Friday, March 3, 2006

just wondering

So Today Rusty asks Amber why she wants to marry a marine. Ambers exact words were " because you make mom so happy".

Well that got me thinking. Which at 2 a.m. is not a good thing.....anyway. So is it Rusty or the marines that make me happy? Well it sure as hell was not the marines.

Has Amber forgotten all of the tears I have cried. The tears I cried every time I saw the flight line at March. The tears I cried when I would send a package. The tears I cried when I would see a marine and want to spit on him! Just because he was here and Rusty was not. What about the tears I have shed when there was no money for Christmas or new shoes. Does Amber not remember picking me up off a gym floor when I got the news that my husband was just ordered into war.....again? What about the tears I cried when rusty had his heart attack and the find out that it the Navy's fault.  The list of all the times I have cried is endless.

So then why did Amber not see these tears? Did I do a good job of hiding my tears, or does she just wish to see the good times?

Rusty is what makes me happy, not the marine corps. Now don't get me wrong I love all of my marines and I sure as hell know every word to the marines hymn, but it is Rusty who make me happy.

Maybe, as a mom, I have finally done something right. I have sheltered my children from my pain.

Anyway, My boss called an office meeting today. We are getting ready to get slammed for the next two months. He said that if we ride this out he will give all of us a $2 an hour bonus at the end of the season! Well hell, I was going to finish out the season anyway, but the extra money will be nice.]

I finally got the tire on the car fixed. We have just been putting it off since we now own three cars! Anyway it was suppose to be as simple as getting a new rim and tire put on. Oh no that would be way to easy! Some damn part was ready to break in half which would have caused me to loose my breaks! I have only been saying that the car has been driving funny for months now,...... I am going to my happy place....... I am so thankful that I blew the tire out and that the problem is now fixed. Once again karma has a grip on my life.

Well Ishould get to be since I have to be up in a few hours.

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