hard it is to scrub down walls. Welcome to my life.

Rusty is dealing with all of this a little better. I don't like seeing him under stress. It is not good for his heart. I also just called one of the marines and asked them to stop by and take Rusty some water or Gatorade. Rusty is out working in this heat (100 degrees) and that is also not good for him.

So Rusty just called me. He said " Did you talk to Ross?" I was like what are you are talking about? Rusty said " you both are full of hit. I know you called him and asked him to bring me something to drink."

O.K. so I did. I am just trying to take care of my man even if I can't be there to do it for him. Shoot me for being a good wife. Rusty did laugh, so that is a good thing!

 

 

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bleeding

Well those are my fingers. I literally worked my fingers until they bled.

The new house is so dirty and gross. I am only half way done cleaning it, so I will finish it up today. Bleeding fingers or not, it has to be done.

Back in 1990 I was burned in grease fire. I was told that I would never have use of my right arm again. I told the doctors that I had to get use back, I had my first child on the way. I was pregnant with Amber.

I did get use back, but I have a lot of scar tissue. I can notice it, but other people say that unless they know what to look for they don't see it.

Anyway, I just take for granted that it is there. It is stiffer then my other skin. So when I saw my fingers bleeding I was shocked.

For everyone that wants to smack Amber please come over and get in line.

Last night Amber asked me what was for dinner. I told her whatever she could find. Amber then said "A good mom cooks and cleans for her children."

I just raised my hand and said " Well I must be a good mom then because I just scrubbed down our new house until my fingers started to bleed. If you want dinner then go get it yourself!"

So here I am this morning. My fingers still hurt. Rusty is under a lot of stress. My house has no peace. I am trying my hardest to keep everything together.

The home that we are living in now went to sale yesterday and it was sold. So now I am just sitting here waiting for a knock at the door. I wonder how much time we will have to finish getting our stuff out.

Oh well, life moves on. Today I am going back to the house to finish cleaning. On Saturday I am going to start moving all of the stuff from our garage into the other houses garage.

I think this is one reason Rusty is stressed. Other then the move and work. I think Rusty is stressed out because this move falls on my shoulders. I thought that is what a spouse does.Aren't we suppose to pick up the slack when the other one cant?

Oh well, I need to get my ass in gear and get moving. There is a lot to get done today.

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Good news I guess

Well we got the house in the ghetto.  I should be glad because I now have a place to live. Man I really wanted the house that is only five blocks away. Oh well.

I have been asking Rusty what furniture he wants to get rid of. I have to get rid of the kitchen table and the bar stools. They will not fit in the new kitchen. I still have furniture that is being stored in the garage. I want to get rid on it, but Rusty has not said what he wants to do with it.

I am not sure what my family is going to eat at. I am keeping the big formal dinning room table, but I don't allow anyone to eat at it. I hate cleaning it. The table has a glass top, but somehow we still got mold under the glass. That was so much fun to get off. I guess everyone can just stand to eat.

When Rusty's mom died we got all of this "really nice furniture". I am not to happy with the furniture. It is not my style, It is big, and heavy. All of the marines seem to like it. So they other night I told Rusty that when he dies I am giving the marines 48 hours to get here. Once they are here they can fight over all the furniture and I don't care who gets what as long as I will never have to move it again.

Rusty just laughed and told me that I can't get rid of the table because Rusty's dad willed it to me. GRRRR he is right there.

So today I need to make arrangements to go clean the walls. Once the walls are cleaned then the carpet person can come in. Once all of that is done I can start moving our stuff in. Notice I said I. Rusty is gone for the next two weeks, so .....

I think this crap is moving into my chest. Oh well I will deal with it if it does. I did however sleep good last night.

I found out last night that Nikki's ex boyfriends mother is up to her games again. Great. Now I have to deal with her again.

Amber told me yesterday that she thinks she passed the exit exam since she cheated on it this time. Whatever.

Rusty and I have decided that Nikki is going to get the other master bedroom.The house we are moving into has two master bedrooms. Anyway, the other master bedroom is up stairs and Rusty and I do not want to climb those stairs. We also feel that Nikki has earned it.

Amber thinks she should get it just because she is older. Whatever.

For all the women out there who like me have been abused by a man..... well here is our song!

