a day filled with love

Today was such a nice day! I took Rusty out to buy a model to build. Rusty said that is was beginning to go stir crazy, so this model should help keep his hands busy.

Then we took a nap. That's right a nap. I loved just laying there next hima nd being able to hold him and touch him. Just being able to lay next to Rusty is a turn on. Now that might sound sick or strange, but now that I realize that life is short, the little things mean a lot to me.

Once it cooled off this evening Rusty worked on his model and I actually got to work on the tub! I am just about done with getting the rust off! My neighbor, Alex, is going to bead blast the feet for me! So soon it will be ready to be primed. I am not going to paint the tub until I am ready to install it, but I am just happy to be working on it again.

Tonight I actually soaked in the tub! It felt so good to chill. Life is good.

I did tell Rusty tonight that if nothing happens to Hazel, then I am walking away from the post for good. I do not want to be around when Hazel is mean to someone else. Rusty said that he understood, and that was the end of that.

I need to try to find someone who can fix the air conditioner in Rusty's truck. Wou;dent you know it would give up the ghost when we need it! Rusty doed not handle the heat at all, so he cant drive his truck. I know that someone nice will come our way and that they will fix it. I just need to wait.

Well in the a.m. we have to go see the vet. rep and then in the afternoon Rusty has a doc. appointment. It looks like we will have another day of running,but that is o.k. Rusty and the children are doing great, so life is good.

stronger then ever

Today I went and had coffee with a friend. It was nice to get out and just hang with a girlfriend. After we had coffee we went to a clothing exchange. I scored a lot of nice clothing for free.

Then I went to wal crap to get the children a slip and slide. It has been so blazing hot here and I figured that they could use some relief. While at wal crap I found some awesome material with dragonfly's on it. So I am going to make myself something special out of the material.

I am working on a very simple quilt as a thank you gift for one of our friends who was there for us when the chips were down. Rusty and this guy go way back.

I am going to go to the distric meeting for the v.f.w. just so I can ask this Jack Smith guy what he said to Hazel and ask him if he would put it into writing. I want Hazel removed from the post as a bar tender. I am no longer worn out and stressed out, so my mission now is to make Hazel's life a living hell.

Rusty had a good day, but he still cannot be in the heat and he still gets worn out after very little walking. I know all of this will change, but I am glad that he resting so that his heart can heal.

I called my parents today and my dad is hanging in there, He is still sick, he still cannot feel the ground below his feet, and he is still....... well he is hanging in there. My mom asked me how I was doing and I told her that I am now well rested, and stronger then ever. I am ready to take on the world again. Life is good.

My boss called me yesterday and asked me if I would want to come back to work. I jumped at the chance! Rusty is not happy, but he will get over it. Rusty hates my job bcause I work in the heart of the ghetto, and because it is nights, and because my boss has been shot at, and because there was an attempted stabing there a few months ago. However my boss pay's me cash and it is good money. We can use the money to pad our savings account and to get the girls ready to go back to school. Life is not easy, and I have to do what I have to do.

While Rusty was in the hospial he asked me to call his mother. I did not. I actually had a friend call her. I told Rusty tonight. Rusty was not upset. I just explained to him that I could not handle her at the time. She would have been no use to me. She cannot handle all three of the children and the last thing I need is her stressing the rest of us anymore. Rusty said that he understood and he said that he would call here, however I am hoping that he just never gets around to it. Is that mean? Or just the truth.....which might be mean? who knows.

Well I am off to bed. It has been an awesome day!

great day

Today was another good day. I am sure glad that it was a good day because I need some.

I finished a baby quilt for the lady down the street. I do not know Jeanne very well, but last Christmas she sent down some home made goodies. Well last week she stopped by to take Ryan to v.b.s. Anyway I told her that I can not even cook slice and bake! This is true. I burn slice and bake cookies. So we got a good laugh. Well today I went down to her house and told her that I may not be able to bake, but that I could sew, and I handed her the quilt. She was in tears. I am glad that the quilt made her happy. It is just a little thing that I like to do....sew quilts

The girls off at a youth group get together, so I took Rusty and Ryan out for ice cream. We have not actualy gone out for ice cream in a long time.

In the morning I am going to run away with a friend. We are just going to go hang out and do nothing. I love hanging out with girlfriend and doing nothing.

I must say that I think I want to smoke because now I am putting on weight! oh well I am sure I will lose it. I am back to walking two miles a day, and next week I am going to start lifting weights again. I need to get into my old work out.

Well I am off to work on another quilt. I have never done this pattern before so we will see how it turns out.

awesome day

Today was just so great! Rusty is doing so much better and he even got to drive today! We went out to dinner....just the two of us.

I really have not gotten anything else done today. I just wanted to be happy and to be with my family.

So I think I am going to go do more of that.

I need a smoke!

Today was a really calm day, But man sometimes I just need a smoke! I am still not smoking but the cravings are so bad some days.

Tonight after the children leave, I am goiong to take my letter of complaint over to Doug. I hope Hazel gets her ass fired!

Rusty is doing much better today. He is much more balanced today, and not as moody. I know that the road to recovery is going to be long, but I am glad that today was easy.

One of my girlfriends just called me and asked how I was doing. I told her that I was doing good today, but Rusty said something to me that made me sad. I asked him to go out with me for a little bit and he said no because he is sick of people staring at him like he is some freak. So Elli and I are going to take him out and kick everyones ass! We will just tell them that we ae in anger management classes! LOL

So anyway, I am going to go chill and work on this baby quilt! Today has been a good day and I weathered the storms of yesterday. I am still standing.

when does it end?

What a day. I felt good whn I woke up this morning and was looking foward to a good day. Instead I had a day filled with tears.

Today was the funeralfor the girls friend ( the youth pastors son). What a sad event. This was the first time the girls went to a funeral for someone their own age. Amber really took it hard. Everytime she cried I wanted to take her pain. The girls wanted to go to the grave yard, but Ithought it would be to much for them.

A few years ago someone called me a light house. She said that I seem to stand strong when the storms of life hit me. Is that how I appear to people? A rock? Well then I must be doing a good job of fooling people or the people are not looking behind closed doors. The last few weeks I have weathered the storms and I am still standing, but I almost crumbled under the preasure. I thank God for friend who held me up and took a lot of the preasure off of me.

I heard a new saying today, and I think I need to make it one that I should live by. The saying goes like this..."here is my shoulder, come and lean on it". I have learned a lot the last few weeks and I can always be a friend by lending someone a shoulder to lean on.

