Monday, February 12, 2007

so sad

I am not sure if I am suppose to be mad or sad or both. Right now I am feeling sad.

Some of you have been reading my journal for a while and you know that my mother and I have long standing issues. In the past I have tried to let them go, but not any more.

Tonight I called her to ask when she had gotten tickets to go see this play that she wants to take the children to. * my mom lives in Chicago and the children will be going out there for a visit this summer*

Then she asked me how my back was. I told her that I ended up in the ER. Then she just let loose on me. saying things like " I told you to go get an mri done, I told you that you would be in a lot of pain".

I just ended the conversation right there. I told her that I would e mail all the info on the children's flight.

What the heck? We do not have medical insurance on me. I cannot just go and get all of these test done!

I am sick of being the child that she had to make my dad happy. If this had happened to my sister she would have flown half way around the world for her. I get NOTHING! Not even so much as " are you feeling better?"

I told Rusty about this and he said "Well baby I love you and I will fly around the world for you" I so love that man.

The time has come for me to cut my mom off. I once cut her off for almost 5 years. I would allow her to talk to the children but I would have nothing to do with her. I think that time has come again. I am a person that deserves to be loved and not put down. My own mother causes me to much stress so it is time to let her go

11 comments:

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwwwwwww Kelli, sending big hugs to you  (((((((((((((((Kelli)))))))))))))))) Hang in there friend hope everything works out, Hugs Lisa

seraphoflove9001 said...

Kelli....I'm so sorry. Sending hugs and good vibes your way.
Lisa
http://journals.aol.com/seraphoflove9001/Pleasedonttakelifeforgranted/

beckerb6 said...

Awww I am so sorry Kelli, you are a wonderful person and you don't deserve to be treated that way.
Barbara

cgtperkins said...

Aw Kelli I am so sorry that your mom has hurt you like this. Sometimes "cutting someone off" is the only solution to sanity and happiness. That is great that you are going to let the children see her. Wow....kudos Rusty for being a true husband and friend!!!
Hugs
Carrie

mrsm711 said...

Im not a big one on my mother.  Me and mine do not communicate and I never will again.  Too much agony.  She never helped me - EVER - with anything in my whole life.  Hence my private journal "My Amazing Journey"  I am better off without her.  I hope you make the right decision if and when you choose to not communicate with her.  Either way it will hurt.  
http://journals.aol.com/mrsm711/LatteDah/     Tracy

ukgal36 said...

I am sorry about your Mum.. that is just so sad...
Lyn

hsauls said...

I think, it's not so much that you need to cut her off but you need to stop allowing her reactions to control your emotions. What she says and does is not a surprise so don't let it wound you. My mother makes all of my trials and tribulations her cross to bear and will act as if she is the one suffering... OR she has to one-up me and compete... her problems are so much bigger than mine and so on... and whatever happens to me is always MY fault. You just need to take away her power. Obviously she is not putting your best interests at heart so stop valuing her opinion. Seriously. Know who you are... don't let her upset you.
*hugs*
heather

bethjunebug said...

Kelli, just pray through this. Pray for your mom. Sounds like she is a miserable soul. So she wants everyone to be the same. But Sweety, God wouldn't want you to cut her off. You might be the only path to Him. You don't have to call her, but for very important things. Communicate in different ways. If your conversations on the phone always ends bad, just don't call, send your information and communications in a card in the mail. Is your mom saved? If not pray for her to get saved, this always changes people. If it doesn't they truely have not ask Jesus Christ into there heart. Pray that God gives you peace of heart and comfort you when you feel bad about your mom. If you harbor bad feelings towards your mother it will affect you, physically, mentally, spiritually, also it can make you bitter. Which will cause you in the future to act like your mom to others. Don't let the devil win this. PRAY ! PRAY ! PRAY !
God Bless,
Liz in Va.
http://journals.aol.com/bethjunebug/Bethjunebug

springangel235 said...

That is so sad...hope things can be resolved soon...hope the kids have a safe trip...hugs,
Joyce

donxging said...

I don't usually comment, but I think down deep your Mom is worried about you, that's why she wants you to have the tests done but you have to handle it the way you see it.  Ginger

helmswondermom said...

It's sad, but you have to think of yourself and your family.  You can't be the best for them if you are stressed out by your mom.  You know you've tried and tried, so you don't have to feel guilty about that!
Lori
http://journals.aol.com/helmswondermom/DustyPages