Yesterday was a very dull day here. I tried to do everything that needed to get done, but I could not find the motivation.
Sometimes dull is good, but yesterday it was not good. It gave me to much time to think.
Rusty said that he is glad that he can't read minds because he would be scared to know what I am thinking. Yesterday that would have been true.
Yesterday I so wanted to have a job. I just wanted to leave the house. I wanted to do something use full and productive. I wanted and still want to contribute to the household budget.
Then Rustys words kept coming back to me. "It's not worth it. By the time you pay taxes, gas and then child care for Ryan.... well you wont make any money."
Rusty is right. The thought of being stuck home all summer long does not make me happy. The stuff I would like to go do I can't/won't take Ryan with me. So I guess I just need to get use to being stuck at home.
Then I really thought about our budget. We are doing o.k. now. We have that income tax credit coming in this week, and I was going to put that money on the Egypt trips.
Egypt. The cradle of civilization. One of the oldest place in the world. A place full of history. A place I have decided not to go.
After doing a lot of soul searching I have decided to not go. I can't afford to send three of us to Egypt. So I will send the girls.
I have not told Rusty yet. I know this is going to blow that vein in his head. I can hear Rusty now.....No, the children not go so you can go. Why do you always give up your dreams for the children. Our children are spoiled.
Part of me agrees with Rusty. However the bigger part does not. When I was their age, I wished I had the opportunity to travel. Now that I am married with children I know that the opportunities' are not there. I want the girls to experience life before they get married and have children. That was a mistake I made.
I also know that education does not only take place in a class room. By the girls going to Egypt the will learn more and experience more then what a book can teach them.
I also know that opportunity only knocks once. Africa is a very unstable place. All women and children have been pulled from Kenya. Will Egypt be next? The girls need to go see this place before it becomes unsafe for them to be there.
As a mom I do not think I have the right to deny the children these opportunities.
Last night the kittens thought they were big cats. The climbed all the way up the stairs and climbed our blankets, so they could get into our bed!
I just had to laugh. I grabbed them and told them that they were not big cats and that they were still the babies. The kittens did not listen. The just crashed out on our bed.
Fostering has become the best thing I have ever fell into. Most days those little ones give me a run for my money, but I so enjoy it.
Well, I have a lot of stuff to get done today, so I better get moving. Time march's on even if I want it to stop.