Well I still want to work on the bath tub and get the yard tilled, but I am still waiting. One of these day's I will have the time to do what I want but for now my family needs me. So my families need's must come first.

Ryan is no longer talking to me. He will not talk to me for any reason. I am back to square one. Is it because he blames me for "taking" Rusty. Or does he .... who knows. For now I am just blowing it off, he will eventually stop being mad for something I did not do. I have to laugh.... I do know that he is mad at me because I now make him do more work around here. But then again all of the children are doing more work around here, so I am not picking on him.

Rusty booked us a two night stay on the queen mary! It is not for a few moths, but I am looking foward to it. I have been wanting to see the queen mary.

Are random acts of kindnes still random acts of kindnes if you tell someone about them? Amber was with me when I did something totally unexpected. She was just in shock and asked me how often I do nice things for other people. I just smiled and told her that she will never know. My children will never know just how much I do for strangers, and I dont feel that they have that right. I guess this is something that my family does nothave to know about. I am not hiding anything, but I dont them to think that I am bragging.

Well I am going to go get this house cleaned up a little more and then go for a walk. Rusty begs me to take rascle when I walk, he says that it is for her, but I think that it makes rusty feel better.

I thought I would have my picture taken today since I do not have black circles under my eyes.

Anger

For some reason Rusty has been getting very angry with me the last few days. Someone we knows says that this is natural, But how much anger am I suppose to take?

Our friend told me that his anger is coming from the fact that I must now do just about everything for him.. Rusty cannot even drive right now, he still gets winded after only a few steps and I must sit with him when he showers. OH He also has no sense of balance, so he is very unstable, even with his cain.

Now dont get me wrong, I do not mind doing everything for him. I love him and I will do anything for him, for as long as it takes.

Another thing that really bugs me is that Rusty will not even touch me when we go to bed. I am not talking about sex, I am talking about a hug or something like that. Whats up with him not wanting to touch me? Have I done something wrong?

Who knows? what I do know is that I love him and I will wait for him and help him for as long as he needs me to.

pondering a few things

Growing up I always had family  and friends around. My mom was an only child, but my father was number 2 out of 7! My sister and I would spend our summers with many relatives. Our "family" was also made up of close friends that would often stop by and hang out.

I grew up not to far from Chicago. For fun we would run the streets of chicago. The good streets and the not so good streets. I learned fast how to get by! LOL

Last year Rusty and I met a gentlemen named James Bond, and yes that is his real name! James also grew up in chicago, and we even ran the same streets and ate at the same places. Needless to say, james and I hit it off.

James learned quick that everything is fair game at the Nelson house. If you are hungry the you better raid the fridge before someone else does. So the other night James did just that. James took out a whole roasted chicken and just started eating it. There was no need for a fork, or a plate..... yes he ate the chicken right out of the container. Then I joined him. We must have stood in the kitchen picking at this chicken for about a half hour. Keep in mind that while we are eating there are a ton of children running in and out of the house.

The next day James called me and told me how much he enjoyed that evening. He said it reminded him of the old neighborhood. That felt good to me. It meant that I am still down to earth even if I live in the land of fruits and nuts. It means that when the chips are down our home is filled with people that love us. It means that when someone does you wrong the rest of your "family" will be there and will kick the ass of anyone who tries to hurt you.

So when James called the post and gave a Hazel a good talking to I was not shocked at all. I have since learned that James has pissed Hazel off, but I will not be loosing sleep over that!

I did however write a letter to the post complaining about how I was treated by Hazel. I was told that I had to be there for the meeting, because Hazel has a right to face to her accuser. What I really want to do is take her out back and just kick the shit out of her, but I am growing as a person and I am trying to do things the right way.

Rusty and I actually slept all night. Rusty is feeling so much better and he is starting to get around a little more. Today he walked to the end of the street and back, I know it is no that far, but I am so proud of him for trying to get back to normal.

Rusty is also feeling useless right now. He feels like he should be up doing something. And actually there is a lot he wants to get done, but it can wait. I know how hard it must be on him to do nothing!

Well I have started a new baby quilt for this lady down the street. I have never done this design before, so I hope she likes it.

I am going to go finish sewing and finish enjoying a very quiet day.

very slow day

I am just so happy that Rusty is home! We have not really done anything and that is so cool with me. I am just happy to see him sitting on the sofa.

I had to go out again and buy some more heart healthy food. I was so shocked at how easy it is to find those foods. A lot of the packages now have the big red heart on them.

Well the sign is still on our door! So far no onr has brought booze or smokes into the house, and it will stay that way. I dont care what people say about me, because until they have walked in my shoes they will never know I scared I was, and how greatful I am for another chance to spend my life with Rusty. Now I know..... not all booze is bad for you, however when it says on the warning not to drink......then that is what it means.

I think I am going to go do a little cleaning and then try chill before I have to cook dinner. Today is a slow day and that is fine with me!

good news/bad news

Rusty got to come home yesterday and was sure good to bring him home! We spent the evening chillin, and having friends stop by.

Then we find out that one of Ambers friends got killed. To top it off, it was the son of the youth pastor that brought us dinner. Rusty said to me, am I here, so he could die? Well anyway, I need to call the church and find out what the familt needs. We will help them just like they have helped us.

So today I am going to clean up the house and just chill the rest of the day. Now that rusty is home I can catch up on all of the sleep that I had been missing, and maybe even eat a little extra.

I am so ready to get on with living, so that is what I am off to do. OH this is day 2 of me going cold turkey.

so ready

I have to leave here in a few hours to go get Rusty! I am washing the sheet's so that he can snuggle down into clean sheets. I cleaned the car out yesterday, but I need to stop and run the vac. over it. I am just so happy!

Let's see... tomorrow would be one week since all of this started. I am just glad that it is coming to an end. I want to sleep next to Rusty, and eat with him. Most of all I just want to be close to him without machine making noise, or nurses coming in. I want a nice calm life.

I need to go jump into the shower. I dont think Rusty wants to come to a nasty smelling person! LOL I am so looking foward to this day.

a really good day

Well it looks like Rusty will be coming home in the morning. I am just so happy! I want him to come home, so that I can love on him and take care of him. This home is not complete with out him.

