Thursday, September 14, 2006

will someone please

Will someone please give me a life! I told Rusty today that I am going to scream if I have to spend one more in this house. I have not gotten dressed or done my hair all week. I have done nothing but sit around this house.

So Rusty is like well what do you want to do? I want to go hiking or go explore a new place. I want to get out in the fresh air and do something.

Then Rusty says well we will have to wait for the girls to get home so they can watch Ryan. Well I can't wait until the girls get home because then Amber has to go to work and Nikki will have something to do.

I guess I should explain. We have a handicap son. So we are very limited on what we can do unless we have a sitter for him.

I must be a bad mom because I suggested that we start looking for someone to come in a few days a week and care for him just so that we can go do something.

Everytime I suggest we do something they question comes up, then what will we do Ryan. So we never do anything.

o.k. Rusty gets to do stuff. He went out and watched football with the guys or he will go do whatever. Guess who is left at home?

I guess I am being selfish because I want to start living my life instead of being tied down....forever.

Rusty got to travel the world and do cool shit while he was in the service. When will it be my turn to do cool shit?

Oh forget it. I guess I am the only mom in the world that wants someone else to watch their handicap child so they can have a life.


lv2trnscrb said...

(((Kelli))) I truly understand this!! (you know, I don't know what you believe about God, but I truly think He orchestrated me to your journal). I have a handicapped 21-year-old daughter; long story, won't share it here. Both of my kids are adopted. She has cerebral palsy; mainly affecting her right side. I TRULY UNDERSTAND how you feel. You need to get respite care.... it is overwhelming to be the caregiver 24 hours a day. You need some time to get out and be "free". That doesn't mean you don't love your son, it just means for your own health and sanity, you need some "me time". Hire someone; look into someone. Believe you me, you need it.  My daughter also had mental health issues which were worse than the physical issues and I told someone in the health profession when they kept "demanding" I do this and that for her that I was sooo burnt out and that no one ever thought of me or the family, it was just her needs, etc and that when she turned 18, I could imagine myself giving up on her. And you know, in a round about way, that was what happened because I could no longer guarantee that I could keep her safe from hurting herself (she had suicidal tendencies) so after a series of things, she is safe in a group home. But that's not how it should be.


email me...........I'm here for you sweetie. I understand totally...............


seraphoflove9001 said...

Oh hon.....You are NOT a bad mom! You need to get out and do things for yourself! Get a babysitter and go! There's nothing wrong with that. :o) Nor is it wrong to have someone come in to help during the week. Hugs to you! :o)

jeadie05 said...

No I dont thinkyour selfish at all ,you give all your time to the kids ,but do deserve some quality time for your self ,.,.,.,Jan xx

cgtperkins said...

Oh Kelli your not being selfish at all. You need time and to get out and about too. Having someone come in is a great idea! Dont feel bad or like you are a bad mother at all!! ....hugs.....Carrie

helmswondermom said...

Not selfish.  Everyone needs some downtime; everyone needs to get out once in a while.

nelishianatl said...

There's no way that's selfish.  Making time for yourself makes you a better mom than the martyrs.  And Rusty can go and do cool stuff because he already has a babysitter he can count on.  YOU.  He needs reminded that you are a woman first, then a mother.  He can't take you for granted unless you let him.  Get a babysitter and go do something fun!

lindachapmanuk said...

you are not being selfish. If you don't get time for yourself you will go nuts! that's terrible to feel like that, I hope someone can help you get out of the house...Linda xx