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lots of irons in the fire

I have the worst head cold ever. I can't be sick. I have to much going on.

I had a wonderful mothers day. The children spoiled me and Rusty cooked me a big breakfast. Not that I can taste anything, but I ate it anyway.

I went and looked at another house yesterday and I fell in love with it. It is only about 5 blocks from where we live right now. Even Rusty said it was like walking into our dream home. This house had everything we have wanted. Except for the price tag.

I have to go turn in our application for the other house. The other house needs be cleaned so badly. There is food stuck the walls, scuff marks everywhere and it is just..... I was scared to touch anything in there!

Rusty has another job offer out there. Rusty said that if they meet his terms then he is taking the job. The job is over seas and it is not the safest job in the world. However it is only for two months at a time. Hell I can do two months, after all I have done longer deployments.

I am still in the process of packing. To my great surprise there really is not a lot to pack. I guess that is because we never really unpacked.

There are so many things going on right now. That my head is spinning. My head and eyes hurt from this damn cold.

I must admit that I do hope Rusty takes the job. It would be so great for us. Rusty and I are both sick of worrying about money all the time. If Rusty takes this job we won't have to worry about money any more.

So everyone say a prayer for us.

I need to go get into a shower and hope that some of this snot will come out. I so hate being sick.

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my poor mother

Well my batteries are recharged today and I am ready to take on all that I need to get done. Which by the way is a lot.

I called a friend yesterday and cried on her shoulder and she set me straight. I do not detest my family I am envious of my family. She is right.

We have less time then I thought to move out. So not I am in the rat race again. However I am better prepared this time.

I called my friend Linda who owns a property management company. She has a house that we can move into!

Linda and I cut a deal. I get the carpets cleaned and clean the place myself and then I can have the keys to the place early. Deal.

On Monday we can go see the inside of the house. It is a four bedroom 3 bath house with a huge yard and we can keep all of our pets. Can you believe that the house has two master bedrooms? I think that is just crazy, but oh well.

No I have to decide which girl get's the other master. I am going to draw straws on that issue.

The house is in a nice neighborhood and it is close to high school, but it still in the ghetto. It is only a block and half away from where we use to live. Rusty does not like that idea. I have been told already that I will need to keep all of the doors lock even while I am home and that butter will need to be inside with me. I think Rusty is over reacting, but I just said yes dear.

I got two call from the school system yesterday.

I got a call from Nikki's school saying that they will give her the exams early. I was so glad to hear that. I was all prepared to go down to the school and bitch until I got my way.

The other call was from Ryans school. It seems that the ot person wanted to evaluate Ryan. The conversation was very one sided here is what was said.

Me: great, when are you going to start providing services?

ot: well we have not evaluated him yet so we don't know if he qualifies.

Me: Oh he qualifies. The last time you guys evaluated you said that he did not qualify because his mental and physical abilities were on the same level. Well now he is mentally at a third grade level and he still can't tie his shoes, use a knife, button his own jeans or 99% of the other stuff that third graders can do. Please let me know when you are going to start services.

ot: I will do that.

Who do these people think they are? do they think I am going to let them change the rules every time Ryan qualifies something? They do not want to provide services because it cost the school system money.

Nikki's other mom Deb is a special ed teacher. I told her that I was so sick of dealing with the school on my sons behalf. I bet there is some illegal child getting services. We are u.s. citizens!

Deb told me to hire an advocate for Ryan. They will take the pressure off me and they know all the free lawyers who will be happy to take Lake Elsinore Unified to court.

I added that to my to do list.

In the middle of all this chaos yesterday my mother calls. I did call her earlier in the day, so she was just returning my phone call.

I did have something very funny to tell her. I had pulled my credit report and there was an account on there that was opened in 1974. Hmm I was 4 when this account was opened.

So I call these people. The lady says are you K.L. Mcmahan. I said no I am K.E. Mcmahan. Then they lady says is your birthday 6/19 and I said no my birthday is 6/16. That is when it hit me. I said you have dead fathers stuff on my credit report! Thanks dad! everything about my father and is very similar.

Then my mom asked how everything else was going. That was when I let loose. Finally at the end of the conversation I said " Well I need to go get Ryan from school and then I am picking pizza up for dinner."

Fine I go and do that. I get to the pizza joint only to find out that I do not have my wallet! I have been driving around for three hours with no wallet!