I saw Brock again today and he was full of energy. This little boy just really brought me back to reality. I got to talk with Brock's mom today and it was good to talk to someone who really did understand what I was going through. The guilt of having children at home while you are at the hospital, and the guilt of being at home while your loved one is in the hospital. It was just nice to talk to someone who really understood.

Rusty sent me home from the hospital so that I could spend time with the children. I tried to take a nap but that was pointless because the phone rang off the hook. I then had to run some more papers down to the v.f.w. This time people were real nice to me. Then I went to walmart and got some stuff to help make Rusty more comfortable once he gets home.

The girls have ben making a lot of jewerly and they are getting real good at it. I am glad that the two of them have found something that they can do together.

Well I am past empty and I dont really know how I am making it, but I am. I must say that we have found who are friend are....again. After all a friend is someone who walk's in when the rest of the world walks out. So many people have helped me, and I know that I will never be able to say thankyou enough. Life is good even if I am running on empty.

I put a sign on the door today that said no smoking or drinking. Rusty and I are both kicking the habbit of smoking! I do not want to go through this again!

I am going to try to get some sleep, after all the love of my life will home in the morning, and we can really get back to living.

wide awake

Well it is almost 6 a.m. and I am wide awake. I cant really do alot since the children are still sleeping.

I just talked to Rusty and he is doing good! They finally got the thing out of his leg, but now he has a band on his leg. Rusty say's that he does not care about that, because at least now he can move around and sit up and do some stuff. The p.t. will be up sometime this morning, and they are going to get him up and walking! Also all of his i.v.'s will be out today. I think I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

Here is something a little strange that Rusty and I were talking about. I asked him if he could hear me when he was in the coma. He said no, but he does remember our friend James voice. I asked him how he knew that he had his own quilt. See, I brought up a quilt that I made for him and covered him up so that if he came out of the coma he would know that I had been there. Rusty fought with a nurse when she tried to take the quilt off of him! He said that he just knew that that was his quilt, even when he was in the coma. That is really strange! So I guess people in a coma do know a little bit about what is going on around them.

well, I think I am going to go get into the shower, and then some more cleaning done around here. I am so looking foward to seeing Rusty today ( and everyday) But today is going to be a really good day!

so much for doing my hair

So the children wanted to talk to Rusty this morning so I called his room, only to to fund out that they had taken him for the die test already! So much for doing my hair all nice. I had to bolt out the door.

Well we got the hospital that we wanted. the v.a. transfered him to a hospital across the street!Rusty had the balloon put in his heart and he came out of that with flying colors. What a relief. Rusty had 95% blockage. So he will have to be on meds for a long time to prevent anything from clotting he balloon.

I am on empty right now. I am just worn out. I dont know how much longer I can keep juggling all of this. Spend time with the children, go see Rusty, clean up the house, answer phone calls..............Lord give me the strength to make, because I cant break down now.

So I get this message on the machine that Nikki did something funny today, so I called the house to find out what was going on. It seem that Nikki caught a bat! A BAT. Then she brought it in the house and it got loose, so she had to catch it again! The things our children do when we are not around.

Today I was in the cafiteria waiting on a sandwich when this little boy walks up to me and says that is a cute dog. I have a purse with a dog on it and he was pointing to it. So, I got down on his level and we talked for a while. He told me about his dog, and how he could not play ball this year. Then I introduced myself, and he " hi I am brock and I have cancer, but I get to go home in the morning!" What a reality check for me. So I went to the gift shop and bought a live strong band, so everytime I see it I will think of him.

I still need to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, run the sweeper, load the dishwaser, and clean the hallway bathroom. Oh, and I got to pack some snacks for Rusty. Well there is no sense in talking about it, I better go get some of it done, so that I can get some sleep.

good morning

I think I am cought up on sleep. I feel so good this morning. I feel very strong and ready to take on another day.

I called Rustylast night before I went to bed and he said that they were going to give him a sleeping pill. Good. He needs to rest and I know that he is very uncomfortable. I wish that I stay with him all night.

I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love him. One of these day's I hope that our children have this same type of love.

Last night Amber said that Rusty being in the hospital is worse them him being in Iraq. WOW! She said that at least if Rusty was in Iraq he could e mail us and call us. These girls are still scared to death. I wish that I could take all of thier fear away. I would carry the burden if I could.

I feel so good today! I think I am actually going to do my hair up real nice for Rusty. I know that he would like that.

very good day

Well when I went to see Rusty today, we were told that he would be in i.c.u. for one more day and then moved to a regular floor until a bed opened up at the v.a. So that was cool with us. We knew that it was going to be a waiting game. Then a few hours later the nurse walks in and say's get ready we got you a bed and you leave in an hour!

Now Rusty is at the v.a. with some of the best heart doctors around!!! I am so glad. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. So now we are waiting for the die test. If there is only one blockd artery then they are going to push all the crap out. If the is more then one then he will go in for open heart surgery. Either way, he is in good hands.

Today the members of the post came by and stocked our freezer and pantry with food that the children can fix. What a blessing.

I really need to let go of the anger that I hold tword the one lady that pissed me off. I should not let her cloud of doom come into my sunshine. I dont know why but I hold a grudge for a very long time.

I talked to our friend Jason tonight and he was very happy to hear about Rusty. Jason said that he does not know how I do it. You want to know how I do it? because I dont have a choice. If I dont do it then who will?

another friend called us from Italy tonight. He is good to talk to old friends. I sometimes forget how good it is to just sit and talk.

I am going to spend the morning at home, and then head up to the hospital about 11. I am really looking foward to spending some more time with the children. I hate having to juggle who I can se and trying to think about how I can divide up my time, but for now that is what I have to do. I really miss having my whole family at home.

oh well. oh I need to eat something and then I am going to go to bed. I am hoping for a good nights sleep.

thinking

Well it is 3 a.m. here and I am up. My clock is so messed up. I should get dressed and go see Rusty, but I am going to do some stuff around here first.

The girls have been awesome about helping with the house, so there is only a little bit of cleaning to do. So... oh I dont know. My thought's are so random. So much has happened that I dont know where to start.

I am still pissed off about what that lady said to me. The truth of the matter is we will be broke by next month. I am really hoping that disability and unemployment start soon. I can call my old boss and go back to work, but then the whole family will be put on hold including Rusty. But I will do what I have to do. So I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Last night I allowed the girls to see Rusty for a few min. Amber was so scared, but she walked right in and gave rusty a hug and they talked. Then it was Nikki's turn to see Rusty. She stood by he nurses station just crying. She was so scared that if she walked into the room that Rusty would die. After a nurse and I got her calmed down, so agreed to just go see him. So I held her hand and we walked in. As soon as Nikki saw him she placed her head on his chest and just started crying. Man! The girls seing him fall to the ground with the start of a heart attack has really messed them up. They are so scared that they did something, or that if they touch him that he is going to die. These poor girls.

