Wednesday, September 13, 2006

why am I awake?

I have no idea why I woke up at 4:22 a.m., but here I sit.

I did get my sewing machine to work, howevewr I think it is on its last leg. I did mention that if Santa wanted to bring me a new sewing machine that I would not bitch to much!

Sex. Well after I got into the bed last night I got me some! LOL As soon as I hit the bed I was like hmmmm. I must admit that sex is so good when you have not had it in a while!

Should I be doing something productive? But what can I do if everyone else is sleeping? I guess I will go start the laundry.

We must get the bathroom finished today. We just need to put up the vent covers and hang the mirror. Tile is still away out there.

So last night I mentiioned to Rusty tht I had talked to my mom. She said that she did o.k. on her first day back at work. However she did say that Kailey is not dealing well with her grandpas passing. Good. I had wished that upon her. When my mom asked how the girls were doing and I told her that they were doing good, she then said well that is because they are not here dealing with it. What kind of comment is that?

My mom also told me that if I want to go to Mexico and help spread some of my dad ashes to please let her know. I was also told that kailey would not be there. Rusty thinks that I should go. I do not want to go. I do not feel the need to go scatter my dads ashes.

Rusty kept saying that I should go. So finally I asked him how it felt to last BOTH of his parents to last year. He said that it felt like crap. So I asked him why he thinks I should go to Mexico just to feel like crap?

I did get on line and look at air fare, but I am not going to go.

I think I am going to try to go back to bed and to get some sleep.

5 comments:

seraphoflove9001 said...

I'm glad to hear that you got your sewing machine working. It sounds like you've been a good girl this year, so maybe Santa might bring you one! :o) That is horrible on how your mom treats your girls so very different....your daughters are grieving as well. She should have shown some kind of compassion for them as well.
Lisa

nelishianatl said...

Your mother seems so detached from your daughters, not connected at all.  I wouldn't go to Mexico either.  I woke up at 4:30am this morning and haven't been able to go back to sleep either.  I'm sorry for you and your daughters for I believe you are indeed grieving and your mom thinks it's supposed to look a certain way.  Everybody is different.  Her remarks should have been best left unsaid.  HUGS
Nelishia

helmswondermom said...

I agree with Nelishia.  Don't go, if you don't wnat to, but make sure you are allowing yourself to grieve in your own way.
Lori

cgtperkins said...

OMG Kelli, I woke up this morning at 4:22 and you and your girls and your mom were on my mind!! How weird. If you don't wanna go to Mexico then don't, but I do hope you are allowing yourself to grieve! Have a good day!
Carrie

lv2trnscrb said...

I wouldn't go to Mexico unless you absolutely wanted to. Don't let anyone guilt you into going.

(remember, you are grieving, so I would imagine certain things like sex and other things might be difficult at times)

betty