So I call Rusty and have him bring it to me. In the mean time my mom calls back and asks me what my social security number is. So I give it to her. My mom said something else and I said oh don't worry about it, I can to pick up pizza and realized that I left me wallet at home. Hell if I had gotten pulled over I would have begged the officer to take me to jail. At least there I would not have to deal with all of this!

Today I need to start going through all of our stuff. I have already found a ton of stuff that I do not want to move again. Soon there will be nothing left to move.

Rusty told me that he is going to be working most of the time while all of this is going on. He has some big sales and will be working the weekends. I told him that was fine. I will just do it.

We also talked about Egypt. Rusty said no to me not going. The girls trips will be canceled and I will go. I am happy about this, but right now I have way to much on mind.

 

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pass the cheese

Main Entry: de·test Pronunciation: \di-'test, dē-\ Function: transitive verb Etymology: Middle French detester or Latin detestari; Middle French detester, from Latin detestari, literally, to curse while calling a deity to witness, from de- + testari to call to witness — more at testament Date: circa 1535

1: to feel intense and often violent antipathy toward : loathe2obsolete : curse, denounce

synonyms see hate

— de·test·er noun

Well go ahead and pass the cheese because I have enough whine for everyone.

See the definition of detest? That is how I feel right now. I totally detest everyone and everything in my life.

Rusty called me today and asked me if I would like to work in his warehouse. Hell yes I would. I can run a warehouse like no one’s business. Then it hit me I better really think about this before I say yes. So I told Rusty that we would talk about it.

I made a list of questions and when Rusty got home we talked about three out of the five questions. Of the three questions I asked the answer was no or I am not sure.

I guess there goes the idea of me working.

I would have to work around Ambers schedule. If Amber is working then I can’t work because no one will be here with Ryan. Can I take weeks at a time off while the girls are gone on their trips? Can I leave work at any time when the children are sick?

I detest Amber for moving on with her life and leaving me in her dust.

I detest Nikki for chasing all of her dreams and changing the world because I am stuck here.

I detest Ryan for making me stuck here.

I detest Rusty because while he is at work he gets to talk to other adults.

I detest George because all she does is call me with her problems and bitches.

I detest my sewing machine that has not been used in way over a month. I once loved to sew and now I do not even want to hear the hum of it.

I detest the 20 pounds I put on this year because I am now seeking comfort in food instead of exercise.

I detest my animals because they have no cares in the world and I have way to many cares.

I detest all of the other mom’s of the children going on the mission trip. Why is it that I can show up at every yard sale and run my ass off and then there are other mom’s do nothing.

I detest the fact I am sitting here in a house full of people and no one knows how I feel.

Well all of that was written last night. I struggled with weather or not to post it. However I decided to post it for two reason.

1. this is life.

2. maybe another mom is going through what I am going through and she won't feel so alone.

I can't spend any more energy on this negative stuff. This is the hand that was dealt to me.

I called regional center yesterday to see if they would help with child care cost, but they don't do that. Today I am going to call down to social services and see if they have any programs that would help for special day care for Ryan. I am going to keep looking until I have looked everywhere.

I need to call the distric nurse. The school has a program where they help children get glasses, so I am going to try to get Ryan on that program.

I have a quilt cut out and I actually got one lined done. Then I realized that it will not be enough to make a big quilt for a marine. I guess that is perfect since Nikki's best friend asked me when I was going to make her a quilt. She wants a little quilt, so I will use all the strips for that quilt.

I actually bought a book earlier this week that is really good. It is called the driven child, understanding the over achiever. I thought this might help me to understand Nikki. So far the book is very good.

I have a lot to get done today and I should get moving.

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the big bang

Yesterday was a very dull day here. I tried to do everything that needed to get done, but I could not find the motivation.

Sometimes dull is good, but yesterday it was not good. It gave me to much time to think.

Rusty said that he is glad that he can't read minds because he would be scared to know what I am thinking. Yesterday that would have been true.

Yesterday I so wanted to have a job. I just wanted to leave the house. I wanted to do something use full and productive. I wanted and still want to contribute to the household budget.

Then Rustys words kept coming back to me. "It's not worth it. By the time you pay taxes, gas and then child care for Ryan.... well you wont make any money."