When the girls were younger I use to shelter them from life. I never took them to funerals, or to see really sick people. I figured that this was grown up stuff and that they could deal with death and sickness once they got older. I just never thought that they would be dealing with something so close to home. I am only hoping that as a mom and a wife that I am strong enough to get everyone through all of this.

Last night a neighbor lady had asked me if Ryan could go to vacation Bible school with them. I told her no, because I wanted to keep close tab's on all of the children, but I think I am going to allow him to go. I am going to ask them if they can take him and pick him up. I really need to let the children get back to living. I cant let my fear's stop them from having a life. I fear that if they are not at home that something will happen to them or Rusty. I know this fear is unfounded, but that is the way I feel right now. For right now the act of living our lives is very hard.

Our friend Elle came up last night and she is going to stay with the children today. She has been a big blessing to us. I really hate leaving the children alone. I know that the children will have a good time with her and that she can handle everything.

Yesterday I finally stopped long enough to look in the mirror. I look like a mac has hit me. I have lost so much weight and I cant find the energy to take care of myself. Yesterday I got into the shower, washed my hair and brushed my teeth and then turned the water off. I look down and there set my washcloth. I forgot to wash my body! So I turned the water back on and tried again. I did finally eat yesterday, but the food sat in my stomch, but I must remember to eat. I will be no use to anyone if I get sick.

Well I am going to go do laundry and try to take a shower. I myself need to get back to act of living.

good day

Rusty had an o.k. night. He said that he did not sleep much, but that he felt better. The swelling has gone in Rusty's face and he is starting to look normal again. Today I gave rusty a bath, and brushed his hair. He was able to brush his own fangs and he said that made him feel good. Oh! he is finally on solid food, that has really made him happy.

The v.a. is full, so a lady is coming in, in the morning to get Rusty on medi cal, so that we can get him transfered to loma linda. I am really hoping for loma linda because they are awesome!

I came home early today so that I ould get nap and spend some time with the childen. I was napping when the door bell rank and I was pissed because I had just gotten to sleep. So I answer the door and I am looking at these two guys, like who in the hell are you? Then the guy say's maybe I am at the wrong house, is this where the Nelson's live? I said yes, and then he introduced himself. He was the youth pastor at the church where the girls go to church. They brought us dinner! I was so happy that someone was thinking about us.

The a member from another post called and asked what they could do. So I requested some frozen dinners and easy stuff for the children to make so that if I am not here they will have food that they can fix. They said not a problem that they would be happy to help. AWESOME!!!!

Then I run something down to the post that Rusty belongs to. The bar tender chewed me out because I asked for food for the children. She asked me if we had any money. I told her yes, but that I have not the time to go shopping, and that I want to make sure that the children are fed if I am not at home. The lady told me that I needed to find the time to go shopping and to cook! That was uncalled for! who in the hell does she think she is. Has she ever tried to juggle a sick husband, three children, and still try to run a household? I will not let her steal what little good news I got today.

I am off to bed. I am going to go visit rusty in the morning. I love that man more then anything. I want him home, but I want him home well.

I slept

I slept last night! A friend called me right as I was getting into bed and he asked if he could pray for me and read me something from the bible. Then I prayed and I slept. Sleep feels good.

I am going to go spend the day with Rusty. I am rested and ready to get back to my job of taking care of Rusty.

the house is still

Rusty told me to go home and get some sleep. So here I sit. I am drinking a glass of wine and trying to sort things out. The children are over at Curts, so that is one thing that I do not have to wory about.

I found out today that Rusty did not flat line once but twice yesterday. He is VERY lucky to be here.

Today rusty got off the ventalators ( however you spell it) and he ion a liquid diet. Rusty still has a high level of toxin's in his body, so that is not good. Some of the swelling has gone down in his face, but he has lost hearing in one ear and the doctors do not know if he will get it back.

I feel guilty about being at home. I should be there taking care of Rusty. I wonder if the nurse will wet his wash cloth to make his eye's feel better. Who will scratch his back when he is restless? Who will hold his hand when he ges scared? Who will give him a hug and say I love you baby? Who will wash him when he vomits? who will.... these are all of my jobs. Why am I at home?

Our friends have been awesome and they have really pitched in. But right now, I want to put my head in someone's lap and just cry. I have not really done that yet. I have shed some tears when people call, but I need a good soul cleansing cry. But then again I am the strong one. I am the one who other people lean on. I am the one who has a backbone you can see from the front. I am not the one who breaks down and cry's.

anyway they want to transfer Rusty to the v.a. up at loma linda. That is cool with me, but it scars me. What if has problems on the ride. What if I cant ride with him? who will be there to assure him that everything is going to be o.k.

You know a long time ago I heard a preacher talk about Job. Never once did Job say why me Lord. So I guess I should be saying why not me? I am no different from anyone else. Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me not to be a hard ass. At least I will be able to relate people that are in my situation. Maybe I am suppose to be learning compasion? I dont know. what I do know is that I am going to finish this glass of wine and go to bed.

Oh! the girls got to church and that is fine. Today the pastor of the church stopped by to Rusty. He said that the girls were really up set. Go Figure. The girls are not taking this well.

the big one

The big heart attack hit yesterday. Rusty arrived at the hospital 3 min. before his heart stopped.

Rusty is the love of my life and I dont know what I am going to do. Rusty is alive. He is in a medical coma, on a ventalatior ( not sur of spelling), on blood thinners, and has so many tubes coming out of him. Rusty looks like someone has beet the shit out of him. The doctor said that is because of the way he has been laying and the blood started to pool at his face.

I just talked to the nurse and she said that Rusty is doing good. My mom offered to have all of the children fly out there, but we cant afford it. So I guess I am going to have the children bounce between all of our friends. My momdid say that she was going to try to get out here, but my dad goes into the hospital on monday. My momneeds to take care of my dad. I could not handle loosing two guuys in my life.

I am back to taking my life in steps and not looking to far ahead. Step one, finish up some stuff around the house and go to the hospital. Elli is going to take the children to Curts and they will stay there until monday. That is as far as I have gotten.

