Thursday, May 24, 2007

why bother


So today was much of the same. Get up, go pee, grab a cup of coffee, let the dogs out and feed all of the cats. Then I check all of my e mails, clean up around the house, and do whatever for the rest of the day.

Today I attempted to make that damn dog bed. The directions were still in Greek, and by the time I got done with with it, it did not look like the picture and I had pieces left over. I threw the whole damn thing away.

The kittens were very playful today so I took them outside while I pulled some weeds in the flower bed.

I did sew a few more pet quilts. I did not make dinner, I just told everyone to eat left overs.

Ryan had math home work tonight. 90% of it was wrong. I just left it. I am sick of beating my head against brick wall. The teachers are paid to teach him, not me.

Amber asked me if I picked her up some photo albums that she had asked for. I told her no.

Amber then said " why do you even bother to get dressed when you do not leave the house for weeks on end?" Good question. Why bother?

I am in such a rut. I do the same shit everyday. I have no adult conversation during the day. By the time Rusty gets home he is so tired that eats something, plays a computer game and then goes to bed.

Tonight I had to wonder what could we talk about? Rusty does not want to hear about my day. He does not care that I cleaned the bathroom and took the kittens out to play. Why bother?

I know, I know. I am so very lucky to be married to a man that does not care what I do. I know that I am blessed to not have to work. I know, I know I know.

I guess I am just wondering when my life will stop revolving around my children. I so want to start living my life. I have been a mom since I was 19 and I am ready to go find a life that does not revolve around my children. Yes I am being greedy. But that is what I want.

Oh well the Tylenol p.m. is starting to kick in. and Lord knows that tomorrow I will get up and be mom all over again.


ukgal36 said...

we all have days like that and smart arse comments from our kids don't help!! you are just having a bad day girl!! Get up get your game face on and do what you do YOU!!!
you are an exceptional wife and mother and they really do appreciate you even if they don't always show it...

deshelestraci said...

I'm with Lyn on this one.  It is only for a while that we are parenting.  It does sometimes seem like forever though!  Chin up!  The kittens and the kids and the hubby do need you and love you.  
Sorry about the dog bed. I took a sewing class once.  There was a part the teacher showed us how to do.  When I said Hey that's not in the directions, she said Oh you just have to "know" these things!  So much for learning about sewing.

louiseb411 said...

Sorry you are having a bad day. You could get Rusty some more of that Whisky, that might do the trick! Love Louise

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((HUGSOYOU)))))))))))))))))))))))I am sorry you are in a rut,I get like that sometimes,alot.But,I know its not easy being a MOm and I understand you wanting to get out there and have soe fun,you deserve it.I hope that you can find time to have some free time for yourself,go out and have some fun.But I also know your family loves you and needs you.I hope your day is a better day.By the way,I wrote some addys down and I usllay put there journal name by it and I belive you sent me yours,could you send it to me again?Thanks so much.Have a nice dya.

plieck30 said...

Hope you had a good nights sleep and find something of interest to do today. Maybe go steal some flowers. Paula

seraphoflove9001 said...

Yep...I know that one! I was 18 when I became a mom. We grew up together. Now a grandmother. When I was growing up...I had 2 half sisters to take care of! ggrr! My youngest sister is 36 and is pregant! She is slow, has the mind of a 13 year old. She calls ME because thats whats she used to doing....not our mother, who she still lives with. ggrr! Never ending! I wish you the best of luck hon. :o)
Hugs to you. :o)

lisa41076 said...

Kelli, hope your day gets better, Hugs Lisa

gehi6 said...

Now I am enjoying those twilight years and the kids are all raised and the grandchildren don't even need a tender.  Or I am now to old to tend, so there is a freedom to life that was never there before.  My sister is still tending her grands day and night, so she is not free as a bird as I am.  Doc is a good companion for my adventures.  So take heart and try to find some little pleasures until they are up and gone which will happen all too soon.  I think you do a pretty good job of finding some entertainment.  I used to read a lot.  I still do. It takes me to worlds where I have never been  Today I have been reading a book called The Blue Bear.  They are up in Alaska looking for this bear.  I feel I am right there with them.  What an adventure. Sometimes I am up in the Himalayas with them, while they are climbing to the top of the world. What with journals and books and film I have alot to entertain me.  Gerry  

helmswondermom said...

I feel the same sometimes, believe it or not!  I am very glad to be home, and I love home schooling now, but sometimes I do feel like I must be the most boring thing around.  I guess that's one reason I love j-land so much, and writing in my own journal.