Rusty is right. The thought of being stuck home all summer long does not make me happy. The stuff I would like to go do I can't/won't take Ryan with me. So I guess I just need to get use to being stuck at home.

Then I really thought about our budget. We are doing o.k. now. We have that income tax credit coming in this week, and I was going to put that money on the Egypt trips.

Egypt. The cradle of civilization. One of the oldest place in the world. A place full of history. A place I have decided not to go.

After doing a lot of soul searching I have decided to not go. I can't afford to send three of us to Egypt. So I will send the girls.

I have not told Rusty yet. I know this is going to blow that vein in his head. I can hear Rusty now.....No, the children not go so you can go. Why do you always give up your dreams for the children. Our children are spoiled.

Part of me agrees with Rusty. However the bigger part does not. When I was their age, I wished I had the opportunity to travel. Now that I am married with children I know that the opportunities' are not there. I want the girls to experience life before they get married and have children. That was a mistake I made.

I also know that education does not only take place in a class room. By the girls going to Egypt the will learn more and experience more then what a book can teach them.

I also know that opportunity only knocks once. Africa is a very unstable place. All women and children have been pulled from Kenya. Will Egypt be next? The girls need to go see this place before it becomes unsafe for them to be there.

As a mom I do not think I have the right to deny the children these opportunities.

Last night the kittens thought they were big cats. The climbed all the way up the stairs and climbed our blankets, so they could get into our bed!

I just had to laugh. I grabbed them and told them that they were not big cats and that they were still the babies. The kittens did not listen. The just crashed out on our bed.

Fostering has become the best thing I have ever fell into. Most days those little ones give me a run for my money, but I so enjoy it.

Well, I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I better get moving. Time march's on even if I want it to stop.

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my human foot print

 

There is a show on the Natgeo channel that I want to see. However we do not get that channel. The show is called the human footprint. So I went to their web page and was reading about the show, and that got me to thinking.

How will my one footprint affect the world. How will my daily routine affect my grand children?

Rusty and I differ on this subject. Rusty say's that one person can't change the world and I think one person can.

So since Nikki's birthday is on Earth Day and I was busy ...... here is my Earth day entry and how I am trying to change the world.

I reuse everything and Most people who know me know that to be true.

For Nikki's birthday

We reused milk jugs and made lemon aid in them.

The hotdog bun bags were brought home to be used for cat box cleaning.

Rusty brought home pallets for the bon fire. Usually they just throw them away.

My day to day seems so routine to me that I had to think about all I do to leave a good footprint. Here are just some of the things I do to help save the world and help save money.

All glass, can's and plastic bottles are recycled. I do not put them in our recycling can, I actually take them in for the money.

All plastic bottles are re used until there is nothing left of them.

I take my own green bags to the stores with me. Those plastic bags are made from oil, and they never break down.

Rusty and I have recycled toothbrushes. That is right. There is a company that make toothbrushes from recycled plastic and then if you send them back they will send you a new one for free!I will post the link at the end.

I save all boxes. Once I get a ton of them I post an add on craigs list for free moving boxes. I would rather see someone else use them before they are trashed.

I dig through our trash and I pull out the stuff that can be recycled. Rusty does not believe in recycling, so it is my job.

I buy pet food in bulk, so I reuse those bags as trash bags.

I have a few things that I still need to do. I need to figure out how to turn our sprinklers off. Our city is asking us to not water our lawns one day a week to help save water. I am thinking I can go two days a week.

So what does your human footprint look like? E mail me what you do and I will post all of them at once. Maybe together we can change the world.

 

http://www.reusablebags.com/

http://www.recycline.com/catalog/index.php

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the almighty $$

O.K. I am sick of the school system. Did you that there was  huge explosion here in the so cal? That was me!

Nikki's teachers have been calling me and they are all refusing to give her, her final exams early. The teacher I just spoke with came right out and said, "well it comes down to the almighty dollar. We loose money everyday that she is not in school."

O.K. let me get this straight. My daughter can not chase her dreams because the school might loose some money.

--- The state give the school $35 a day every day that our children are in school.

---The school gets $20 a day because our children are on free lunch. So they get $60 a day just for our children.

---The school gets an obscene amount of money because Ryan is in special ed.

--- Our elementary principals make over $100,000 a year!