I just changed the message on my phone so that everyone can hear how rusty is doing. I cant have my phone on in i.c.u. so I missd so many calls yesterday. I figure this way at least people will know what I know.

I would like to know why this is happening to Rusty and who in the world thinks that I am strong enough to handle this. I will be having my children bounce around from place to place for the next few weeks. I will be running back and forth between the hospital and home. I will be fielding phone calls. While all of this is going on, I will have no choice but to keep up. I have to keep it together. I have not even had a good cry yet. I am sure that is coming, but it will have to wait until I have time. Right now there is no time for self pitty, only time to move foward and to keep going.

Last night I took rusty his quilt. He was a little out of it, but man he grabbed his quilt and did his best to snuggle down into it. So I was trying to think of what else I could take up to him to let him know that I am there. Well here is the idea I came up with. While rusty was in Iraq I sent him this little stuffed kitten thst was just soaked in my perfume. and I put a note in the bag with the kitten that said here is a little pussy for you. So I am going to soak the kitten in my perfume and take it to him. Maybe he will know I am there just by the smell of the kitten.

I need to finish getting ready and I am off to sit with Rusty.

not much going on right now

Well it is 5:30 in the morning and everyone is sleeping. It is nice to be up and moving and not to hear any noises! It is not often that I have the house to myself.

Last night Rusty said that he wanted to go to the post for dinner. I asked hm what they were having for dinner and he something called European food. So I blew it off thinking that he might forget......... no he did not. I wanted to stay at home and grill something, but we went out anyway. I was told to pick my battles carefully and I figured that this was not one worth fighting. so I got dressed. I told Rusty not to buy me a ticket until I saw what he was serving, but he bought me one anyway. So we go and sit down. I was served a big plate of rice with meat and veggi's, chicken in some sauce, and noodles with more vegi's.

Now this might sound o.k. to some people, but we have been married for a while and rusty knows what I do and do not like. I hate rice. I hate dead cow, I hate cooked veggi's, I hate everything on the chicken except the breast. I got served dark meat.

So I picked through the noodles, and they were o.k. then I thought o.k. I will give the chicken a try. It was so spicy that I wanted to gag! I hate spicy food! I do not even like pepper! So I set the plate of food aside and tryed to act happy. Rusty end's up taking my plate and eating most of it. Then he say's would you like to stop on the way home and get something to eat? No! my insides are on fire from that one bite of chicken.

Then this guy we know sits down to eat dinner with us. Now there is another couple at our table that Rusty was talking.......anyway the guys are talking about the hell's angels. Like I know anything about them! Then the guys start talking about post bis. well I am staying out of that! So this guy Doug say's to me "your not talking very much" Well what the hell am I suppose to say?! The dinner sucks, flames will soon be shooting out of my mouth, I know nothing about the hell angels and I dont care what goes on at the post! Oh and I was grounded today so I could not do anything except sit on my ass! I just smiled and said that nothing was wrong.

So then Rusty says lets go to the bar and have a smoke. Sounds good to me because I wont need a lighter to light my smoke! I will just use the flames that are coming from my mouth! So we go to the bar and Rusty walks off to talk to other people. Great now I am sitting there alone. The bar tender walks up and askes me how I liked the dinner. I smiled and said that it was o.k. She looked straight at me and said "you did not like it" and walked away. Bitch I did not say that! I was trying to be nice.

So today the girls have another car wash to raise money for their trip to mexico, and Rusty has a distric meeting. So it will be just Ryan and I most of the day. I am going to get some stuff done around here and then work on the tub. We are suppose to go over to some friends house for a cookout, bu I am not sure if we are going to go.

o.k. I have to go get everyone up!

what am I suppose to do?

O.K. I did a load of laundry, washed up some dishes, worked on a puzzle and got Ryan started on his school work. Now whar? I really want to go work on the tub. I need to take the feet off and get them ground down, so that I can prime the tub. But if rusty catches me with the grinder he is going to flip!

The other day, someone we know had a stroke. This gentlemen was suppose to fix a dinner for the post (v.f.w.) well he cant now, so Rusty said that he would do it. Well then Rusty comes home and tells me that he is going to do it. Rusty looks at me straight in the eye and says "I am going to need some help" So I look right back at him and say "well you better get looking". Now maybe I should help out because Rusty asked me to, but the last time Rusty asked me to help I got burned. I do not feel guilty for saying no. I will not open myself up to be burned by those people again.

I so hate being grounded! I am not the type of person to just sit! I am very high strung and I need something to do. Something other then cleaning the house! Oh well the dish washer is waithing for me to unload it, so I guess I should get busy. One of these day I will have a maid to do all of the cleaning, but until then I guess I have to do it.

I am so grounded

That's right I got grounded from the drill. That means that I cant work on the tub today. Rusty put his foot down bcause my fingers and arm are swollen from doing so much gringing yeasterday.

On a good note, I did pick out the color I want the tub to be. I am going to paint the tub red. The claws are going to be chrome and the ball that the claw sits on will be red. Now I just have to find everything else for the bathroom!

The girls are going to the ocean today, and they are thrilled about that. The girls love the water, I only wish that we did not live so far from the beach.

Well it looks like I am going to spend trying to put this house in order, since I cant work on the tub.

score! score! score!

So yesterday Elli and I went and hit a lot of thrift stores. I scored some awesome old pyrex! I am so thrilld to! So of the pyrex is called "hard to find". Anyway now I have to try to find a place to put it. Our cabnits are packed with all of my pyrex, so there is no more room there. I guess I am going to have to start putting the pyrex in the china cabnit. After all its not like we keep china in it.

Then last night I went and picked up a bear claw bath tub. The guy charged me 3 cases of corona, which is not a bad price since I can sell the tub for $1,000! So, I an going to spend the day scrapping of the old paint and rust. I cant wait to see how this tub turns out. I am one step closer to getting everything to re do the bathroom!

I talked to a guy last week and he said that he could come put new porcelain in the tub. Then he asked me how much I was paying for this tub, so I told him and he choked on whatever he was drinking! He has people calling him and offering him $1,000 for an old tub! He said it is a new craze, but I am not going to sell mine.

So anyway Rusty is going to go buy a grinding wheel so that I dont have to use a brush. And we are going to try to clean the tub with some clr and see how clean it will come. I asked Rusty to pick up a couple of maskes because I am sure that the paint on the tub is lead based.

