Tuesday, July 26, 2005

when does it end?

What a day. I felt good whn I woke up this morning and was looking foward to a good day. Instead I had a day filled with tears.

Today was the funeralfor the girls friend ( the youth pastors son). What a sad event. This was the first time the girls went to a funeral for someone their own age. Amber really took it hard. Everytime she cried I wanted to take her pain. The girls wanted to go to the grave yard, but Ithought it would be to much for them.

A few years ago someone called me a light house. She said that I seem to stand strong when the storms of life hit me. Is that how I appear to people? A rock? Well then I must be doing a good job of fooling people or the people are not looking behind closed doors. The last few weeks I have weathered the storms and I am still standing, but I almost crumbled under the preasure. I thank God for friend who held me up and took a lot of the preasure off of me.

I heard a new saying today, and I think I need to make it one that I should live by. The saying goes like this..."here is my shoulder, come and lean on it". I have learned a lot the last few weeks and I can always be a friend by lending someone a shoulder to lean on.

Well I still want to work on the bath tub and get the yard tilled, but I am still waiting. One of these day's I will have the time to do what I want but for now my family needs me. So my families need's must come first.

Ryan is no longer talking to me. He will not talk to me for any reason. I am back to square one. Is it because he blames me for "taking" Rusty. Or does he .... who knows. For now I am just blowing it off, he will eventually stop being mad for something I did not do. I have to laugh.... I do know that he is mad at me because I now make him do more work around here. But then again all of the children are doing more work around here, so I am not picking on him.

Rusty booked us a two night stay on the queen mary! It is not for a few moths, but I am looking foward to it. I have been wanting to see the queen mary.

Are random acts of kindnes still random acts of kindnes if you tell someone about them? Amber was with me when I did something totally unexpected. She was just in shock and asked me how often I do nice things for other people. I just smiled and told her that she will never know. My children will never know just how much I do for strangers, and I dont feel that they have that right. I guess this is something that my family does nothave to know about. I am not hiding anything, but I dont them to think that I am bragging.

Well I am going to go get this house cleaned up a little more and then go for a walk. Rusty begs me to take rascle when I walk, he says that it is for her, but I think that it makes rusty feel better.

I thought I would have my picture taken today since I do not have black circles under my eyes.


rtgilmore34 said...

Kelli, you really ARE a lighthouse.  I can never express enough gratitude to you for what you have done for me and my family in our greatest time of need.  How you've been there for me as a friend, with no questions asked, unselfishly.  I appreciate you, even though I'm an airhead and a flake that has never shown you what you have shown me in return.  Thank you for being so wonderful.  You are loved.  Keep your head up Kool-Aid Mom.  The world wouldn't run smoothly without you...

goodwilltramp said...

Hey Kelli,  Sorry I haven't been around there lately since Rusty got back.  It looks like some hard times.  You do seem really strong though...  I think It's because you are.  You know that I'm here if you need me right?   You better.          
                                                                goodwilltramp  (elle)

p.s.   Alaskanassasin was taken