--- I bet the pregnant girls get their exams early.

--- With all the money that school system gets for just our children they should be able to find Ryan a teacher.

So I have a call into the Karen down at the district office. I am not happy right now and I am going to let her know that.

Lets see...

Oh Nikki's future husband came home from Iraq this weekend! His name is Aaron. I love this guy. He has the same values as Nikki and I hope that these two do end up dating.

Any way, Nikki met up with Aaron family and they all went to the air port to pick him up. I am so happy for Nikki. However Aaron is only here for a month and then he has to go back to Iraq. I know Nikki will cry when he leaves. Then my heart will break, because once again we sending another young man to war.

This weekend we also took the last of the Marines down to 32 Naval station. They are gone and will be gone for 6 months.

Why do we as a nation send our young boys to war? I have been saying for years that I have a solution to this damn war.

I think we should take every women who has ever been done scorned, has bad pms and just in general hates men. Then send all of us to Iraq. I know that we would just go over there and end this thing right now.

Today holds more of the same shit. I am going to go through a few more boxes, and see what else I can get rid of. I have to go to the post office, but other then that I don't have to much going on.

I found out that we have 120 days to move once this house sells at auction. That is if the house sells. There is a loan of more then $500,000 on this house. So I guess we will find out around the 15 if this house sold or not. So we are sure how long we are going to be here.

 

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got to move again

Well are days of squatting here are numbered. I got a notice yesterday that the house is going to auction.

This does not come as a shock to me. We knew it was going to happen. We were just hoping for a little more time.

I am so thankful that our property manager let us stay here rent free for a few months. It really helped us get caught up on our bills and now we are in a better place.

One down side is that our property manager does not have anything open, so we have to start house hunting again.

That's o.k. I am going to stay focused on the positive. We got caught up on some bills, I have had time to go through our stuff and get rid of stuff.

Last night the kittens really surprised me by climbing all the way up the stairs. So now they are going to really keep me on my toes.

I talked to Rusty last night and he is doing o.k. Rusty just really hates all of these trips. He says that he does not sleep good, and the food sucks.

Today I am going to clean out the car and then I have to repack it because Nikki has a yard sale tomorrow. I may also go through some more boxes that we have not unpacked from the last move. If I have not missed the stuff in 4 months then chances are I don't need the stuff.

Well I better get dressed and get moving. I suddenly have a lot to do, so I need to get ready for the rat race.

a silent voice

When Rusty is gone I have to get up and do his morning routine. Today that meant getting all of the children up, dressed and out the door. On top of that I have to do my morning routine.

No big deal, I just drank more coffee.

Today I had to take Nikki to school. So while I was there I went into the attendance office to see why I keep getting phone calls about Nikki not being in two of her classes. Well it turns out that her name is not on the softball list so they think she is ditching on the days that she has to leave early.

O.K. I got the form to clear all of this up and then I walked over to the athletics department and talked to her coach. He is going to clear all of this up for me.

Now it is back to the attendance office to see about putting Nikki on independent study for the rest of the year. Nikki will be leaving for Pa. before her classes are over. Anyway, this lady was giving me the run around.

I got back into my car and drove down to the district office to talk to Karen. Karen not only handles special ed, but also the gifted students. I think I owe Karen lunch or something.

So after talking with Karen and telling her everything that is going on with Nikki her is what I now know. Nikki can take her finals early and Karen will contact all of her teachers. Karen is going to look into Nikki going on independent study for all of next year. Karen is also going to find out when they are giving the test so that Nikki can just test out of high school.

O.K. my brain hurts. Then it hits me. If Nikki passes the test to test out of high school that will mean one of two things. First I willhave two children in college next year. Second, Nikki may opt to go to the mission field and she will be gone for a year.

I am not going to jump the gun here or panic. Nikki has not taken the test, so for now I am going to keep my mind focused on what is going on right now.

I did not get any of the laundry folded yesterday. I guess it will get done when we all run of stuff in our drawers.

Yesterday is a balmy 69 degrees. Now this is cold for us. It was up over 100 just a few days ago. So I froze my ass off yesterday. On a good note, I did get to see Nikki hit her first home run of the season.

Well today I have a lot I need to get done, but I am just not motivated to get those things done. I think I will go walk the dogs instead. I need some fresh air and I need to clear my brain.

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