I am also going to take before and after pictures of the tub and have them framed, so that we can see how it did look, and how great it looks once it is fixed up.

I am off to grind rust off the tub!

up and moving!

man it is early! For some reason I just woke up. What the heck is that? The sun was not up when I was up! LOL

Yesterday was going a long, nice and slow. I got so much done and I even got to sit and veg in front of the t.v. Then the evening came. I had to run to dance. then some people that we were bringing into the bis. showed up an hour early! I was still in a t shirt and short's....and no bra! Then Rusty and James were running late, I had to leave to go get Amber. So James showes up as soon as I am walking out the door. Then Amber's try out's run late. Then Nikki calls me wanting to know what is for dinner. Hell if I know! I am sitting in the car.

Well I get home and Elli had gone and gotten pizza and our bis. has grown by two. Now all of this is good new's, but I was just in shock at the condition of the house. Everyone was eating holding the pizza, and I had to drink milk from a wine glass! Oh well, It would not be the Nelson household if everything did not go wrong all at once.

Our friend Julie is a strong believer in what comes around, goes around. Julie and her husband Alex are such nice people and they will help anyone who need's help. Well, Julie has been driving around in a van with no air and the windows do not go down. The van is just in bad shape. The yesterday someone sold her a great car for $200! This car is great, and the people just wanted to get rid of the car. I guess what comes around goes around!

not sure what to do today

It is so hot here. All of the children want to go to the lake and go swim, but I am so red! I don't like leaving Rusty at home, but he can no longer be out in the heat.

I saw on the web that Curt had to go to the aid station. So we are not sure if he is back on the road. I hope he is able to finish the race this year. It was cool in death valley yesterday..... only108!

O.K. I need to find something to do.

not in death valley

Well the race in death valley is on. I am a little bummed that we are not, but it is o.k. I keep checking the web page for the race, but so far there are no up dates. Curt runs this race every year and I give the man so much credit for just getting out there. I dont know if I could do it, even if I was in great shape.

We have a house full right now and it is great. All five of us, elli and the little girl that elli is watching. Then another friend is coming up tonight. It is nice to have a full house, and to be surrounded by friends.

We all went down to the lake today. Man it was nice to cool off! It was only 106 degrees today! LOL. I am off to cook some dinner and chill with my friends and family.

I did it

Last night Susie's sister showed me some clothes that she had made. They were great! I asked her if she had a pattern, and she just laughed at me! She sew's all of her clothes with no pattern's! So today I tried it. I made the cutest top ever and I did it with no pattern!

Making some clothing from scratch with no pattern was a big boost for me. I am not great at sewing clothes. but I am not that bad either. So to know that I can do it just feels great. I think this year I am going to make my ball dress. We will have to see how that goes. I know what I want but I will not attempt that without a pattern.

The rest of our day has been slow and that is good.

good night with old friend's

Last we went over to some friends house and just chilled all night! it was so nice.How we met these people is very strange. O.K. let m see if I can explain. Matt use to work for Rusty, so thay have known each other for a long time. Then Matt meet's this gal Jen. and we all become friends. Well while Matt was In Iraq, Jen's dad got a job out here in Cali, so she brought him over to meet us. Jen's dad, Greg, use to fly with Rusty's dad!  What a small world!

So we chillded with them last night. Matt and Jen will be leaving for new york in just a few day's so it was so nice to see them. I will miss them when they leave.

Last night everyone found out what happened to Rusty and they are all scared to death. Well so am I. LOL

Gregs wife Susie is from Korea and she is just the neatest person there is. She has tought me so much about family and life. In korea they have a different system of family values and I am really starting to like them. Susie even gave me some tip's on helping Amber, So I am going to try them out this year. I like having friend that can give advice, but not be pushy about it.

Susie has her sister and her sisters boy's staying with them for the summer. The boys are the same age as our children, so they are going to come over on Tuesday and just hang out. The boys speak very good english! I was shocked at first, but then I learned that english is tought in the schools over there. I think it will be good for the children to be around another culture.

 

today I think that I might do a little more sewing. Susie's sister was showing me some clothes that she made, so I think I am going to give it a try! Other then that and cleaning I am going to do nothing. It is nice to be able to spend the day hanging with my family.

Oh! I made a duck and a penguin pillow a while ago. Well our friend Jason snagged the penguin pillow and last night when I talked to his girlfriend she said that he was cuddling with it! Boy's never really grow up! So she was thrilled when I told her about the lanket I made for him. Jason said that he wants a rode with penguins on it! What am I? So I told him that I would make him one, but that he would have to try it on with now clothes on! Jason has a body to die for!

With that said I am going to take off and start by day.

good day

Well Rusty is out the door! I am so glad to see him back to "normal". Our normal has changed, and that is fine. Normal for us now is Rusty walking with a cane, and moving a little slower. Normal is Rusty not being able to work to hard or anything that will get his heart racing. That is cool, because I learned real quick to slow down. But when you love someone those are just little changes.

I am going to get in the shower and actuall get dressed today. The last couple of day's I have just thrown on what ever fell out of the closet! LOL

One of our friends just found out about Rusty so he will be coming up this afternoon to see Rusty. Jason is so awesome. I could not have asked for a better friend for Rusty. Jason and Rusty both went into Iraq and I knew that Jason would watch Rusty's back. Actually I am not sure what part of Rusty Jason watched. Jason is a gunner so he sat on top of the hummer that rusty drove and just shot anything that moved. The man is crazy, so he fits in good here.

I am glad that the fridge and freezer are full. bcause I know Jason and I know that he is going to check these things. If he felt that there was not enough food in the house, then he would be out buying more for us.

Jason is the one that I am making the quilt for. It will be nothing fancy because the material I picked out would look bad if I cut it up into squars.... anyway I know he will like it.

I am off to start an awesome day.

great day

Well, I got a lot done today. In the morning Rusty will be back to his usual running around. I am looking foward to seeing him getting back to life.

I am going to spend the rest of the night doing nothing. Wait I have a quilt to make, so maybe I will get started on it.

Who knows, the night is young.

be still

Last night Rusty and I went out to dinner, Then I came home and took a bath. As i was getting ready for bed I suddenly remembered what a dear friend use to say to me when I was stressed. " Be still and know that I am God". WOW that hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to be still and know that I can not controll everything that happens. I slept with a new calm last night.

