Wednesday, May 7, 2008

the big bang

Yesterday was a very dull day here. I tried to do everything that needed to get done, but I could not find the motivation.

Sometimes dull is good, but yesterday it was not good. It gave me to much time to think.

Rusty said that he is glad that he can't read minds because he would be scared to know what I am thinking. Yesterday that would have been true.

Yesterday I so wanted to have a job. I just wanted to leave the house. I wanted to do something use full and productive. I wanted and still want to contribute to the household budget.

Then Rustys words kept coming back to me. "It's not worth it. By the time you pay taxes, gas and then child care for Ryan.... well you wont make any money."

Rusty is right. The thought of being stuck home all summer long does not make me happy. The stuff I would like to go do I can't/won't take Ryan with me. So I guess I just need to get use to being stuck at home.

Then I really thought about our budget. We are doing o.k. now. We have that income tax credit coming in this week, and I was going to put that money on the Egypt trips.

Egypt. The cradle of civilization. One of the oldest place in the world. A place full of history. A place I have decided not to go.

After doing a lot of soul searching I have decided to not go. I can't afford to send three of us to Egypt. So I will send the girls.

I have not told Rusty yet. I know this is going to blow that vein in his head. I can hear Rusty now.....No, the children not go so you can go. Why do you always give up your dreams for the children. Our children are spoiled.

Part of me agrees with Rusty. However the bigger part does not. When I was their age, I wished I had the opportunity to travel. Now that I am married with children I know that the opportunities' are not there. I want the girls to experience life before they get married and have children. That was a mistake I made.

I also know that education does not only take place in a class room. By the girls going to Egypt the will learn more and experience more then what a book can teach them.

I also know that opportunity only knocks once. Africa is a very unstable place. All women and children have been pulled from Kenya. Will Egypt be next? The girls need to go see this place before it becomes unsafe for them to be there.

As a mom I do not think I have the right to deny the children these opportunities.

Last night the kittens thought they were big cats. The climbed all the way up the stairs and climbed our blankets, so they could get into our bed!

I just had to laugh. I grabbed them and told them that they were not big cats and that they were still the babies. The kittens did not listen. The just crashed out on our bed.

Fostering has become the best thing I have ever fell into. Most days those little ones give me a run for my money, but I so enjoy it.

Well, I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I better get moving. Time march's on even if I want it to stop.


lanurseprn said...

I am sorry you aren't going to Egypt. I thought maybe you were able to save the money for it while not having to pay rent. I know that is disappointing for you. I've always wanted to go there. I'm glad the girls are still going.
Had to laugh at the kittens. They are getting stronger each time you post!
Have a good day today.

lsfp1960 said...

I understand your feeling about not feeling worth will at home.  I went thru that when my son was about 4 (he'll be 37 in August). So I went to work part time, but when no one else was home...he had to go to the daycare.  So I did put money out of my few bucks an hour.  But how about this?   Is there a little one Ryan's age that you could do daycare for?  Maybe one of his little friends.  Even if it were only 2 or 3 days a week....he'd have someone to play with and you'd have some bucks of your own. Just a thought.  Linda in Washington state

monicasmemoirs said...

When I was younger my parents gave me the gift of travel - something I will always treasure and remember.  It's a shame you won't be going as that would be an experience of a lifetime!

Have you thought about what Linda suggested?  I did daycare to bring in extra money when my children were little.  It gave them playmates and me some extra spending money.  It's work and they will keep you on your toes! :-P  But, the hugs are worth it all.


deshelestraci said...

Now listen here, missy.  You are going to Eygpt.  You ARE going.  Not another word.  The money will come.

plieck30 said...

Hope some way some how you do get to go to Egypt but you are being very thoughtful of your children. Paula

julydarby said...

My co-worker, Whitney, took out a bunch of loans after college to be able to travel the world. She (wisely) knew that if she waited until she could afford to do it, she wouldn't be able to go. I had kids at 18... so... there wasn't time then... hopefully, soon, we will have time to travel. For Whitney, having that "world" experience really helps her in her job... she is able to relate to much older clients. I think it's definitely a great investment in your childrens' future. And I think that so much of what we do as parents is sacrifice... you would not be able to enjoy yourself if you went instead of them. I want you to go! But I understand why you would make the choice you're making...

nelishianatl said...

I made two missionary trips to Kenya for a total of one year there.  I am so glad I went.  I've had many people I knew harmed and displaced during the last year's political riots.  I understand your heart for your children so very well.  It's just sad though.  And being stuck at home all summer is a matter of perspective I guess.  Hopefully we can all come up with an idea to cheer you up.  I feel like that sometimes too.  
I've had a long bad day today but just wanted to pop over and say hey and let you know it won't always feel so trapping.  For me today it does but it comes and goes.


hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU))))))))))))))))))))I understand you want your kids to have everything,but you deserve to have something to.I want to see you go with your kids.But I do understand,you have to do what a Mother has to do,

glensfork4 said...

I know what you mean.....I do wish you could go, but I like you would rather them go & discover the Earth while it's available to do so and have the adventures to remember.


lurkynat said...

I so think you are great sweetheart for acrificing for the kids!
you go!

momiscool2 said...

How much do you need and when is the trip??? Maybe we can start a online fundraiser???????

I'd be all for it! You need to go with your girls! This is a trip of a life time -



helmswondermom said...

I hate that you've decided not to go to Egypt because I really, really think that you should go.  It's great that you are willing to make sacrifices so your girls get to experience so much by traveling, and you certainly can't be faulted for that.  But you need a nice trip/vacation.  I hope you change your mind.

cgtperkins said...

You should go. Maybe cut out other things somewhere so you all can go. You are so good to your kids...I hope they know how lucky they are to have you for a mom.