Now I am up and ready to get back on track. I started the laundry and to clean up the house. Today I am looking foward to cleaning and just spending time with my family. The yard will not get tilled today, and that is fine with me. I have a new perspective, and that is that some things can wait.

Well our company just left. I can't say that I am sad about that.

Right now life is good, so I am going to savor the day.

I made it

Well the day is coming to an end and some how I am still standing. I did everything that I needed to do. My eyes ares ore from crying and I so worn out. But I am still standing.

This morning I called my friend Ray. Now Ray and I have a love hate relationship, so when he answered the phone he barked at me! I amsked him if he could talk and he so no, that he would have to call me back. So about five min. later he called back, and I just lost it. Through my sobs I heard Ray the marine start barking orders. " you get in and answer my phone, if anyone calls take a message. You get in here and guard the hatch, if anyone shows up tell them to hang tight, and dont bother me until I come back in" Then I told him what happened. Ray let me have a pitty party and then told me that God knew I could handle the stress and that is why this was put on us. Well maybe God should not trust me so much.... lol

I really believe that a friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, well last night the chips were down for us and today I found out who our true friend were. Ray was one of them. Can you believe that he actually offered to take leave and come get all of my children if rusty ever goes into the hospital! He has three small children of his own and lives in a single wide trailer. I call a guy that we are in bis. with and asked him to step in and run our bis. today. He was right there! He did awesome. He not only ran our bis, but he was actuall concerned about us. What a friend. The people that are staying with however .... well I am glad that I did not give the title of friend out to them! They were here last night when everything happened, so they knew that I was under a lot of stress. They got up this morning and went to the beach. They did not offer to take the girls, they did not aask if we needed anything.... NOTHING. oh well I can now see the kind of people that they are.

I am very scared and yet very hopeful. I am scared that I am going to loose Rusty, yet hopeful that since we caught this problem early it wont be a problem in the future. Hope is what keeps me going.

I called my mom today and told her what happened. My mom explained all the medical stuff to me, since doctors talk in their own language! mom informed me that me dad is doing worse and at the end of the month he has to hav a scope stuck into his lungs to find out what is wrong with them. I do not know what I will do if my dad dies. He is my best friend and I will never recover from loosing him.

OH! last night at the hospital our doctor use to be Balboa! Then our nurse was a corpsmen!  I asked this guy if he liked serving with the navy or the marines better, and he said the marines! So I made the joke that I could yll corpsman up and the doc and the corp men would know what I meant. We just cant get away from the marines!

I made it, so I dont want to hear other people complaining!

my day got worse

Last night was.....Rusty,Amber and I started yelling at each other. Amber went to bed, then I went to bed. Rusty walked into the bedroom and asked me if I was still awake. I said yes as mean as I could. Then Rusty said I think I am having a heart attack.

He was and he did. It was small enough that they snt him home, but he has to go in very soon and get a stress test done.

I have so much to do today and I am not even sure where to start. I guess I really do need to take today just one step at a time. Step one.. I dont even know. I dont know where to start. I made a lot of phone calls already. I need to go get some ins. papers. I need to get dressed, I dont know. I am so lost right now. I dont even know if I have someone to lean on. I have no shoulder to cry on, so I guess I better stop having a pitty party and just do what has to be done.

Another day

Well today has been full of ups and downs. Amber is pissed at us and is giving us the silent treatment. We went out and bought locks for all the windows and alarms for all the doors. Life must suck being 15.

I must have called everyone looking for a tiller today. I found two of them but we cant get a hold of them. That would figure. I want to get work done around here and I dont have the tools to get it done. I did however find a place that sells sod real cheap so I am just going to sod that section of the yard. Once we start on the back yard we are going to sod it too. I like sod! LOL

W got two amazing phone calls today. One from our friend Julie who wants us to show someone how to do our biz. Another guy that just got in is bringing someone new over Thursday who wans to get in.  cha ching.

I need to get in the shower and I think I am going to chill the rest of the night.

too much going on

Well Amber broke the screen out of her window.....again. That was a $25 screen kit! So we are not going to replace it again. We are going to nali her window shut. That will end her sneaking out of the window. We are also going to take the $20 that she has saved to buy school shoes. It wont cover the screen kit, but she is going to learn that we are not screwing around. Rusty is also going to buy some alarms to put on the front and back door. I hate doing all of this, but Amber has totally broken our trust. I know that once she turns 18 w will have no controll and that is fine with me, but I will not raise her children. Once she out of the house she can do what ever the hell she wants.

I have started working with Ryan on counting money and it is not going good. So I think that I need to put it up and come back to at a later time. I sometimes get really "angry" when I can not get through to him, but then I have to remember that he does not learn like other children. Last year Ryan did not understand adding so we put it up and came back to it in 6 months and he totally got it.

I am going to start tilling our side yard today. I am so sick of seeing dirt and weeds growing. So I am going to till it up and then trim our property with some bushes, and just plant so grass in the middle. At least the bushes will seperate us from our neighbors. I told Rusty that if either of neighbors houses go up for sale, that I want to buy the houses so that I wont have to deal with neighbors!

The people that stopped in the other night are still staying with us. So we are going to cook out tonight! We have not had friend over for a cook out in so long. It will be nice to just kick back and let the guys do the cooking!

I just thought of something. I was going to put seed down in the side yard but I think I am going to call around and see how much  sod is. I hate messing with seed.  I wonder?

I wanted to go to the lake today, so maybe I can squeeze that in too. I was wondering last night how some women seem to do it all. Keep the house, a perfect yard,...... Then I realized that they either dont sleep or they do nothing with their children. I would so rather be doing something with my children then cleaning.

I sometimes wonder if people think we are bad parents because we have issues with are children, or because my house is not cleaned to the white glove standard. Then the other part of me say's screw um. I am sure that not every family is perfect.

 

good fourth of July

Well yesterday was a blast! There no fire works, so Rusty did good! LOL

We went to the majores house for a cookout and the children swam all day long. Then the major got made at some of his neighbors because they were shooting off fire works while it was still daylight, so he got out his sling shot and started shooting paintballs at them. There is never a dull moment at the majors house.

Before we left for the majors house some people we knew stopped in. We have not seen tony and Amber in 2 years! Tony is here to take some class for work so they wanted to stop by and say hi. They ended up crashing here. Sometimes it is nice to be shocked by someone from the past showing up.

Today the girls might be going to the ocean with the major and his family. They will have a blast! We all love going to the beach, but I have to much stuff to do around here to be going to the beach.

Anyway, I am off to help Ryan with his school work, and to get some house work done around here.

July 4th

Growing up my dad would tell the story about how his younger brother  hated the fourth of July. His brother served in Vietnam and his first fourth of July back in states was not good. Actually my uncle spent that night under a car bcause the fireworks were causing flashback. When I was younger I did not understand and now I see this same thing first hand.

Rusty does not do fireworks well. Last night some people were shooting some off and swore that it was gun fire. I can't tell you the last time that we watched fireworks as a family. So I am not sure what tonight is going to bring. Will he stay in side with all the doors and windows closed again? I guess I will have to wait and see.

If this happens to Rusty I wonder how many other vet's this is happening to?

Anyway, I am going to go get some coffee and hope that this fourth of July Rusty will able do enjoy the fire works,

 

homeschooling

I have at some point in my childrens life homeschooled them. Right now I am only homeschooling the youngest, our son.

I was reading some other journals and one of them was another homeschooling mom, who like me knows that the opportunity to learn is all around us, and that some of the best " class" are done with no help from a teacher or a parent.

Our youngest daughter just mentioned that next year they will be studying Rome. Rusty asked here when they are going to learn about some u.s.a. history. We were told that this will not happen until high school. what?  What is wrong with the system?

I know a lot that is wrong with the system, but for now our hands are tied on homeschooling the girls, so I guess we need to do some teaching over the summer. i will have to look for some places to go where they might actually learn something about this country!

Oh well I guess I need to get off my soap box and go clean the kitchen.

super dull day

I think I am going to jump out of my skin if I have one more day like today! There was NOTHING to do. O.K. I am sure I could have cleaned the house or something, but who wants to do that everyday?

We packed up the children and were going to go to the nw falls that we heard about, but when we got there the park ranger had some bad news for us. All the rains this winter washed the road out. The park ranger was nice enough to tell us that we could bring our mountain bikes up and ride out there. After all it is only 6 miles. What Nelsons does he think we are? We are not ozzy and Harrett!

So back home we came. I went and took a nap hoping that the day would get better when I got up, but I was wrong. Let's see..... I went to the store and then to the park for a walk. I can hardly contain myself for all the exceitment.

There is meat on the grill, so when that is done I guess we will eat dinner, and do NOTHING the rest of the night. I can't wait. At least we will spend the 4th with some friends.

busy day

I got up this morning and I had no energy! So I had a few cups of coffee and told myself that at least had to clean the cat room. Then something hit me. I started moving all of the furniture in the house! I cant belive how much irt is undr a sofa! My husband cant believe that I moved the sofa! LOL

I think that the living room has way to much furniture, so I told Rusty that I wanted to get rid of all of it and just get been bag chairs! He did not see how this was funny. I was thinking that the living room would be a lot easier to clean because because I would not have to move any more sofa's. Once again Rsty saw no humor in this.

We did not do to much today. I cleaned and in the evening we bbq some chicken. I am so glad that produce is in season because we had some fresh salad, watermelon, and home grown tomatoes. I love fresh food.

Rusty told me to go ahead and order the tickets to go see king tut!!!! Well we are not going to tell the children, but I sure hope that they have fun. I am just so happy that we can take the children to see this before everything goes back to Egypt for good.

We have found so property that we are looking at. It is only a lot but it is cheap. So we are talking about buying it and sitting on it for a few years. We are going to go look at the property again in the morning. All of the empty space around here is getting filled, so we are wondering about this land. I guess only time will tell.

I just got a notice today that we need to go apply for a new bus pass for Nikki, but we wont have to pay for it!!!! I am so glad that the no child left behind act is law. Now the distric has to pay to bus her. We wont have to pay for Amber since she will be able to walk to school.

My friend Julie ( the one I went shopping with) gave me this braclet today. It is one of those ones that look like a big rubber band. Well this one is to raise money for the fisher house in san diego! I know all about the place and I am glad that she bought it for me. Here is the link if anyone out there would like to buy one to help support the families of injured servicemen. http://www.fisherhouse.org/inTheNews/padres_04_20_PC.shtml

 

Last night I was looking through the Sgt. Grit magazine. ( all marine stuff) and they have some really cool stuff for the birthday ball. So I mentioned it to Rusty and he is going to bring it up at the next meeting and see if the will spring for it. I keep asking myself why I am doing this? I guess because I know Rusty wont let me down.

Rusty is going to take me to breakfast in the morning. Just the two of us! Om my gosh what am I going to do? LOL I know for now that I am going to go finish the dishes and then go take a bath! I deserve a bath after a long day of cleaning!

good day

Well my girlfriend and I went shopping today. I actually found some clothes that fit and that looked on me! I even got some clothes to wear to death vally. Then it was off the big 5 sporting goods store. They had boy's sneakers on sale, so I bought Ryan a new pair for the fall. Well since I was there I went a head and picked me so new pair of fila's!

Then I get home and the children tell me that Ryan broke the strap on his sandles and that both of the girls new new sandles. So off to payless we go. Ryan has gone through 2 pairs of sandles so far and the summer is not even half over. So this time I just bought him so slip on's. I guess the strap wont break now. LOL Well payless did not have the size/style that one of the girls wanted so we went next door to wal mart.

Now I hate going to wal mart. I hate the people, the lines, and I always get the dumbest checker girl! Anyway, I went to the material section and I score big time! They finally had this one material in. the material has air craft all over it and it is just so cool looking. So I bought 4 yards of it and I am going to make Ryan and our friend Jason a quilt. Then I spotted some Marine Corps material. Rusty loved the material so much that he is going to use them as table coverings for Marine birthday ball.

Now I am sitting here waiting for the washer to finish so I can throw the stuff in the dryer before I go to bed. I must say that it was a good day! I loved being able to spend the day with my girlfriend. She works and we never seem to get anytime to just spend time with each other.

As I have grown and matured and have learned from my mistake's, I now know that a friend is rare. I do not give the title of friend out to just anyone and actually I can count all of my friends on one hand. A few years ago I saw a saying that said "A friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the walks out". This is so true. I have discovered that a friend does not have to say anything to you, all they have to do is just sit and hold your hand. Friends are very rare.

well I should go switch the laundry around and set the coffee pot so that I can get some sleep tonight. The girls have to be across town by 8 a.m! They are having a car wash fund raiser, so.... off to bed I go